SNL: S31E19... HOST: KEVIN SPACEY... DATE: MAY 20, 2005

SNL: S31E19... HOST: KEVIN SPACEY... DATE: MAY 20, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with another parody of Anderson Cooper 360 where once again Seth Meyer’s played the titular host to discuss the Mexican border issue with Darrell Hammond as Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and a “glad-not-to-be-in-Iraq” National Guard soldier played by Kenan Thompson, who loved watching the Mexican/US border. The segment finished things up from an irate housewife from New England who was there to talk about the recent northeastern floods. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York…”

  2. Kevin Spacey then officially opened the show with a monolog about how it’s been ten years since the last time he hosted and then gave us a couple updates about his life. Despite having two Oscars and an amazing career he then shared that his true dream was to win America Idol and then demonstration the tricks that he felt would guarantee a victory as he sang a song highlighting his every thought throughout the process.

  3. Two A-Holes at a Crime Scene brought back Jason Sudeikis and Kristin Wiig as their a-hole characters who, this time, as the title suggests, a-holed it up while answering questions at a crime scene over a vehicle that they witnessed being stolen.

  4. Oprah Winfrey's Legends Ball Special had Maya Rudolph as Oprah, per usual, this time to host a special where the cast got to test out some impersonation for a star-studded night dedicated to the celebrities who inspired Oprah throughout her life. Though the sketch is set up as if it’s going to be a night devoted to the black women who inspired her, when I came to the guest who got to speak, she gave more time to John Travolta and Tom Cruise than any of the well-respected women in the room.

  5. This was followed by another edition of Horatio Sanz’s loveable/overweight/skank character Carol! This time Jason Sudeikis and Amy Poehler try to set up Kevin Spacey with this train wreck of a friend. Of course, this being the series that it is the two hit it off without any questions at all.

  6. TV Funhouse then gave us a parody of a blooper show called All-New Presidential Outtakes which showed everyone from the speaker of the house to a deer performing a spit take as the listed to highlights of the dumb words that came out of his mouth during animated clips from his real presidential speeches.

  7. This was followed by a parody of The Usual Suspects where Andy Samberg shared a Keyser Soze-like tale when Kevin Spacey demanded to know why he was late for the show’s rehearsal.

  8. Nelly Furtado then took to the stage with Timbaland to perform Promiscuous.

  9. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Jason Sudeikis dropped by once again as Taylor Hicks to enjoy more of his limited time in the spotlight following his recent run of success on American Idol. Tina Fey then shared a clip of her very first joke on the news and then had a group of reoccurring news guest to celebrate her one-hundred-eightieth episode since hosting Weekend Update.

  10. This week’s The Falconer then got a little trippy when I time traveling Will Forte got a visit from Kevin Spacey who was there with a warning as The Falconer from the future. The Spacey Falconer had warnings that hunter, Maya Rudolph was going to shoot their bird. When Forte and Spacey failed to stop the event, they both tried traveling back in time to see if they could stop the shooting with this second attempt. The only problem is that their lead to their being four Falconers, and then eight, and then sixteen as they keep traveling back in time and failing at each of their efforts until they got permanently stuck in this time travel loop.

  11. We then got another SNL Digital Short called Andy Walking, which was a parody of a “Man On The Street” style interview where Andy Samberg tried to make people look stupid by asking them simple questions only to end up looking stupid himself when everyone gets every question correct without any issues at all.

  12. Legends Of History was a profile sketch that shared the history of Kevin Spacey who played the man who heralded The Dawn Of Sarcasm, while they gave us a few examples of his horrible sarcastic jokes and how at the time everyone took his sarcastic responses to be literally driving Spacey completely mad.

  13. Nelly Furtado then took to the stage alone to perform Maneater.

  14. Neil Young: I Do Not Agree With Many of This Administration's Policies had Kevin Spacey as Neil Young in order to pitch his latest album that was filled with subtle expressions of his hatred for George W. Bush, only none of these expressions were actually subtle at all.

  15. Finally, Kevin Spacey closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E18... HOST: JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS... DATE: MAY 13, 2005

SNL: S31E18... HOST: JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS... DATE: MAY 13, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with a Parallel Universe Address from President Gore where, special guest, Al Gore, addressed an America from a parallel world where he didn’t lose to Bush. In this address, we learned how perfect the world turned out to be in the alternate timeline. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York…”

  2. Julia Louis-Dreyfus then officially opened the show with a monolog where she first reminded us that she used to be a Not Ready For Prime Time Player and how she was the first female cast member to come back as an alumni host. She then went on to share a few jokes about alternate titles to her show The New Adventures Of Old Christine. She also had a bit of a routine where she marveled over the fact that she wasn’t affected by the Seinfeld Curse the way the Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander seemed to be. This was before she shared a pre-recorded video with a struggling Jason while Jerry was nowhere to be found, that is until we got back into the studio where he tried to kill his former co-star with a light that he planned to blame the technical failure on the curse. Luckily, this was several months before the Kramer/N-word fiasco or else she would have had much more evidence of this mentioned curse.

  3. This was followed by a fake ad for Tech Pack that had Jason Sudeikis as a spokesman who recommended this crazy pack for to the ad’s sample human, Kristin Wiig who struggled to carry all of her technical gizmos around the airport. Though a joke at the time, these types of packs seem to make up a bulk of the Kickstarted ads that I now see on social media. The only problem was that this Tech Pack’s design made it look like a suicidal terrorist’s bomb.

  4. Bum Attention took us out to a fancy restaurant where Julia Louis-Dreyfus took a blow to her self-esteem when a filthy “bum” played by Bill Hader made an obscene gesture toward Julia’s all of her friend while giving zero attention to her. At one point, Julia got so depressed by the lack of attention that she went to the bathroom to cry and while she was out, her friends hired Hader to be offensive to Julia as well. This plan worked leading Julia to instantly take joy in being disgusted by this man’s behavior. Then, after demanding the man leave the restaurant after finding out that he was hired, Julia expressed her gratitude toward her friends for putting in the effort to help and boost her mood.

  5. We then went to The Morning Show which was constantly filled with gaffes making it hard for the cast and the crew to put on a show that made much sense at all. These issues ranged from missed sound cues to the Kristen Wiig as one of the hosts who kept forgetting her name. To add to the fun, there was also a chair that would randomly make farting sounds some of the times that the show’s guest played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus would move around. The inconsistency of the fart noises only added to the awkwardness of the show. There was also a running joke that kept cracking me about an old timer on the crew name Stan who was supposed to be celebrating his seventy-second birthday, only to die right before the show and throughout the confusion, everyone kept offering him best wishes for this special day.

  6. This was followed by a MySpace Seminar where Andy Samberg played as community teacher who was trying to squelch the concerns of Julia Louis-Dreyfus who played a soccer mom who was worried about her kids. Meanwhile, the rest of the room was made up of a bunch of middle-aged perverts who all justified Julia’s reasons for being concerned.

  7. Paul Simon then took to the stage to perform How Can You Live in a Northeast Town?

  8. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Al Gore returned from the opening sketch to debate Amy Poehler on global warming. Tina Fey’s “grandfather,” played by Fred Armisen kept making repeated attempts to call the new Medicare hotline that was meant to streamline the process but only left old people confused. Finesse Mitchel got another segment where this time he discussed men’s fashion and what young men should wear when dressing for the prom. Andy Samberg then wrapped things up as David Blaine and failed to hold his breath for nine minutes “while at a news desk” which was his latest magic trick/stunt.

  9. This was followed by a parody rerun of a ‘70s game show version of the party classic Charades! In this sketch, Julia Louis-Dreyfus played a contestant who kept making obscene looking gestures when giving her clues to the panel of celebrity guests.

  10. We then went behind-the-scenes for a taping of Unsolved Mysteries where Julia Louise-Dreyfus played an actress who was completely frustrated when she participated in a pop culture-related re-enactment for an incident that obviously didn’t actually happen. In this sketch, we also met Kristin Wiig as the woman who Julia was playing which made it clear that this was a fictional tale from a woman who was out of her mind.

  11. Paul Simon then returned to the stage to perform Outrageous.

  12. This was followed by another SNL Digital Short that gave what turned out to be a PSA for the United Peyote Growers Association after we witnessed Andy Samberg as a distraught man who threatened to jump to his death over a recent breakup only he would be jumping from the top of a standard street curb.

  13. Finally, Julia Louis-Dreyfus closed the show by thanking the audience and saying her goodnights.

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SNL: S31E17... HOST: TOM HANKS... DATE: MAY 6, 2005

SNL: S31E17... HOST: TOM HANKS... DATE: MAY 6, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with a sketch called Bill Frist's Gas Plan that had Tom Hanks as the titular Frist to pitch his crazy new gas plan in an infomercial-style to Will Forte as George W. Bush. This plan mainly focused on giving everyone a hundred dollar buck to buy out the rights to drill for oil in Alaska’s protected lands it became more infomercial like when he started to throw in random items to sweeten the deal. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York…”

  2. Tom Hanks then officially opened the show with a monolog about his new role in The Da Vinci Code and then took questions from clergymen, nuns, and even Jason Sudeikis as Jesus Christ about his decision to take on this role, considering it was a blasphemous film that was really harsh on the Catholic church.

  3. This was followed by a parody of Wheel Of Fortune where Tom Hanks as Pat Sajak is flabbergasted by how dumb all three contestants were while trying to solve the word puzzles.

  4. Amy Poehler and Horatio Sanz then returned for more fun and games as Kaitlin and her stepfather. This time the two had to deal with Kaitlin’s excitement over getting to babysit Tom Hanks’s pet iguana.

  5. We then got another SNL Digital Short where we went to the streets of New York City in 1991 to see three friends played by Chris Parnell, Kenan Thompson, and Will Forte who got to sample the new song, Please Don’t Cut My Testicles, by the fictional Right Said Fred-looking Ariell and Ephraim played by Tom Hanks and Andy Samberg.

  6. Universal Theme Park had Tom Hanks and Fred Armisen as two brothers standing in line for the Back To The Future ride who kept yelling, almost Marco Polo-style to track down the whereabouts of their disoriented mothers as played by Rachel Dratch. This sketch was very reminiscent of the Get Off The Shed, or the What The Hell Is That Thing sketches from the past.

  7. Red Hot Chili Peppers then took to the stage to perform Dani California.

  8. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Horatio Sanz stopped by as Rosie O’Donnell to discuss her feud with Star Jones since this was around the time that Rosie was joining The View. Fred Armisen and Will Forte also returned as their dry singing characters to have a monotoned debate about immigration through song.

  9. We then when to the Claremont Yoga Center where Rachel Dratch was totally creeped out by the appearance of sweat on Tom Hanks who play her yoga partner.

  10. C-Span After Dark showed us what it would be like if there were an Adult Swim version of the news with shows like Colin’s Place. This was a political spoof of Sanford And Son wither Kenan Thompson as Colin Powell in the Redd Foxx role in order to stew about the ongoing situation in Iraq to Finesse Mitchell as Lamont and Tom Hanks as a member of the CIA.

  11. Red Hot Chili Peppers then returned to the stage to perform Give It Away.

  12. Tennis Players had Tom Hanks as a one-armed tennis player who learned that his usual tennis partner, Will Forte had replaced him with a three-armed partner played by Chris Parnell after years of playing together. By the end, we learned that Tom Hanks had a trick up his sleeve when he revealed his new partner was Bill Hader as a man with seven arms.

  13. Finally, Tom Hanks closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights. 

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SNL: S31E16... HOST: LINDSAY LOHAN... DATE: APRIL 15, 2005

SNL: S31E16... HOST: LINDSAY LOHAN... DATE: APRIL 15, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with a parody of  The Situation Room where Chris Parnell played Wolf Blitzer in order to interview the ever-change cabinet members from the Bush administration who all were involved in the seemingly endless string of scandals that were plastering the headlines around this time. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, all this eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York…”

  2. Lindsay Lohan then officially opened the show with a monolog about how she couldn’t believe this was her third time to host even though she was only nineteen. She then made a joke about how show hosted more times than she’s been in car accidents that were her fault. This hint at her party lifestyle led Kenan Thompson as a drunken Easter Bunny to help our young host tackle her demons by using his drunken antics to hold a mirror up to our host’s life.

  3. This was followed by a fake ad for Neutrogena Coin Slot Cream which was a special moisturizer specifically designed to relieve the dryness that can occur in their female customer’s ass cracks, playing into the low cut jeans trend from this time.

  4. Kenan Thompson and Rachel Dratch then returned as DJ Dynasty Handbag and Tiara Zee for another installment of Deep House Dish. As always, the bulk of this sketch was Kenan’s character making fun of Dratch’s character because of the fact that she was so dull while the two introduced new house and hip-hop music to the MTV-4 fans.

  5. TV Funhouse then gave us a parody promo of for The Journey To The Disney Vault where a pair of kids discovered the horrors of Walt Disney’s real secret passions in life, which included things like collecting cryogenically frozen heads and getting involved in the Red Scare to run out any union-friendly writers on his staff. On top of that, they also discovered a plethora of lame cartoon sequels there were just waiting to be rolled out.

  6. We then got another parody of The O'Reilly Factor where this time Darrell Hammond as O’Reilly used his confrontational interview style to question his political guests about the immigration crisis, the development of nuclear weapons in Iran, and the fact that we were still in Iraq. If I didn’t know better, I would think this was a current sketch from a recent episode.

  7. Le Rendezvous had Lindsay Lohan, Jason Sudeikis, Rachel Dratch, and Fred Armisen as a group of friends out for a group dinner at a fancy restaurant who all were overly enthusiastic about their end of the meal desert, to the point where they acted like excited animals with every single bite.

  8. This was followed by the debut of one of my favorite series of SNL Digital Shorts called Laser Cats. In it, Bill Hader and Andy Samberg pitch a Sci-Fi video to Lorne Michael where the two goofballs fought off space bad guys with real-life cats that acted as their laser guns. To add to the fun, this video was terribly shot in the hallways if the SNL studios.

  9. Pearl Jam then took to the stage to perform World Wide Suicide.

  10. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler closed the show. This week, Seth Meyers got a segment as a weatherman in order to give an apocalyptic forecast mocking the fact this was a time filled with extreme weather oddities. Jason Sudeikis also stopped by as Taylor Hicks in order to discuss the popularity of American Idol since this was the year that he won.

  11. Debbie Downer then returned for another installment where this time she kept bumming everyone out at Lindsay Lohan’s Las Vegas, bachelorette party.

  12. Introverts' Night Out took us to a bar where Lindsay Lohan, Kristin Wiig, and Will Forte played a group of introverted co-workers who finally worked up the nerve to grab a drink together after work. After a few drinks, the three lightened up, and by the end of the night, they started to question the possibility of having a threesome.

  13. Pearl Jam then returned to the stage to perform Severed Hand.

  14. Turner Classic Movies: Movie Archives had Darrell Hammond as the show’s host in order to through to a classic clip of a fictional lost classic starring Lindsay Lohan and Fred Armisen as Ann-Margret and Liberace that was a musical comedy called Atlantic City Fever.

  15. Finally, Lindsay Lohan closed the show by thanking the audience and saying her goodnights.

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SNL: S31E15... HOST: ANTONIO BANDERAS... DATE: APRIL 8, 2005

SNL: S31E15... HOST: ANTONIO BANDERAS... DATE: APRIL 8, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with another parody of Anderson Cooper 360 where once again, Seth Meyers played the titular host to discuss the immigration issue. His guests were Colorado Representative Tom Tancredo, who was played by Jason Sudeikis, and who fear that illegal immigrants were taking the jobs that “no American’s want,” while Antonio Banderas as the President of Mexico complained about Americans coming to his country during spring break. Meanwhile, Kenan Thompson played a Congresswoman named Cynthia McKinney who related to the plight of legal immigrants after she slapped a cop for not letting her into The House Of Representative because she forgot her Congressional ID. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York…”

  2. Antonio Banderas then officially opened the show with a monolog where he spewed out a laundry list of the people who the announcement that he was about to make was going out to. He then warned that what he was about to say might get him deported and it definitely wouldn’t be accepted in his hometown. The more he talked, the more it sounded like he was going to make a crazy political statement, only to strip out of his clothes while he announced that he was actually a woman as he stood on the stage dressed in drag.

  3. This was followed by a parody ad for Basic Instinct 2 where Amy Poehler played Sharon Stone who went way more extreme with the leg crossing scene in a desperate attempt to get her former big name back into the spotlight. At one point, the leg crossing and uncrossing got so blatant that Amy as Sharon as her Basic Instinct character was sitting spread eagle as she commented on her vagina while literally pointing it out.

  4. We then got a parody of Deal Or No Deal with Fred Armisen as Howie Mandel and Antonio Banderas as a contestant who struggled to understand the rules leading him to make nothing but crazy decisions, like trying to open his own briefcase the moment they put it in front of him. He the briefcase picking wasn’t enough Banderas could barely grasp the concept of the potential deal, so he jumped on the very first offer which got the girls to attempt to help Howie explain the game.

  5. Operator had Rachel Dratch revise her monotoned automated operator voice character this time to attempt to chat up Antonio Banderas while at a cocktail party. Of course, Antonio found this automated way of talking to be off-putting at first, but by the end of the sketch the two rushed off to have some sex.

  6. Besos Y Lagrimas was a parody of a Mexican daytime soap opera filled with melodramatic overacting, crazy plot twists, and wind that kept blowing through Antonio Banderas’s shirt and hair.

  7. 13th Annual Women's Basketball Coaches' Fashion Awards gave the cast another chance to perform obscure impersonations while parodying an award show.

  8. Mary J. Blige then took to the stage to perform Be Without You.

  9. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Darrell Hammond dropped by as Dan Rather to share his bitter sentiments over Katie Couric’s new gig as the host of CBS Evening News. Finesse Mitchell dropped by for a quick PSA by providing warning signs of when you may be dealing with an angry black woman in reference to the Cynthia McKinney incident that was joked about during the opening sketch. Will Forte also made a surprise visit as some actor from One Tree Hill and just randomly shared the numerous co-stars that he married because I guess marrying a couple co-stars was a thing that really happened on the set of that show. Special guest Chris Kattan dropped by for a “surprise visit” to perform his classic Antonio Banderas impersonation from that horrible sketch from back when he was a cast member on the show.

  10. This was followed by a parody of Zorro where due to his fear of bird flu, Antonio Banderas let his hefty stand-in played by Horatio Sanz step in for a stunt where he had to make out with Amy Poehler as Catherine Zeta-Jones because he was that scared of falling ill.

  11. We then went to a Karaoke Joint where a shy Rachel Dratch attempted to get past her nerves to sing a romantic song for her boyfriend, Antonio Banderas, only to keep getting interrupted by Amy Poehler who played an overly enthusiastic karaoke host.

  12. The Plan had Antonio Banderas, Fred Armisen, and Horatio Sanz give a special announcement that the Spanish-speaking population really is plotting a secret plan to take over America. This was after Amy Poehler and Chris Parnell were complaining that Antonio Banderas was so good that he was another Mexican trying to take an American’s job.

  13. Mary J. Blige then returned to the stage to perform Enough Crying.

  14. Wine Enthusiasts had Antonio Banderas, Amy Poehler, and Chris Parnell as a group of pretentious friends who each offered increasingly outlandish comments on the wines that they were tasting at a wine tasting event.

  15. Finally, Antonio Banderas closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E14... HOST: MATT DILLON... DATE: MARCH 11, 2005

SNL: S31E14... HOST: MATT DILLON... DATE: MARCH 11, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with a group of college on their way to Spring Break In Cancun who all gabbed about their crazy plans for this debaucherous break from school while the non-college normals were forced to listen in. The biggest joke of the sketch was the reveal that the normals involved were a couple of the girl's moms and dads who drove them to the airport and hung out to see them off. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually ended with the gaggle of girls announcing, “ Live from New York…”

  2. Matt Dillon then officially opened the show with a monolog that started with the usual host pleasantries that were followed by our host reading his hate-filled acceptance speech that he didn’t get to use at the Oscars from when he was nominated for his role in Crash where he played a hate-filled cop.

  3. This was followed by a fake ad for prisonmates.net which was an online dating site for women who wanted to make conjugal visits to prisons.

  4. This was followed by a parody of Sportscenter where Kenan Thompson played, guest, Barry Bonds to deny his steroid use in the midst of the MLB steroid scandal. Even though he claimed to never take the drug, evidence of its side effect kept popping up throughout the entire interview segment. We also heard from Matt Dillon who played Bond’s trainer that was accused of giving him the drug and also showed evidence of being on the juice as was the Giant’s mascot.

  5. We then got another SNL Digital Short called Doppelganger where Seth Meyers, Andy Samberg, and Will Forte nervously scanned a park for their doppelgangers during their outdoor work lunch. Though there were exact matches for Seth and Will, where they played their own look-alikes when it came to Andy the other two spotted a homeless looking Horatio Sanz and claimed that he was Andy’s evil twin. Andy didn’t agree, and when he went to stand side by side to make a comparison, Seth and Will couldn’t tell who was who. This led to the classic routine where, for some reason, Will Forte pulled out a gun to sort out who was the real Samberg. Of course, he shot Andy, and the two took on Horatio as their new replacement friend.

  6. Two A-holes At A Travel Agency brought the return of Jason Sudeikis and Kristin Wiig as their hilarious A-hole characters this time to vapidly plan a trip with a travel agent, Matt Dillon.

  7. How To Order Sushi Like A CEO was a fake ad for a business advice book where Matt Dillon played the CEO/Author who knew all of the jargon involved in ordering sushi even though it turns out that he’s not a huge sushi fan.

  8. This was followed by a fake ad for J.J. Casuals from earlier in the season where Andy Samberg played singer Jack Johnson to promote his brand of shoes that look like bare feet for those laidback folks who need to get around the no shoes, no shirt, no service rule.

  9. Joplin: Alive Podcast had Jason Sudeikis and Bill Hader as two podcast hosts who record their show from a booth at the local Bennigan’s, where they interview their friends while trying to hit on all the waitresses whenever they got the chance.

  10. Arctic Monkeys then took to the stage to perform I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor.

  11. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Horatio Sanz dropped by as a spokesperson for Dubai who kept dropping funny pop culture references while commenting on George W. Bush and the fact that he reneged the US port proposal. Will Forte also stopped by as a Mideast expert to sing an informative jingle in his effort to help differentiate Shai, Sunnis, and Kurds.

  12. TV Land Variety Vault then returned with an installment called The Vincent Price St. Patrick’s Day Special which was pretty much like the Thanksgiving edition only with the cast impersonating a new set of quirky guests from the past.

  13. Inner Harmony Relaxation Tape took us to a recording session for a relaxation tape where Matt Dillon played the voice-over actor who kept trying to improvise and often talk loud, completely unaware that these additions actually defeated the purpose of the project.

  14. We then went back to the Appalachian Emergency Room for more of the same fun and game with a bunch of injured rednecks.

  15. Arctic Monkeys then returned to the stage to perform A Certain Romance.

  16. DeCicco Brothers Unicornery had Matt Dillon and Bill Hader as two pitchmen who attempted to sell unicorns of all shapes and sizes to meet every one of their customer's bizarre needs.

  17. Finally, Matt Dillon closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E13... HOST: NATALIE PORTMAN... DATE: MARCH 4, 2005

SNL: S31E13... HOST: NATALIE PORTMAN... DATE: MARCH 4, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with A Message From The President Of The United States where Will Forte as George W. Bush addressed the public on issues of secret White House activities, mainly focusing on incidents where Bush knew more than he claimed. He also went on to discuss the incident where Dick Cheney shot his friend in the face as the result of a hunting accident. Of course with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York…”

  2. Natalie Portman then officially opened the show with a monolog about how she’s worked a lot but is probably best known for her role in Star Wars in a bit of a disappointed tone, that may or may not have been intentional. It didn’t take long before she was interrupted by the audience and then have to tackle a bunch of questions being raised by a group of Star Wars. Chris Parnell also chimed in as his creep character in order in order to ask our host for the clothes that she wore in The Professional which was a movie she starred in as an 11-year-old kid. Once again, I was surprised because I totally forgot how often Parnell opted to joke as if he/his character was a child molester on top of being a standard creep.

  3. This was followed by a repeat of the Nelson Baby Toupees ad that has already aired a couple times this season that pitched mini hairpieces for kids.

  4. We then went to a Jamba Juice where Natalie Portman, Seth Meyers, and Horatio Sanz played amped up employees who were so hopped up on the store’s high-energy supplement that the couldn’t stop themselves from offering free booster energy shots to the customers so they too could enjoy the buzz.

  5. This was followed by a parody of Larry King Live where Fred Armisen played Larry in order to interview Kristen Wiig as Felicity Huffman who was there to promote her movie Transamerica. Following the interview, Larry had on a group of transgender people who were in the middle of their sex change procedures which was very hard for Larry King to grasp.

  6. We then got another installment of one of my least favorite series of sketches called, The Needlers where once again, Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler played the couple that fights so much that it’s clear that they should get a divorce only it turns out that they just fight for the public makeup sex. This time their bickering took place at a fertility clinic with Natalie Portman as their doctor who second-guessed their choice to have kids, but by the end of the sketch they ended up naturally pregnant so that our host/their doctor end up having no say in the situation.

  7. TV Funhouse then gave us a belated Black History Month special where, actor, Dennis Haysbert showed clips from a cartoon called Token Blacks. This cartoon featured all of the “token black” cartoon characters from the ‘80s and “90s and turned out to be a complete failure but stilled earned a spot as the first Saturday morning cartoon to have the main cast made up of black people. Haysbert then went on to share the history of the Driving Daisy cartoon, and another one featured the musical group Lady Smith Black Mambazo.

  8. We then went back to the Artsy Apartment for more fun and games with the Nunis. This time Natalie Portman played the daughter Nuni who brought Jason Sudeikis home to meet her quirky Nuni parents.

  9. Fall Out Boy then took to the stage to perform Dance Dance.

  10. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Darrell Hammond as Donald Trump disguised as Martha Stewart dropped by in order to pump his own ego while addressing his and Martha’s Apprentice-based feud after her version of the show failed. Natalie Portman also dropped by as Olympian Sasha Cohen and attempted to tell a few jokes out of the blue. Kenan Thompson wrapped things up as he introduced his new line of clothes that targeted black men in drag and came complete with ball pouch and all the other accouterments after the success of Big Mamma’s House II.

  11. Maya Rudolph and Rachel Dratch then revised their character from their high school produced morning talk show called Wake Up Wakefield for a sketch called, Sheldon's Bar Mitzvah. In this sketch, as the title suggests, it’s Rachel Dratch’s character Sheldon’s Bar Mitzvah where he had to watch his short-term girlfriend make out with his best friend Andy Samberg/debate partner, while Maya Rudolph did nothing but daydream about being the next Mrs. Adam Levine.

  12. This was followed by the classic SNL Digital Short that bounced back and forth between Natalie Portman having an average interview with Chris Parnell, intercut with her rapping about her real identity where she is a psychotic badass.

  13. Fall Out Boy then returned to the stage to perform Sugar, We're Going Down.

  14. We then got a repeat of the Totally Rad Smoke Detector 3000 ad from earlier in the season which was for a smoke detector that plays ‘80s hits instead of an alarm whenever a fire breaks out.

  15. Finally, Natalie Portman closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E12... HOST: STEVE MARTIN... DATE: FEBRUARY 4, 2005

SNL: S31E12... HOST: STEVE MARTIN... DATE: FEBRUARY 4, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with An SNL Digital Short called The Sabotage Of Baldwin where, while trying to initiate an affair with the real Kelly Ripa, Steve Martin popped a Viagra pill just in time to learn of Alec Baldwin’s tie-breaking night from a fictional night where he was going to host his thirteenth episode. This caught Steve Martin off guard considering Alec Baldwin just entered the Twelve-Timers Club earlier in the year. Unfortunately, for Steve Martin, he learned of this news the second he took the pill which set off a Viagra countdown clock, as out host rushed to the studio to stop Alec Baldwin in order to save his title. First, our real host for the night snuck into Baldwin’s dressing room and killed him with piano wire before rolling him up in a rug. He then marched down the hall with a dead Alec over his shoulder as he knocking out Lorne Michaels for putting him in this position, and then dropped Baldwin’s body down to the ice skating rink seven stories below. Of course, with this being the opening segment, it all built up to our host’s announcement of, “Live from New York…”

  2. Steve Martin then officially opened the show with a monolog about how this was his fourteenth time to host. He then reflected back and shared a few moments from when he worked with the original cast while joking that he struggled to remember the exact date of his first visit. He then wrapped things up by sharing supposed photos of the original cast that all turned out to be him, before announcing Maya Rudolph’s return to the show following her pregnancy leave and making Viagra boner noises while showing the Viagra clock from the opening segment.

  3. This was followed by a fake ad for A Teddy Bear Holding A Heart which was just that, a crappy little teddy bear holding a heart like you can find at any gas station, but it was pitched as the ultimate romantic item any woman would love to receive as a gift on Valentine’s Day.

  4. We then got a parody of Oprah that had Maya Rudolph as Ms. Winfrey to parody the A Million Little Pieces book scandal from her show only in this round Steve Martin played the author who was selling a book called, Skating At The Bottom Of The Ocean which is also eventually revealed to be a false memoir.

  5. This was followed by a fake ad for a book called Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford where Chris Parnell played a financial expert/author who gave the simple titular advice in his not financial advisory book.

  6. Hamas Celebration Party had Steve Martin arrive to do stand-up at what he thought was a fun loving event only to find out that it was a rally be held by Hamas because the leaders of the group invited him to attend after mistaking him for an anti-Semite. Steve Martin was hesitant at first, but then after being reminded that they paid him five-hundred-thousand dollars, he gave into the idea of a gig being a gig and then did his best to promote The Pink Panther even though he was against what the rally stood for.

  7. This was followed by another SNL Digital Short called Close Talkers where Steve Martin and Will Forte played old friends who both talked extremely close to one another, so close that they looked like they were on the verge of kissing even as their friendly reunion turned into a close-talking argument.

  8. Quick Zoom Theatre showed us how the intensity of a dramatic scene can be easily heightened by the use of frequent quick zooms. To do so, we watch a scene in a doctor’s office where they would zoom in on any actor/actress after they delivered even the most mundane of lines. To add to the fun, the only time that there was an actual serious line, there was also no zoom at all.

  9. Prince then took to the stage to perform A Woman Scorned.

  10. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, was all Tina and Amy and not special guests at all.

  11. We were then taken to the Super Bowl XL Halftime Rehearsals where Horatio Sanz, Kenan Thompson, and Jason Sudeikis played halftime performers Aaron Neville, Aretha Franklin, and Dr. John who were all more interested in the free catering than rehearsing their number for the big show.

  12. Next, we were taken to Lorne's Office in time to see Steve Martin rush in and inform Lorne Michaels that rumor had it the episode’s ratings were going through the roof which led him to ask for more money for his hosting duties. Lorne didn’t think much of this threat and rather than renegotiate, he threated to replace our host with a recovering Alec Baldwin, who was still injured from the opening sketch, or Jimmy Fallon who was chomping at the bit to come back to host the show even though all Steve Martin wanted was five hundred extra bucks.

  13. The Prince Show was another reoccurring sketch to return where once again Fred Armisen played Prince with Maya Rudolph as his sidekick, Beyonce Knowles. This time the two weirdos had on Steve Martin as their personal chef and Kristin Wigg as Drew Barrymore who both added their own quirky notes to the show.

  14. State Of The Galaxy 2145 took us to the future where we learned that absolutely nothing has seemed to change. If anything, any issue we had at the time was just intensified, as Will Forte as George Q. Bush share stories of struggle, mainly focused on even more extreme weather caused by global warming and BS terrorist threats that have now spread throughout the entire galaxy.

  15. We then got yet another SNL Digital Short called Tangent where Fred Armisen met up with a date with Kristin Wiig and kept rambling on about the minutiae of life, even after she left. Though Wiig wasn’t interested, Bill Hader played a casting agent who crossed Fred’s path and felt Fred would be the perfect co-star for a movie written for Scarlett Johansson. The movie is made, and Fred’s a big hit as he continues to ramble throughout his entire promotional talk show circuit. This goes on and on until we find ourselves back at the original spot after Fred’s manager, Chris Parnell finally snaps from Fred’s constant rambling seconds after the opening weekend numbers revealed that the movie turned out to be a complete failure.

  16. Surfers took us to a beach where a bunch of young surfers kept dropping hints that Steve Martin was too old to join their squad, only he’s too out of it, in that surfer way, to pick up on the obvious clues.

  17. Prince then took to the stage with Tamar to perform Beautiful Love (3121).

  18. Naturally Crafting was a crafting talk show hosted by Rachel Dratch who had Steve Martin on as her guest. Throughout the interview, Dratch kept making it perfectly clear that she wanted Steve Martin to spend the night during a crazy blizzard. Even though Steve Martin got the hint that she had more than his safety in mind, he didn’t seem interested one bit and kept turning down her desperate offer. Of course, with this being comedy, the two ended up passionately making out by the end.

  19. Finally, Steve Martin closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E11... HOST: PETER SARSGAARD... DATE: JANUARY 21, 2005

SNL: S31E11... HOST: PETER SARSGAARD... DATE: JANUARY 21, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with a parody of Anderson Cooper 360 with Seth Meyers as Mr. Cooper who moderated a forum about a string of recent racist statements in the news. This forum was held via satellite that had Finesse Mitchell played New Orleans’ Mayor, Ray Nagin to clarify his use of the term “chocolate city, Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton tried to explain away her “plantation” comment, and Darrell Hammond as Jesse Jackson rambled on about all sorts of things he said in the past. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York…”

  2. Peter Sarsgaard then officially opened the show with a monolog about how he’s excited to host because nobody ever casts him to do any comedy since he’s usually cast as a creep. Being that he’s aware of his own creepiness, he claimed that he spent extra time with the cast to help them get used to his style. He shared behind-the-scenes footage of his attempted to easy the cast’s nerves only to end up doubling down on his disturbing behaviors.

  3. This was followed by a fake ad for Nelson Baby Toupees which as the title suggests was an ad that pitched a toupee for bald-headed babies.

  4. Kristin Wiig then returned as her enthusiastic Target employee character for another installment of Target Greatland. This time Wiig was her quirky self who held up her customers by eyeing their purchase items with genuine interest. From time to time Wiig would randomly wander off to make sure she didn’t miss any deals leaving the customers with Peter Sarsgaard who played her manager who was too busy enjoying his coffee on the sales floor to do any of his managerial work.

  5. We then went to a Pirate Convention where a group of pirates welcomed our host as himself to be their convention’s special guest. It didn’t take long for the pirate to interrupt his prepared speech by purposely finding reasons to make him emphasize the “Rs” in every word would speak.

  6. Horatio Sanz then returned as his overconfident skank of a character named Carol! This time the fun-loving plus sized girl was set up with Peter Sarsgaard who played an artist who was showing his work at an art gallery. As always, even though there doesn’t seem to be any reason the two would hit it off, Sarsgaard was instantly won over by Carol’s kooky charm.

  7. This week’s SNL Digital Short featured Andy Samberg in a musical tribute called Mr. Young Chuck Norris.

  8. We then went to the offices of the Cat Fancy magazine where Peter Sarsgaard played an editor who fired writer, Seth Meyers, for plagiarism. This sketch apparently was written as a parody of Sarsgaard’s film, Shattered Glass.

  9. The Strokes then took to the show to perform Juicebox.

  10. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Darrell Hammond and Seth Meyers dropped by as Al Gore and John Kerry in order to come out against the rumors that George W. Bush was using illegal wiretapping technics, but mainly the two were still sore from both losing their elections to this idiot. Drew Barrymore also made a quick surprise visit to object to a joke from Tina Fey that was about the former host’s boobs.

  11. Gays In Space also returned for another installment where this time the ship filled with gay astronauts entered a space bar where they had another run-in with the space lesbians who they donated sperm to during their debut sketch. They also had a run-in with Captain Sarsgaard’s space-ex, but none of this really went anywhere because I think the laughs were supposed to stem from the fact that everyone was gay.

  12. Fairmont Suites Inn took place in a motel room where Sarsgaard when nuts, as he suffered through the hotels default ad channel, because he couldn’t find his room’s remote control. At one point during the sketch, Sarsgaard accidentally disconnected the television making it extra hard for him to act against what was supposed to be showing on the screen.

  13. National Security Agency had Peter Sarsgaard and Jason Sudeikis as NSA agents who were stuck listening in on a mundane conversation between Amy Poehler and Rachel Dratch who played two old women who were not even close to being a threat to the USA or the world.

  14. The Strokes then returned to the stage to perform You Only Live Once.

  15. Peter Sarsgaard's SARS Guards was a fake ad where Sarsgaard was trying to capitalize off the latest outbreak of SARS by offering his own personal line of the titular product The Peter Sarsgaard’s SARS Guard.

  16. Finally, Peter Sarsgaard closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E10... HOST: SCARLETT JOHANSSON... DATE: JANUARY 14, 2005

SNL: S31E10... HOST: SCARLETT JOHANSSON... DATE: JANUARY 14, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with a TV Funhouse style cartoon from Robert Smigel called The 700 Gang that was an animated parody of The 700 Club. This parody showed, TV preacher, Pat Robertson as he espoused his hateful fanatical ideal about everything from recent events in Israel to his views on Dick Clark’s evil pranks onto a bunch of kids in an effort to lead them with fear. This appeared to be a last minute replacement because it didn’t really go anywhere and there was clearly an edit to the audio where they abruptly cut in the opening announcement of, “Live from New York…”

  2. Scarlett Johansson then officially opened the show with a monolog about how she was a bit nervous about this live performance because she was so used to working in films where there is always a chance for a second take. Amy Poehler joined our host on stage and attempted to boost her confidence by talking up her work. This led the two ladies to sing a song about how great it is to be a big star. In the song, Scarlett highlighted her Oscar-nominated hits, like Lost In Translation and Match Point while Amy tried to keep up by treating her silly roles in movies like Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo as if they were just as critically acclaimed.

  3. This was followed by yet another repeat of the Taco Town ad that has already played a couple of times since its original airing. This was a really funny add about a taco that gets wrapped in every type of food that you can think of, to then be deep fried and thrown in a tote full of salsa but the fact that they’ve been repeating it, almost literally, every other week, has me a bit annoyed.

  4. This was followed by another installment of Deep House Dish where Kenan Plays a DJ named Dynasty Handbag who once again does nothing but make fun of his vapid sidekick, played by Rachel Dratch, for being so dull as the two introduced new hip-hop and house music to their MTV-4 fans who totally ate it up.

  5. Smorgasb'rd was a parody of a Food Network, Swedish cooking show with Scarlett Johansson and Seth Meyers as the chefs/hosts who bantered back and forth with their Swedish accents as if they were two star-crossed lovers in a foreign indie film. To add to this tone, Bill Hader played Scarlett’s comatose husband who was lying in a bed off to the side of the set as we learned that the two cooking host had a pact to marry soon after Hader’s death.

  6. TV Funhouse then gave us a parody of a Hanna-Barbera-style Intelligenvision Kidz cartoon called Darwin, where an animated Charles Darwin kept making evolutionary blunders while trying to share his research results to the kids. This segment also featured mini fake ads for Bryo The Gay Stem Cell which was a gay embryo that had a Roadrunner-esque relationship with Hilary Clinton who wanted to catch our hero to use for research and Celibots which were a bunch of celibate Transformers.

  7. This was followed by a fake ad for Mike And Toni's Chandelier Galaxy where Fred Armisen and Rachel Dratch played the titular pitch people who tried to push their chandeliers as the solution to escape your mundane daily rituals.

  8. Duluth Live was a parody of a small market morning talk show with Jason Sudeikis and Amy Poehler as the two peppy hosts who were ecstatic to welcome their new house band, only to quickly regret the new additions after it takes lead singers, Will Forte and Scarlett Johansson, damn near forever to get through the new/extended theme song. Not only does the song go on and on, but it devolves to be reminiscent of a Doors concert as Will Forte slammed a bottle of Jack and then started to carry on about the plight of the Native Americans.

  9. Death Cab For Cutie then took to the stage to perform Soul Meets Body.

  10. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Tina acted as a body language expert to break down Rachel Dratch’s facial expression while she played Martha-Ann Bomgardner who was watching her husband, Samuel Alito, as played by Chris Parnell who was getting sworn in as the latest member of the Supreme Court. Tina also played an impromptu host to play a game of “Who said the horrible quote?” where Amy had to determine if a horrible statement was said publicly by Pat Robertson or the mutterings of a homeless guy into a plastic bag. Andy Samberg also dropped by for a new segment called The Shaggy Hair Corner where he broke down the looks of fellow celebrities who shared his shaggy hairstyle.

  11. We then got a parody of My Super Sweet 16 where Scarlett Johansson played the demanding teenager of honor who had an extreme list of demands for her parents to put on the most important sweet 16 birthday party that the MTV show and/or the world had ever seen. She then threw a fit when she found out that many of her plans were impossible.

  12. We then went to a jewelry shop called Once In A Lifetime Jewelers where Jason Sudeikis made a complete ass out of himself while trying to shop for a low-priced engagement ring for his girlfriend as Scarlett Johansson played the jeweler who called him out over very area where he attempted to skimp away any unneeded costs. Throughout the haggling process, Sudeikis kept hinting that he might have to steal a ring if he had to so when Scarlett gave him the final price quote, and he tried to do a grab and run Finesse Michelle, as story security hit him with a taser before he could even turn away.

  13. Oceanographers took us to the bottom of the Kuril-Kamchatka Trench where Scarlett Johansson, Seth Meyers, and Horatio Sanz were all stuck in a tiny three-person submarine as they explored the sea. Scarlett and Seth played a married couple while Horatio steered the boat. After a moment we learned something was a little off, and then it’s revealed that somehow, in this cramped space, Scarlett and Horatio manage to sneak off and fit in an affair that left Seth floor both literally and figuratively how this was able to happen.

  14. Death Cab For Cutie then returned to the stage to perform Crooked Teeth.

  15. We then got a parody trailer for an adaptation of a lost Jane Austin novel called Mr. Willoughby that had Scarlett Johansson, Tina Fey, and Rachel Dratch as three sisters who speak vibrantly in expectation of the soon-to-arrive titular Mr. Willoughby. Though they make him out to sound like a monster, at the same time they acted like he was the man of their dreams as if even at his worst, he was the best that this time period had to offer.

  16. Finally, Scarlett Johansson closed the show by thanking the audience and saying her goodnights.

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SNL: S31E09... HOST: JACK BLACK... DATE: DECEMBER 17, 2005

SNL: S31E09... HOST: JACK BLACK... DATE: DECEMBER 17, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with A Holiday Message From The Vice-President Of The United States where Darrell Hammond as a Santa-clad Dick Cheney asked children visitors to the White House what they wanted for Christmas, only to have their answers sound extremely scripted to meet the agenda of the Bush Administration. Will Forte as George W. Bush also joined in on the festive fun by sitting on Santa/Cheney’s lap to ask him for an X-Box 360 for Christmas, and then went on to announce, “Live from New York…”

  2. Jack Black then officially opened the show with a monolog about what it was like to work on the new King Kong with Peter Jackson and then sang a song about the giant ape that he claimed Jackson refused to add to the film.

  3. This was followed by a fake ad for the Stuart Little Mouse Removal Kit where they promoted a convoluted Stuart Little themed mouse trap that required homeowners to place a trail of cheese to a toy car on a track that led to outside the how where the car then blows up mafia style and then repeat until all of the vermin are dead.

  4. Sbarro had Jack Black, Amy Poehler, and Rachel Dratch as a family out Christmas shopping and decided to take a break for a slice of pizza from Sbarro. After getting their order, they sat down to enjoy their meal, only to be inundated by strong winds that blew them and their items all over the restaurant whenever anyone would open the door.  

  5. We then got another installment of Appalachian Emergency Room which featured more of the same but a same that I don’t mind. Once again, we just witness the ER from the front desk as one redneck after the next came in with some of the freakiest hillbilly injuries you will ever see. To add to the fun, musical guest, Neil Young even got involved in this one, and so did Johnny Knoxville who seemed more like himself than he did when he was hosting his own episode.

  6. TV Funhouse then gave us a parody of a holiday special from the ‘60s where tonight’s special musical guest Darlene Love delivered a Claymation performance of a song called Christmas For The Jews.

  7. Darlene Love then stuck around for a non-parody performance of  I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas.

  8. Channel 5 News Team Photo Shoot took us to a photo shoot for a news crew who updated their group publicity photo at the end of each year. The theme for this year was “pointing” where the group was supposed to point and smile at one another for the final pose. Though everyone was quick to figure this simple choreography out, no one would point to Jack Black who played the weatherman. This made our host paranoid which led him to act weird as he attempted to force himself into positions where it would be impossible for a finger not to be pointing his way. It took forever for them to finally satisfy the photographer and when we saw the final shot it wasn’t the perfect shot that was hinted at but instead a shot where Jack Black’s pointing finger was the only evidence that he was actually in the picture.    

  9. This was followed by the first SNL Digital Short to become a classic. This classic featured Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell out on the street, rapping like badasses about The Chronicles Of Narnia and how they were excited to watch it on the opening afternoon.

  10. Neil Young then took to the stage to perform It's A Dream.

  11. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Kenan Thompson and, special guest, Tracy Morgan stopped by as tourism representative for Skull Island in order to do damage control for their home since the new King Kong movies led their visitorship to be down.

  12. A Very Downer Christmas gave us a flashback to 1978 where we saw a young Debbie Downer walk in on Jack Black as “the real Santa.” At first, he tried her to go back to bed, but her downer attitude led Santa to try to cheer her up by trying to offer he the perfect gift, only to get nothing but downer facts about every gift he suggested.

  13. Space War 2148 took us to a planet where Andy Samberg as a hermaphrodite alien was stranded on a random planet with a human Jack Black. Though the two were once enemies before the space battle that left them in this predicament, they were now trying to work as a team to live. Well, that was Jack Black’s plan, Samberg on the other hand, kept trying to get our host to sleep with him by claiming they needed to repopulate the universe but Jack Black just wouldn’t give in.

  14. Two A-Holes Buying a Christmas Tree is one of my favorite sketches of all time that featured Jason Sudeikis and Kristin Wiig as two vapid snobs at a Christmas tree lot trying to find the perfect tree with Jack Black as the lot attendant who tried his best to meet their ever-changing, always confusing needs.

  15. We then went to a Spelling Bee where Will Forte played a young Jack Black who struggled to spell the word “Business” while the real Jack Black and his sidekick Kyle Glass summarized this tale through a Tenacious D-style song.

  16. Neil Young then returned to the stage to perform He Was The King.

  17. Finally, Jack Black closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E08... HOST: ALEC BALDWIN... DATE: DECEMBER 10, 2005

SNL: S31E08... HOST: ALEC BALDWIN... DATE: DECEMBER 10, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with parody coverage form Saddam's Prison Cell where Alec Baldwin played the imprisoned Saddam who sought mercy from Fred Armisen who played the prison guard. This pleading included threats to Armisen's family that he quickly claimed were jokes but no matter how playful the captured dictator tried to appear, Armisen just wouldn't give in. With no other options, Saddam gave up on his effort in order to announce, “Live from New York...”

  2. Alec Baldwin then officially opened the show with a monolog about this being his twelfth time hosting the show. After making the big announcement, he went on to summarize his hosting statistics in order to compare himself with other reoccurring hosts. He started with Steve Martin who, at this time, was the only person who hosted one more show that him but then pointed out that Martin had begun collecting stats in the '70s when he's only been at it since sometime in the '80s. He then broke down a few of his old clips and brought out Tim Meadows to wrap up the rest of what he's learned from his dozen visits.

  3. This was followed by a fake ad for Tylenol BM which was a pain-relieving sleeping pill that worked so well that its users could get such good sleep that they wouldn't even wake to go to the bathroom. Alec Baldwin played our example man to show us how this works.

  4. Face Transplant had Alec Baldwin as the husband of the woman who received the world's first face transplant after being attacked by a wolf. The operation left Baldwin's once-hot wife looking like Seth Meyers, but thankfully, due to another mishap, the face didn't take, so they had to do the operation again. This time, Alec's wife came out looking like a buck-toothed hick version of Rachel Dratch which led Baldwin to force another mishap. This nest face transplant left Alec's wife looking like Kenan Thompson. Baldwin was instantly concerned to where it first seemed like it was a racial issue but then we learned that Kenan played a person who Baldwin know back when they were both in the military and had raped our host and left him for dead which made the doctor agree to try yet another transplant. For the fifth and final reveal, we saw Amy Poehler all dolled up which made Alec a happy husband as he started to feel her up. This was when the doctor re-entered the room to inform Baldwin that his wife was dead and he was, in fact, feeling up a stranger. This didn't stop the groping, if anything it seemed like he treated his action like a consolation prize.

  5. The was followed by another parody of The O'Reilly Factor where once again Darrell Hammond played the titular host to argue with Chris Parnell and Alec Baldwin as John McCain and Barney Frank. Of course, with this being the O'Reilly show, the blow-hard of a host both disagreed with both sides of a two-sided argument depending on which person was speaking.

  6. TV Funhouse then introduced a segment called Celebrity Mugshot Poker where cardboard mugshot replicas of celebrities with any form of criminal past showed of their quirks during a high-stakes game of poker.

  7. This was followed by a fake trailer for Brokeback Goldmine which, of course, was a parody of Brokeback Mountain only with Alec Baldwin and Will Forte in the lead roles while playing prospectors searching for gold when they found one another instead.

  8. Shakira took to the stage to perform Don't Bother.

  9. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, we got to see a series of fake audition to fill the latest vacancy at ABC News after Peter Jennings passed away. Kenan Thompson also stopped by as a ventriloquist/activist who tried to make a commentary on racism through his dummy that turned out to be extremely racist against white people. The news ended with the announcement of Richard Prior's death followed by a clip of the sketch where he and Chevy Chase had a racist off during a job interview.

  10. We then got another installment of The Tony Bennett Show where Alec Baldwin revised his role as Tony Bennett in order to act like his quirky self while interviewing Darrell Hammond as Vice President, Dick Cheney.

  11. This was followed by round two with Horatio Sanz's, overconfident, overweight, self-proclaimed skank, Carol! This time we went to a bowling alley where Jason Sudeikis and Amy Poehler tried to set up Alec Baldwin with our titular character and once again the two happily hit it off. We also got introduced to the brand new Carol! theme song.

  12. The Man Who Married A Hot Dog had Alec Baldwin as a grown man who was told as a kid, “If you like hot dogs so much, why don't you marry them?” and so he did. This sketch showed how he was raising his two teenage half-human/half-hot dog kids as played by Amy Poehler and Andy Samberg.

  13. This was followed by a fake ad for Medicare where Jason Sudeikis played a spokesman who sang a cheesy parody of Love Train that mainly used computer jargon that old people would never understand in an effort to get them on board with the new Medicare online services.

  14. Shakira then took to the stage with Alejandro Sanz to perform La Tortura.

  15. Santa's Workshop was a parody of Glengarry Glen Ross with Alec Baldwin revising his role only as an elf efficiency expert who rode all of the other elves over the fact that their productivity was very low that year, and used his verbal threats to get their asses into gear. Throughout the sketch, Alec kept mixing the parody line with the actual lines from the movie, like when he kept saying “Always Be Closing,” instead of, “Always Be Cobbling,” which was written on the chalkboard making the mistake even more clear to spot.

  16. Finally, Alec Baldwin closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E07... HOST: DANE COOK... DATE: DECEMBER 3, 2005

SNL: S31E07... HOST: DANE COOK... DATE: DECEMBER 3, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with parody coverage of The Tree Re-Lighting Special that celebrated the re-lighting of the “holiday tree” in Rockefeller Center, where they turned off the lights moments after the first lighting just to turn them back on to the soundtrack of a choir that sang religiously-neutral carols that ran no risk of offending viewers with beliefs where they don't practice the celebration of Christmas. This is probably around the time the whole, “War on Christmas,” nonsense in the news began. Of course, with it being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York...”

  2. Dane Cook then officially opened the show with several bits from his stand-up routine, ending on the joke about him flicking cashews off of his penis when he gets bored.

  3. Monday Morning Assembly had members of a high school drama club put on an avant-garde show where they re-enacted the mundane events of recent morning announcements to the school.

  4. We then got a repeat of the fake ad for Taco Town from earlier in the season which was a taco that was wrapped in every type of food you can think of only to be serviced in a bag filled with salsa.

  5. The Long Ride Home: The Jay Feely Story was the parody of a movie of the week that share the tale of Dane Cook the titular disgraced football kicker who flubbed a field goal attempt during a big game. Our hero almost got a chance to redeem himself by saving the day when a pilot fell ill during their flight home Jay's hometown. Though he took the controls with confidence, the landing of the plane was very reminiscent of the incident that cause Jay his shame which only added to the pressure, and though he successfully avoided a repeat of history by landing the plane a new problem arose when Jay realized that he had no idea how to stop while on the ground.

  6. Wool Sweater took place at a Christmas party where Dane Cook was excited to show off his new eight-hundred dollar wool turtleneck sweater that he bought to impress Amy Poehler. It didn't take long for Dane to end up working himself into a frenzy while trying to cope with the discomforts that come with wearing wool.

  7. SNL Digital Short then made its show debut with a short film that featured Andy Samberg and Will Forte as two friends who discussed their problems while each was eating a head of lettuce, instead of sharing a beer or a smoke of something more traditional for this type of conversation. It then turned out that this was actually an ad from The United Lettuce Growers Association.

  8. Target Greatland, introduced Kristin Wiig's Target employee character who trained Dane Cook and the two provided some of the worst customer service ever but it was also clear that the positive intent was there highlighting that they were naturally weird and this wasn't a case of slackers who just didn't want to be there. If anything, Wiig's and Cook's over-enthusiasm for the store and it's products was the biggest problem.

  9. James Blunt then took to the stage to perform You're Beautiful.

  10. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Rachel Dratch dropped by with a film that showed a social experiment where she walked around New York City in a fat suit. First struggled to do things that even a skinny person would struggle with, then drew attention to herself while freaking out over the fact that people weren't giving her extra positive or negative attention, and finally discovered that at this weight she was more popular with black guys. Kenan Thompson also stopped by as Michael Irvin to comment on his recent drug arrest.

  11. The Coma had Dane Cook wake from a twenty-four-hour coma to find that even though he was only out for one day, he seemed like he was in an altered universe that seemed like he was out for decades.

  12. Fight Back With Victor Ramos was sketch about a show hosted by Horatio Sanz as a self defense instructor who, along with his sidekick Dane Cook, attempted to teach Amy Poehler, as a Chicago Transit Authority employee, the proper way to fight a terrorist, only to have the demo go completely wrong when it turned out to be just a racist play of sorts highlighting how Horatio's and Dane's characters just didn't trust brown people in turbans without giving any real helpful advice. Though these two characters were bigots, I wouldn't say that the sketch itself was racist but instead racial considering how it ended with Amy Poehler pointing out that this line of thinking was wrong and she got to have the last line/joke.

  13. James Blunt then returned to the stage to perform Goodbye My Lover.

  14. This was followed by yet another repeat of the Morgan Stanley that has already played a few times since its original airing. It infuriates me that they reuse this ad so often because I didn't even like it the first go around and now it seems to be on every other episode.

  15. Finally, Dane Cook closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E06... HOST: EVA LONGORIA... DATE: NOVEMBER 19, 2005

SNL: S31E06... HOST: EVA LONGORIA... DATE: NOVEMBER 19, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with another parody of Fox News Special Report with Darrell Hammond as Brit Hume that continued the trend of starting the show of this season when Hume through to another Q&A session on the Iraq war, and other White House scandals, this time while on a trip to China. I probably wouldn't be as annoyed by this if it was still relevant and spread out over weeks, but these running political commentaries can get old much quicker when it happens several days in a row. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York...”

  2. Eva Longoria then officially opened the show with a monolog about her role on Desperate Housewives and then went on to make a couple more jokes that referenced her hit show before introducing the voice of Kristin Wiig as the narrator of Desperate House to the voice of Don Pardo because she thought they would hit it off. As someone who's never seen a second of the show, aside from Don Pardo's involvement, I didn't get, and/or care about a bulk of these jokes

  3. This was followed by a repeat of the Totally Rad Smoke Detector 3000 commercial from earlier in the season which was a smoke detector that played '80s pop hits instead of a siren.

  4. The Spammies allowed our host and the cast to impersonate random celebrities and scum for this award show devoted to the best of the best of distributors of junk e-mail.

  5. Deep House Dish had Kenan Thompson as DJ Dynasty Handbag who mocked the dullness of his hipster co-star, played by Rachel Dratch, while the two introduced new hip-hop and house music stars to the audience of an MTV 4 event.

  6. We then got a repeat of the Morgan Stanley commercial from earlier in the season where Will Forte played an investment banker who yelled at Amy Poehler for wasting money by not studying because his client/her dad was too timid to criticize his daughter himself

  7. The Needlers turned out to be the new name of “The Couple Who Should Get A Divorce” series, that I have yet to enjoy. This time Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler were fighting at a college reunion, where the two ended up making out after a having a run in with Eva Longoria who was an ex of Seth's and was now a marriage counselor who tried to help. Of course, this doesn't go well because it makes Amy jealous, which only add to the passion of their make up sex session that went down in the coatroom.

  8. Variety Vault then shared a “lost television show” that for the first time wasn't the Hee-Haw meets Laugh-In sketch but instead was a Thanksgiving special hosted by Vincent Price. Price's guests for this special were Darrell Hammond as Clark Gable, Horatio Sanz as Alfred Hitchcock, Kristen Wiig as a drunken Judy Garland, Fred Armisen as Ricky Ricardo and Eva Longoria as Lucille Ball.

  9. Korn then took to the stage to perform Twisted Transistor.

  10. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Rachel Dratch checked in via satellite as Ohio Republican Jean Schmidt only to get booed out of the House Of Representatives while trying to retract a scandalous remark the real Schmidt made during a recent address to the House. Fred Armisen also stopped by as Steve Jobs to share the tiniest of iPods that hold more and more songs as the shrink.

  11. What Really Happened at the Vanity Fair Photo Shoot was a sketch where, as the title suggests, Eva Longoria along the female members of the cast impersonated to women of Desperate Housewives so reenact the chaos that took place during a photo shoot for Vanity Fair that jokingly confirmed all of the behind the scenes feuds that the tabloids were talking about at this time.

  12. Trapped In The Closet Two had Finesse Mitchell as R. Kelly for a reality show spoof follow up to Kelly's epic, multi-segmented song/music video. The only problem with this sketch is, though it's sort of fun, the original is so over-the-top that this parody felt like the more reasonable of the two.

  13. We then got a fake ad for an album featuring a German family quartet called The Englehart Five where a majority of their songs focused on the negligent homicide of their fifth sibling named, Klaus.

  14. Korn then returned to the stage to perform Freak On a Leash.

  15. Eva Longoria then pitched a pill called Firmium that she claimed to use to prevent any potentially embarrassing diarrhea outbreaks while on the set of Desperate Housewives.

  16. Finally, Eva Longoria closed the show by thanking the audience and saying her goodnights.

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SNL: S31E05... HOST: JASON LEE... DATE: NOVEMBER 12, 2005

SNL: S31E05... HOST: JASON LEE... DATE:  NOVEMBER 12, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with yet another parody of Hardball where once again Darrell Hammond played Chris Matthews this time to berate several of his usual guest over the Republican Party's disarray over several Republican scandals that were going on at this time. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York...”

  2. Jason Lee then officially opened the show with a monolog about how he was a pro-skateboarder before he entered the world of acting before sharing a pre-recorded video of him and the male cast member from the show while out on an afternoon skateboarding excursion, where even Lorne Michaels got involved.

  3. This was followed by a fake ad for J.J. Casuals where Andy Samberg played, singer, Jack Johnson to pitch a pair of shoes that looked like real feet for the casual customer who preferred to walk around barefoot but needed some extra protection.

  4. We then got to watch the debut of the cable access sketch called Good Morning Meth! For this show, Jason Lee played the show's host with Amy Poehler as his sidekick for this 24/7 talk show marathon where they and their guest quickly started to freak out as they tried to stay cool while all hopped up on meth.

  5. The Falconer then returned to make a very old reference when they had Jason Lee as a wealthy land developer who made an Indecent Proposal with the Falconer by offering him one-million dollars for one night with his flying pet. This was a tempting deal because it meant that the Falconer and his bird would be able to afford a huge chunk of the forest where the two could continue to live. When all was said and done The Falconer gives in to Lee's plan... well... the Falcon left with Lee before the Falconer had a chance to respond. This was followed by a crazy sex scene between Lee and the Falcon

  6. We then got a fake ad for Thomas And Dobbins, an investment firm where Finesse Mitchell played a broker who offered investment advice for our society's less-than-fortunate investors where, rather than suggest his clients invest wisely, he suggests things like playing the lottery or investing in collectible plates.

  7. The Soaking Wet Killer was the parody of a generic horror film where Jason Sudeikis and Kristin Wiig played a couple who seem oblivious to the fact that the hitchhiker they picked up with the titular serial killer, even though, Jason Lee, the hitchhiking killer in question, was soaking wet while stories of his crimes played out on the car's radio. They never ended up catching on as they shared way too much information to Jason who asked them to drop him off after he learned their house, being watched by their niece was the perfect match to his murderous MO. At first, it felt a little too dark to end of this note but then we learned that this niece had her monster of a boyfriend with her along with the pack of Pit Bulls.

  8. Refurbishments was a parody of an old school PBS-style home repair show where Chris Parnell and Rachel Dratch played a pair of hosts who dropped by Jason Lee's workshop to get a few pointers on some home repair work. It turned out that Lee's area of expertise involved working with caulk which of course led to nothing but caulk talk between both hosts and their guest.

  9. Foo Fighters then took to the stage to perform DOA.

  10. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Fred Armisen played the French Ministry Of The Interior to check in via satellite and announce that France was ready to surrender to the youth of the country who had been rioting over the past couple weeks. Finesse Michelle and Kenan Thompson then returned as Donovan McNabb and his mother, Wilma in order to discuss a recent controversy involving Terrell Owens where he bashed his own team over a disagreement that led to a loss. Tina and Amy then used Barbies to re-enact the Carolina Panthers cheerleader scandal. Andy Samberg then wrapped things up by playing an eighteen-year-old who was recently elected the mayor of a small town in Michigan and shared his plans for a bunch of new laws that mainly focused on things that would benefit him personally like how girls can not reject the mayor's invitation to the prom.

  11. Butt Pregnancy took place at a baby shower where the guests of a pregnant Amy Poehler were caught off guard when she entered the room with no baby bump on her belly which we quickly found out was because she was going to give birth to a butt baby.

  12. 'Stachin' was a panel talk show sketch where the host and the guest discussed the mustache lifestyle, keeping in mind that this was at a time before mustaches were looked at as being hip, or at least this was the point where more people started to wear them for what seemed to be novelty purposes until the look actually caught on..

  13. Foo Fighters then returned to the stage to perform Best Of You.

  14. We then got a fake ad for American Taser where our host, along with several members of the cast tased each other one after another, switching to be the next pitch person to highlight the company's claim that there's a taser for everyone and also for every occasion.

  15. Finally, Jason Lee closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E04... HOST: LANCE ARMSTRONG... DATE: OCTOBER 29, 2005

SNL: S31E04... HOST: LANCE ARMSTRONG... DATE: OCTOBER 29, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with A Message From The Vice-President Of The United States where Darrell Hammond as Dick Cheney denied his staff's illegal activities in the Scooter Libby scandal. Throughout the VP's delivery, the room filled with smoke as staff members burnt the evidence. This continued on as Cheney kept insisting the smoke was completely normal even as several firemen came to fight the fire. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York...”

  2. Lance Armstrong then officially opened the show with a monolog about how he was excited to host and that he was surprised to find that he had the energy to get through such a grueling schedule. This led him to take a few questions from the audience that mainly focused on his steroid use and when he planned to marry, fiance at the time, Sheryl Crow who was also tonight musical guest.

  3. We then went to a Celebrity Ironman Race where Lance Armstrong took an early lead thanks to his cycling skills, only to end up finishing the race dead last because of his inability to run or swim.

  4. This was followed by a fake ad for Totally Rad Smoke Detector 3000 which was a smoke detector that opted to play rad '80s hits instead of an annoying siren when it detects a fire.

  5. The Indigo Girls had Rachel Dratch and Amy Poehler as the titular band who hosted a show where they lived out their dreams of creating their music while living a secluded life in the mountain with their twenty-six dogs. Musical guest, Sheryl Crow stopped by for a visit but it didn't go well when Crow criticized the girls about how distracting the whole set up was for their guests. This led a bunch of bickering until Lance Armstrong to step in as a ranger to break things up because it turned out this was a national park and not The Indigo Girl's land.

  6. We then got a parody of The O'Reilly Factor where Darrell Hammond played the confrontational host to highlight how he often put the wrong spin on the major issues of the day, despite his claims to run a “no spin zone.” For this installment, O'Reilly was off with his views on a grand jury investigation of Scooter Libby, and the nomination of Harriet Miers.

  7. Sheryl Crow then took to the stage to perform Good Is Good.

  8. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Rachel Dratch dropped in as a drunken Harriet Miers to point out that no one in the Bush administration was qualified for their job which is why she felt she fit in. Finesse Mitchell also exercised a sit-in claiming that he wouldn't leave the Weekend Update desk until the show brought on an official black anchor to join the news, following the death of Rosa Parks. He then went on to list several black accomplishments that the media is constantly pointing out that people should be proud of and then broke down how these successes were either examples of sell-outs or white people in disguise. He finished the sit-in protest the moment that Amy informed his that the models he met at the club had just arrived and were waiting in Finesse's dressing room. The White Sox's Scott Podsednik then made a cameo appearance to confront Tina and Amy after he realized they weren't true fans of his sport. Then two wrap things up, Kenan Thompson stopped by as Mrs. Butterworth to claim her responsibility for a maple syrupy smell that mysteriously plagued New York at the time.

  9. A Song For Sheryl had Lance Armstrong team up with Fred Armisen and Bill Hader who played his gardeners who help out host compose a song for his fiancee, Sheryl Crow, only to find that even with help, Armstrong had no musical talents at all.

  10. This was followed by a parody of Days Of Our Lives where Darrell Hammond play Donald Trump who was hired for a cameo role but struggled to stick to what little of a script that he had to quote because he was too insistent on promoting himself.

  11. We then met Horatio Sanz's new character, Carol! In this debut sketch, this cheerful yet skanky overweight character was set up on a date with Lance Armstrong and even though they didn't seem to be a proper fit, the more that the talked, the more that it seemed Carol was changing Lance's character's life for the better.

  12. Sheryl Crow then returned to the stage to perform Strong Enough.

  13. Hitman had Horatio Sanz as the hitman in question who was tasked to kill Lance Armstrong's character only to be constantly distracted by Will Forte and his incessant laughter at Horatio's bad guy-style last word/joke.

  14. Finally, Lance Armstrong closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E03... HOST: CATHERINE ZETA-JONES... DATE: OCTOBER 22, 2005

SNL: S31E03... HOST: CATHERINE ZETA-JONES... DATE: OCTOBER 22, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with another parody of Special Report where Darrell Hammond as Brit Hume through to a segment that had Will Forte as President George W. Bush for another Q&A session only this time the people asking the questions were a selection of soldiers who were connected via satellite for Iraq. Unlike last time, however, Bush was way less timid with his answers because the questions being as were so obviously scripted that clear to see that they were reading every word that came out of their mouths. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York...”

  2. Catherine Zeta-Jones then officially opened the show with a monolog about how she was nervous to host because she didn't feel quite ready to make herself look like a fool on live television. These nerves didn't last long as our host transitioned into a song called They Can't Take My Oscar Away while performing a tap routine that proved the last thing she had to worry about was a lack of confidence.

  3. This was followed by a fake ad for The Butt Cancer Treatment Center where Jason Sudeikis played a patient who used gross euphemisms to describe his latest treatment.

  4. We then got a parody of Newsnight With Aaron Brown where Darrell Hammond played the titular host to do a satellite interview with Catherine Zeta-Jones as a reporter who was stuck in the ruins of Pashwan and thanks to all of the destruction, personal hygiene issues were clearly starting to take its toll as the sketch ran through several days using somewhat of a montage technique.

  5. Dancer Party took place in a fancy apartment where Seth Meyers played Catherine Zeta-Jones's boyfriend who felt very uncomfortable for being the only straight-laced person in the room that was filled with Bob Fosse-style dancers who all fought for the spotlight with their quirky dancer ways.

  6. Franz Ferdinand then took to the stage to perform Do You Want To.

  7. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Jason Sudeikis played a high school football coach who was oblivious to the fact that his school no longer had a team to coach after pulling themselves from the league after an extremely embarrassing defeat. The voice of Don Pardo then hit on Amy and Tina, before Fred Armisen introduced a blind prop-comic who stubble through his set while struggling to find his props. The news then wrapped up with a quick note that former Not Ready For Prime Time Player, Charles Rocket had just passed away.

  8. Italian Hotel had Bill Hader as the hotel owner who along with his staff, made up of Catherine Zeta-Jones and a couple cast members who only knew how to say American pop culture references while interacting with their American guests while clearing making fun of them whenever they spoke Italian.

  9. This was followed by a parody of Access Hollywood where Sharon Stone attempted to share her Farm Aid-style song for the victims of Hurricane Katrina called Feed The Wet Once, only the celebrity turnout to get involved was absolutely pathetic.

  10. Creighton Boys School took place in the teacher's lounge where Amy Poehler and Rachel Dratch played language teachers who were jealous about the popularity of Catherine Zeta-Jones who played the school's new French teacher that stole all the boys in the school after they swap classes just because of her looks.

  11. Franz Ferdinand the returned to the stage to perform Take Me Out.

  12. Musical Vows had Catherine Zeta-Jones and Will Forte and a bride and groom who opted to sing their vows with lyrics that got rather raunchy as they shared the tale of their love through a song that ended with them spanking one another as the song hit its crescendo.

  13. This was followed by a repeat of the Morgan Stanley commercial from earlier in the season where Will Forte played the CEO stockbroker who yelled at Amy Poehler about the money she was wasting while not doing well in school because her dad, Fred Armisen, was too passive to deal with the issue himself.

  14. Schatzki's Deli brought back Rachel Dratch and Seth Meyers as the Grandfather/Grandson team of producers who met with Amy Poehler and Catherine Zeta-Jones at a deli to pitch the movies each man wanted to produce that both had themes and story-lines that were polar opposites of one another.

  15. Finally, Catherine Zeta-Jones closed the show by thanking the audience and saying her goodnights.

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SNL: S31E02... HOST: JON HEDER... DATE: OCTOBER 8, 2005

SNL: S31E02... HOST: JON HEDER... DATE: OCTOBER 8, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started in the White House where Darrell Hammond as Dick Cheney advised Will Forte as George W. Bush that his Harriet Miers Nomination to replace Sandra Day O'Connor was ill-advised because there was blatant favoritism involved considering she was once Bush's own personal lawyer. We also got to see Rachel Dratch as the controversial lawyer who jumped right into Bush's arms the moment she entered the room to join the meeting. Bush then spent the rest of the sketch defending his pick while providing even more evidence as to why this would have been a bad idea. As always, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York...”

  2. Jon Heder then officially opened the show with a monolog about his post-Napoleon Dynamite life before taking questions from the audience which mainly focused on if our host's portrayal was based on a person that he knew in real life. Though Heder denied these rumors the next set of questions came from his “friends” Jason Sudeikis as Leopold Samsonite, Fred Armisen as Jose, and Will Forte as Kip who all clearly showed that these rumors were actually real.

  3. This was followed by a fake ad for Taco Town that parodied the extreme taco combos that you can find at Taco Bell that had a multi-layered taco wrapped by bigger and bigger food, and when it's all done the monster taco gets deep and put in a tote bag filled with salsa for the final step.

  4. We then got another visit from Kaitlin and Rick where this time the stepdaughter/stepfather combo teamed up to get through a fourth grade science project where her and Jon Heder share a few anecdotes about interaction they had with bugs while acting as if they were giving scientific facts and were totally surprised to find that they did not win the grand prize.

  5. The Werewolf was a sketch where Jon Heder was out on a date with Amy Poehler and upon sensing the pull of the full moon, he warned his potential mate that he was once bitten by a werewolf to give her a heads up about the fact that he was about to go through a change. Then, as soon as the full moon hit its peak and the transformation started to set in, the only change that came about was Heder growing a horrific mustache, which we then learned was because it was just a tiny bite.

  6. The Misadventures of Tom Delay and Bill Frist was a Thelma And Louise style parody that showed Jason Sudeikis and Will Forte as Tom Delay and Bill Frist on the road with Darrell Hammond as Bill Clinton in the Brad Pitt role.

  7. Fred Armisen's Ferecito character then gave us another installment of his talk show, Show Biz Grande Explosion! This time, he had on Jon Heder to teach him how to tell Ay, dios mio-style jokes. Ferecito also made several jokes about how Pedro should have been the true star of Napoleon Dynamite.

  8. Ashlee Simpson then took to the stage to perform Catch Me When I Fall.

  9. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week was another Amy and Horatio week with Tina still out because she recently gave birth. Will Forte dropped in as his character, Tim Calhoun, to announce his candidacy for the Supreme Court. A news story about a sexual harassment incident sent us into an Update Flashback, where Lorne Michaels seemed like he was about to harass Amy Poehler by asking her if she was wearing a bra only when she answered no, as if she were into it, Lorne switched gears and made a joke that it was pointless because she had no boobs and didn't end up coming onto her at all. I know this is still harassment, I'm just using the logic of the bit.

  10. Wilson Bros. Funeral Home started out a sketch where a group of friends had a bit of a reunion while they mourned the recent passing of a close friend. As time passed we went from funeral after funeral of these friends as one to two died with each passing day. At first, it seemed like there was a killer among the bunch until the final reveal where we learned that this actually was a fake commercial for a funeral home.

  11. Hubbard Systems had Seth Meyers as the head of a company retreat/seminar who broke from the standard routine to comment on the IT technician's who played a bunch of pranks on the corporate board members at the prior night company party after they all drank too much and passed out. This led to a line of presenters who had crazy facial hair drawn on their faces and/or were missing larger sections of their hair.

  12. Ashlee Simpson then returned to the stage to perform Boyfriend.

  13. Operator Date took us to a restaurant where a shy Jon Heder was set up on a blind date with Rachel Dratch, who not only recorded greeting for various companies phone systems but also speaks in the same monotone/operator voice when hanging out in public.

  14. We then got a fake ad for The Black Eyed Peas where several members of the cast portrayed the band to announce that they were available to be booked for parties and corporate events since they were so into selling out.

  15. Finally, Jon Heder closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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SNL: S31E01... HOST: STEVE CARELL... DATE: OCTOBER 1, 2005

SNL: S31E01... HOST: STEVE CARELL... DATE: OCTOBER 1, 2005

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started with a parody of NBC Special Report where once again, Darrell Hammond played Tim Russert, this time to host a Q&A session with a very reluctant Will Forte and President George W. Bush who very nervous about having to answer any question about current events without the help of a handler. Of course, with this being the opening sketch, it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York...”

  2. Steve Carell then officially opened the show with a monolog about he once auditioned to be on the show as a Not Ready For Prime Time Player only to be beaten out by Will Ferrell. He then went on to brag about his recent success with 40-Year-Old Virgin and how the sleeper hit put him in front of a whole new audience than he was used to before he was in such a hit. This led him to sing a song about how he now in league with “frat-packers” like Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson and so-on and so-on.

  3. This was followed by a fake ad for The Morgan Stanley Brokerage Firm that had Will Forte and the titular CEO/Broker who berated Amy Poehler about the fact that she was not trying enough at school and dressed like a whore as if he were an irate stepfather, especially considering Poehler's “couldn't care less response. After the tirade was over, we learned that he wasn't related to Amy at all but was just her timid dad's, as played by Fred Armisen, stockbroker to show just how far the company will go to make sure that their client's money is going to the right cause by trying to be the nagging voice to make sure Armisen didn't waste his money on college and that Poehler would actually learn.

  4. We then joined the passengers on Jet Blue Flight #292 where Amy Poehler played one of said passengers who was having a blast while watching her favorite shows on the headrest TV sets that Jet Blue was known for at the time. Her joy turned to fear when she changed over to watch Darrell Hammond as a news anchor who was reporting on a story about how Jet Blue Flight #292 was about to make an emergency crash landing. Meanwhile, Steve Carell, who played Amy's husband, remained blissfully unaware of the situation because he was too caught up on how many options he had for entertainment, even as his wife continued to freak the hell out.

  5. This was followed by a parody of Anderson Cooper 360 where Seth Meyers played Mr. Cooper in order to report from the floodwaters of New Orleans, where he interviewed the mayor about the cavalcade of inept celebrities who also flooded the area only to do more harm than good while trying to build homes for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

  6. The Couple That Should Be Divorced then returned for another installment where once again, Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers played a couple who were constantly at each other's throats only to sneak out of the room for some make-up sex at the height of their arguments. This time the same-old-same-old sketch took place on a double date with Steve Carell and Rachel Dratch while eating at a high-end restaurant.

  7. This was followed by a fake ad for Girls Gone Wild Katrina hosted by Jason Sudeikis as Doug Stanhope who had no shame in asking the women trudging through the floodwaters to show him their breast for the latest Girls Gone Wild video.

  8. We then went Backstage where Maya Rudolph was worried that she was getting late enough into her pregnancy that her baby bump was starting to show, limiting her abilities to play certain roles. Meanwhile, Lorne Michaels was also back there but Maya's pregnancy was the last thing on his mind since he was too worried that musical guest, Kanye West, would say something to start another SNL controversy since this episode was directly following the event where West proclaimed that George W. “didn't like black people.” The sketch then wrapped up with an awkward run-in between Kanye West and Mike Myers who share the stage with West when he made this controversial statement and shared how he got hit with a lot of shrapnel simply by sharing the stage during the Katrina fundraiser where it all went down.

  9. Kanye West then took to the stage to perform the songs Gold Digger and Touch The Sky back to back.

  10. Once again, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave us the news. This week, Horatio Sanz was filling for Tina who was out on pregnancy leave. Finesse Mitchell dropped by as the shows new Nightlife correspondent to comment on how he accidentally picked up on a dude while doing research for his report. Bill Hader and Andy Samberg also made their news debuts by having an “impersonation-off,” where Andy Samberg was declared the winner even though he wasn't doing true impressions and instead just claimed to be a famous person by name and then say “Wassuuuppp,” as if they were in the old Budweiser commercial.

  11. Variety Vault was another series to get a second installment where they share more unaired footage from a '60s variety show that was a blend of Hee-Haw and Laugh-In.

  12. TV Funhouse then gave us another installment of Fun With Real Audio where this time we saw an animation of the latest Supreme Court nominee in a variety of odd situations to the audio of a speech where he shared his views that contradicted the unethical events.

  13. Kanye West then returned to the stage with Adam Levine to perform Heard 'Em Say.

  14. Debbie Downer also turned to start off the season by bringing us all down while at another wedding reception only this time Debbie had competition with Steve Carell who played Bob The Bummer.

  15. Finally, Steve Carell closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

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