What do you call obtaining information via audiobook?

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I apparently really enjoy listening to people talk.

I think it started when I was a child, around seven or eight, the night I snuck our old school tape recorder into the hallway to record the audio of Eddie Murphy’s Delirious after my parents told me that it was too dirty for me to watch with them.

Days later I let a goonie goo goo slip.

Based on the television shows and movies I've seen, my parents should have blown up, taken the tape recorder, and grounded me.

I guess my parents figured the cat was out of the bag because from then on, no matter how dirty the comedian was, I was allowed to watch the show with them.

This eventually lead to me reciting Robin William’s joke where he laughs like Goofy and says, “It’s dad having an orgasm.” At that time I didn’t know what an orgasm was, but my grandparents sure did, and didn’t seem all that entertained.

Though that was my first experience with a joke bombing, there was no repercussion. I continued to listen to people talk without any censorship.

Years later The Howard Stern Radio Show syndicated to my home town. I discovered, I love talk radio. It was the perfect time to make this discover because Loveline had recently syndicated there as well.

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Between the two shows there were over seven hours of people talking to listen to. How can one man listen to all of this talking while working two jobs and going to school, you ask?

Just like porn can be credited with the growth of the internet, I had two VCRs, which allowed me to make my own Mr. Skin style compilations videos. I also figured out how to switch the audio inputs so that I could add music to my compilations. I used the same technique to hook my stereo up to the VCR allowing to record this much talking.

Now, I listen to more podcasts than music.

I listen to people talk while I write. I listen to people talk while I drive, and even as a screenwriter I'd rather watch a documentary with some guy explaining something interesting than watch a scripted film.


If you ever see me wearing ear buds, chances are I’m listening to someone talking.

No one will ever see my head bobbing to music, or catch a unintentional lip syncing incident. You can however catch me laughing like a mad man, or chiming in on a few broadcasted conversations.

I’m also a fan of audiobooks.

Everyone once in a while someone will bring up a book that they're reading, to which I may respond with something like, “Yeah, I listened to that book.”

This is normally followed by some lame joke.

Well, what the hell am I supposed to say?


What is it about antique shops that I expect to find something racist around any corner?

After attending a meeting in Centralia, WA, some friends and I decided to check out a couple of the, what seemed to be an infinite amount of, antiques stores that make up the main street.

Upon entering the first store I felts a burst of cold air against my neck as if I were about to see a...


...nother customer who must of entered without me noticing.

When I turned to find myself alone, I knew that tingling meant that I was about to see something racist.

I quickly turned to a friend and announced. "What is it about antique shops that I expect to find something racist around any corner?"

I looked to my right and immediate saw an Uncle Remus book proudly displayed on one of the antique chairs.  

I held off pointing it out because I though maybe I was reading too much into it, after planting the idea in my own head.

I saw several other items that walked to racial line...

But then I saw this...

Man, white people are messed up.

(Unfortunately my photojournalism genes didn't kick in until half way through this journey. Lesson learned.)

Cell phone signals don't come from space?

This hard thing to admit, but...


...I never turn off my electronics when I fly.

I may pause whatever I'm listening to and take my headphones off, but that's it. I don't even switch my phone to airplane mode.

From time to time I even try to text just to see if it works.


This last flight home I was playing with my phone and noticed that there was no signal, I jokingly thought, "Maybe we're going too fast to get a signal."

I looked to the sky and thought, "but for reals, we're closer to space, shouldn't the satellites, right..."

Then I realized.

I don't think I know how cellphones work?

You're trying to tell me that...

...I don't know everything, no wait, I've never been accused of knowing anything.

Follow me as I attempt to figure it all out.
I'll be:

  • Sharing bit of information that I should be embarrassed to admit that I just now figured out this late in life.
  • Sharing my theories that work in my head, but go against the laws of physics and nature.
  • Asking for answers to questions that I've always been wondering about, but don't trust the answers given by Jeeves. (They claim he retired but I call shenanigans.)