SNL: S12E09... HOST: JOE MONTANA & WALTER PAYTON... DATE: JANUARY 24, 1987

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or...

Fun With Football On A Saturday Night

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I wouldn't say that I was disappointed by the last two episodes but the first six show of this season set a pretty high bar with hosts like Sam Kinison, Robin Williams and all Three of the Amigos who hosted a show as a team. I don't care what year it is but it would be hard to keep the caliber of guest that strong throughout an entire season so the drop back to average was palatable.

Now that two episodes have passed I'm used to the show being back to the tone from the start of the season where the guests were good without being legends making me feel that this was a better show than I might have given it credit for if it aired in either Steve Guttenberg or William Shatner's spot.

That's not to say that this episode is getting unfair credits, if anything, the past two episodes got unfair critiques because I would say that all three episode were equally good as this season continues to impress me. 

This is also an episode that I have vivid memories of for a couple reasons. For one, I was really into football at the time so was excited to see football playing hosts and I knew enough about the sport to get the football jokes from the time. The second reason this episode stood out to me as a kid was it was the first time I heard an adult reference masturbation and it taught me a brand new word, even though I was a few years away from learning what it really meant leading me to get laughs from adults when I would use it in improper context at inappropriate times.

That second fact might actually give this episode bonus points as to where I place it on my favorites list but even without these extra points the placement in said list would still be pretty good.

Alright, so, now that I've gotten my memories of this episode over with, it's now to move on and share what I actually saw, as I give you...

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with an NFL Video Countdown hosted by Walter Payton where he shared the "Top NFL Music Videos Of All Time," which is making fun of the music video put out by the Patriots and the Bears to promote the prior year's Super Bowl. The music video being shared in this segment of the count down is entitled, "We Are Kickers (We Kick Ball)," that ends with Walter Payton's announcement of, "Live from New York..."
  2. Joe Montana then officially opened the show with a monolog about how it's nice to be on TV without the fear of getting hit by a player from the defensive line claiming that the last time he was in New York he got a concussion because of such an incident during a game. He then went on to repeat the same exact joke three times in a row as if said concussion was affecting his brain.
  3. We then got a repeat of the Adobe sketch from a couple episodes ago.
  4. The Pathological Liar then returned to the show. This time, he is hanging out in a bar when in walks Walter Payton who get stuck listening to a flood of lies before making a few lies of his own.
  5. We then met a couple who just got home from a first date and we can hear their inner thoughts of turning this into a sexual relationship despite their external dialog's claims that both parties want to take it slow. In walks, Joe Montana as Sincere Guy Stu who is genuinely nice and honest as his inner thoughts match up with every nice word that comes out of his mouth. The dating couple is extremely nervous because they just want to go have sex but apparently, at that time this was an unacceptable thing for roommates to do at least when it comes to TV so they keep lying about scenarios about where Jan Hooks will sleep since she's planning on staying over. They finish the conversation by saying they are just going to hang out in the living room for a while but they will try and keep it down in order to allow Stu silence for his slumber to which Stu replies, "Don't worry, I'll be fine because I'll be up in my room masturbating," followed by his inner thought confirming the alone time plan. 
  6. Crack Achievers was a parody commercial for crack cocaine and how it can turn anyone from athletes to businessmen into over achievers by simply using the drug.
  7. The NFL Today was a parody of the real show with the same name where Kevin Nealon plays the host who interviews Joe Montana as they breakdown the potential of the upcoming Super Bowl before showing Joe Montana the hit that gave him the concussion that was referenced in the opening monolog again and again, and again. There was a second segment of this parody show with a Neil Young interview because he was scheduled to perform the half time show and the final segment was a quick prediction from sports reporter, Jimmy the Greek.
  8. Deborah Harry then took to the stage to perform French Kissin' In The USA. 
  9. Mace Takes A Hostage was a sketch where Phil Hartman takes Kevin Nealon hostage and despite continually being over powered Kevin Nealon keeps trying to surprise Hartman by attempting to wrestle the gun from his hand. Eventually, Phil Hartman has to go to the bathroom leaving Nealon free to roam around the room and rather than attempt to escape, Kevin rushes to the phone to call the police, only to get caught leading to yet another failed attempt at taking the gun away. 
  10. Once again, Dennis Miller gave us the news. This week, Victoria Jackson got another segment where she was supposed to report on the Iran Contra Scandal but ends up sharing videos with her and her kid who makes predictions in exchange for Cheerios. A. Whitney Brown also dropped in for another Big Picture segment about racism in America. 
  11. We then got introduced to Chick Hazard: Private Investigator in a detective show styled sketch with this week's episode titled Eddie's Mistake where Chick investigates Eddie Spimoza's Jungle Room after getting a call about an underage performer at a speakeasy during Prohibition days. We then meet Victoria Jackson playing said young performer who does a horrible rendition of a song from those days. Chick Hazard then arrives to break up the bar owners fun. Nothing fun or funny ever happens I guess they were just making fun of the genre and the old-timey talk of the black and white days of film.
  12. Super Bowl Gambling Memories took us back to a game where a last minute Hail Mary catch ruined the odds on favorite chance to win while also ruining a majority of the gambler's bets. 
  13. Church Chat then returned for another segment where once again the Church Lady badgers her guests about their relationship with... "SATAN." With both Joe Montana and Walter Payton talking about football this visit to the church was filled with double entendre mainly playing on the word penetration.
  14. The Michael Jackson Workout Tape was a fake ad for a workout tape where Walter Payton played a buff Michael Jackson with his new set of exercises to sell.
  15. Deborah Harry then returned to the stage to perform In Love With Love. 
  16. The United Way was also supposed to be a parody ad and again, I couldn't find it anywhere on the internet.
  17. Finally, Joe Montana and Walter Payton closed the show by thanking the audience and saying their goodnights. 

Though I am not a fan of sports in general, this was still a pretty fun episode with these three moments being my favorite. First, I loved the Sincere Guy Stu because I totally remember it as my introduction to the word masturbation even though I was still too young to know what the full blown practice of playing with yourself really meant. Next, I really liked the We Are Kickers (We Kick Ball) song that opened the show because this is still a song that gets stuck in my head from time to time. I also still love that one of the kicker's name is so long that it runs down his sleeves even though it's a little xenophobic. Finally, I was a fan of the sketch where Kevin Nealon kept trying to steal his captor, Phil Hartman's gun because it was hilarious how silly his efforts were when looking at this as a real life hostage situation.  

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Matt Bunker

I started out with a goal of becoming a paid screenwriter. I had no interest in any other aspect of filmmaking. I received and scholarship to The Vancouver Film School's Writing for Film and Television program where I graduated in 2005. I fell in love with being on set during my first non-school produced short, . I loved being around all the creative people, seeing people having fun while working. The whole liking your job was a new world to me, so I decided to give it a shot. I volunteered for any project I could, doing what ever was needed. The set was my Film School this time. While working as a PA on a feature I was informed that the DP wanted the three tallest PAs to help out in the grip and electric department. That is when I found the department that felt like the best fit for me while I continued to write.