Date: 12-13-2014

Due Date: 12-13-2015

The Resolution: I know I've said this in past posts my original dream as a child was to be a stand-up comedian. I was the youngest of two for about thirteen years then became the first middle child of four. It was my job to be the comic relief to a stressful situation.

I was needed a lot.

This led me to a life of constantly trying to get at least one person to laugh in any situation. I think I'm funny but not in a joke-telling sort of way. My jokes are very reactionary to what's happening around me. Combine this with the fact that I'm actually very shy and you get someone who is terrified of the spotlight unless it "accidentally" lands on them.

I gave stand-up a shot last time I lived in San Diego, performing at what had to have been an illegal operation. It was a converted mechanics garage, all ages, and bring your own booze. The audience was always filled with nothing but performers. At this place… the show went on until every name was pulled from a fishbowl.

It was actually pretty amazing.

One thing that sucks about this year is that I've become more detached from people than I've ever felt in my life. The silver lining to this detachment is that I've grown to genuinely stop caring about those who are critical of me. 

It's pretty impressive how much giving up on life leads you to have more self-confidence.

I'm going to wait until I get back to Cali but by this time next year… I will have made an attempt to reboot my dream to become a stand-up comedian.

Hell… the stories that I have from the resolution attempts alone are enough material to make a pretty good stand-up routine.

Result #347: Looks like my triumphant return to stand up is going to have to wait another decade or so.

Update #1: The Conclusion…

Date: 12-13-2015

Even though this failed resolution to make my return to stand-up comedy is heading over to the Bucket List Redemption Challenge, I'm really beginning to feel my dream to make it as a comedian are over.

I never really thought I was polished enough to be ready for the stage but I always felt that I was funny and creative enough to figure it out. It just feels like I will never be confident enough to not just get over stage fright but also get over the fact that I would have to hang out among strangers on a regular basis in order to pay my dues as an open mic'er.

Along with a lack of confidence… I just don't feel funny anymore. Sometimes I feel like I am being funny but in a way that is just going through the motions instead of the genuine feeling of joy I used to feel when I laughed.

Who knows? Maybe someday I'll be able to turn it around and if I do you better be sure that I'll let you know.