Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number two-hundred-thirty-three of Operation Achieve Anything. I always find it interesting how everyone loves to advise people to just be themselves to get people to like them only to go on and explain how you need to be positive and confident as well. What does this mean for neurotic people like me whose insecurities stem from their core to where “just being yourself,” can tend to push people away?
Sometimes I fear that I scare off potential readers when I go through an Eeyorish phase. Granted, I’m bipolar, so I’m not always blue, but the random swings are kind of an identifying feature of my personality that I don’t feel the need to hide. At least now, I used to try to hide it, but that only led the ups and downs to seem more extreme as I would shift from appearing like a happy idiot with an infectious giggle to a scared monster whenever my thoughts would get dark.
I don’t think that these shifts would have been so noticeable if they were intensified by me trying to hide the fact that I was so sad. At the same time, I also probably wouldn’t have made a single friend if it wasn’t for my extreme ups. It’s not that people wouldn’t like the me in the middle but that me in the middle is this shut-in writing these lines, who wouldn’t venture out to let others give him a chance.
This is part of the reason why my cliffhanger response to yesterday’s assignment was that I’ve never had anyone who played the role as the light in my life. Yes, there have been a few people who I’ve tried to force into the position of being my muse, but the commitment has never been mutual. I also feel that most people in my life wish me luck in my efforts, but I’ve never had anyone who I trusted would always be by my side.
In fact, I only know of one person who has read multiple pieces of my work, aside from a few friends in film who were just looking for projects to work on. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate any involvement that I’ve ever received, I’m just saying that I’ve never had anyone as that rock who I always knew would be there for me. This really sucks because I’ve always wanted either a mentor or a creative partner to pair up with and challenge each other to improve my quality of work.
The fact that I’ve never been able to pull this off leads me to believe that I’m not worth it and should give up and try to find a real job. To add to why I can feel like this is the case, I also always get turned down whenever I reach out to other writers to offer feedback or advice while attempting to treat others how I would like to be treated. This is why I feel like I have no choice but to figure it all out on my own. It’s also why I struggle to get rid of the Eeyorish voice.
So, the answer to yesterday’s tasked is, no, I don’t have someone who is the light in my life. As for today’s assignment, I’m now just supposed to be aware of my surrounding in order to avoid the tunnel vision that comes with being too focused on an individual goal. As you can probably see, this tunnel vision is a significant issue for me, especially at this point in my life.
I don’t really know how I’m going to fulfill this assignment because, once again, the actual task is very vague, but I’m sure that I’ll come up with something by the time I sit down to write tomorrow’s daily post. Until then, it’s now time for me to sign off by saying, good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.
Talk to you soon.
The Wicker Breaker
P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.