One Visit Away From The Coat!!!


This episode marks Tom Hanks' fourth appearance as host. This means that there is only one more visit from America's favorite man until he earns the very first Five-Timers Coat and key to the Five-Timers' Club. That's not to say that he's the first Five-Timer but he is the first guest to be officially inducted as a member. 

I know I'm jumping the gun with my excitement for our host's next episode but this being such a so-so season, I'm going to share my excitement here rather than repeat the same issues that I feel have been making these episodes feel safe to the point where a majority of the content is any better than average.

The main reason I am excited about the upcoming accomplishment of tonight's host is that it will mean I will no longer have to do the research on repeat guest to see whether or not they are in because from next season on this honor will be publically celebrated so I'll no longer have to worry about new member slipping by. 

As for the actual episode, this was one of those annoying show where no matter the source, the only copies I could find were abridged making it a very Frankensteined viewing where I had to search for and watch over half the show ala carte. This made watching this otherwise average episode turn out to be a drag.

Luckily, with such a popular host, it was pretty easy to track down most of the missing scenes but I wouldn't say that the payoff was worth it and wouldn't recommend you do the same unless you're a completist like me who has to see as much as you can.

With that said, it's now time to move on from my mixed bag of excitement and disappointment and start to share what I actually saw as I give you... 

The Wicker Breakdown:

  1. This week's show started at Trump Tower with coverage of Donald Trump's Prenuptial Agreements from when he was splitting up with Ivana. In the sketch, Ivana was trying to get more money out of Trump being that the divorced was based on him having an affair only The Donald is so prepared that any of her demands have already been thought up in their premarital paperwork that's about as thick as a dictionary. He does eventually offer her a chance to win more of his earning by play a game of three card monte but he's such a shark that there's no way she could possibly win. Of course, this being the opening sketch, Ivana's failure to win leads to Donald's announcement of, "Live from New York..."

  2. Tom Hanks then officially opened the show with a monolog about how he just hurt his knee backstage and despite him telling the audience and director that he is doing fine, his look of pain and inner voice reveal something is seriously wrong. After a few back and forths between telling the director that he's feeling fine and his inner voice contradicting his claim, Tom Hanks drops dead leading us to witness his out of body experience as medics rush his body off the stage. After a while, Lincoln drops in to inform our host that he's a "pussy" for dying from such a minor event.

  3. Red Square McDonald's was apparently a fake ad but I couldn't find it anywhere in the internet.

  4. Wayne's World then returned for another installment where this week, the two basement dwelling cable access hosts interview Tom Hanks/Garth's cousin who's a roadie for Aerosmith. The actual band was waiting upstairs being entertained by Wayne's mom before they came down as the second guest to perform the theme song to Wayne's World with Wayne on guitar and Garth in the back on drums.

  5. Tales Of Ribaldry was a PBS style sketch that started with Jon Lovitz in a fancy home library to introduce the classic tale we are about to watch. We then cut back and forth between Lovitz and the action he introduces as it plays out. The story of the sketch is a period piece where Tom Hanks plays the stable boy/boot shiner who is hit on by all of the girls. The story is pretty boring with most of the comedy coming from Jon Lovitz's crazy French character chiming in to provide commentary on what's being seen in the scene.

  6. Aerosmith then took to the stage to perform Janie's Got a Gun.

  7. Once again, Dennis Miller gave us the news. This week, Al Franken got another segment via satellite as his one-man mobile unit reporter characters for another update on the war on drugs. This time he is down on the wharf where he witnesses an incoming shipment of cocaine only to be caught and shot at until the signal went off the air.

  8. We then got a follow up on Mr. Short-Term Memory who drops by the hospital to visit an injured friend only he freaks out the entire time since he is unable to remember a single detail of the accident for more than a moment or two which creates an endless loop.

  9. Eye On Chest Hair was another sketch that I couldn't find anywhere on the internet.

  10. Jensen Syringe Company was a fake ad for a syringe company with a flair for the dramatic as this sketch has an intense build up with an anticlimactic call to buy their brand of needles.

  11. This was followed by a fake ad for The Mob where Nora Dunn shares her experience of turning to the mob to save her family business following the death of her husband who used to take care of the business side of the store.

  12. We then got a follow up fake ad for the Jensen Syringe Company which was pretty much the same idea as the first installment, only with different imagery.

  13. Aerosmith then returned to the stage to perform Monkey on My Back.

  14. Girl Watchers: A Go-G0 also returned for another segment where this time Tom Hanks and Jon Lovitz are playing their cat-calling loser characters only this time they're on a cruise where even the old women are turning them down.

  15. "Andy Rooney" then shared a Black History Moment in the style of his 60 Minutes segment where he rambles on about what he's observed over the years.

  16. This was followed by part three of the Jensen Syringe Company fake ad campaign but for some dumb reason, only two of the three spots are available on the internet with part three nowhere to be found.

  17. Finally, Tom Hanks closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.

The fact that I had to Frankenstein together this episode made it extra hard to find these three favorite moments because it put me in a bad mood but here's what I managed to come up with. First, I loved this week's installment of Wayne's World because it was extra fun that Aerosmith actually played along. Next, I really liked this week's Mr. Short-Term Memory because it's just a funny idea how someone could forget such simple things so easily. Finally, I was a fan of this week's Girl Watch: A Go-Go because even though I hate the catcall aspect the fact that they are shown as losers who give up immediately makes it tolerable and funny to me.


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