#352: Design and buy my own tombstone.
Due Date: 12-18-2015
The Resolution: I don't have the design planned out quite yet. I'm also not sure whether I want to buy the stone with just my name and birth date leaving the rest blank for a day when the end seems near or whether I want to choose the entire design now and be stuck with it like a tattoo.
I have a year to figure it out.
Update #1: The Conclusion.
It seems like every five or so years I go through some really dark phases of my depression. I think the problem is that I bottle up so much of my emotion to put out the appearance of a happy go lucky individual that goes with the flow, unaffected by anything.
At least that's the public, in-person persona that I try to display.
This latest bout of darkness was the darkest to date and I really felt that I may need a tombstone because this resolution experiment was the only thing that was keeping me alive. I had some weird health issues and my morale wasn't going to save me if something serious was going on. I also feel with the anti-depressants I was taking that I couldn't really trust myself to keep me alive.
Throughout the years many friends and I have joked about our final words to be inscribed on our tombstones so this resolution was also a way to commit to whatever joke I came up with. I'm not sure if it's fortunate or not but I don't have my final words planned out, I'm also off the meds and not feeling as close to death so I'm happy to fail and not have a tombstone to lug around with me for the rest of my life.
If I do end up getting buried I want to have a personalized tombstone so I will focus on what my final funny words will be and will keep you posted when I work out the design I plan to go with.
I have to say, I'm pretty happy to be able to put this one off.