The Daily Breaker: Dateline 2-12-2019

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On the one hand, you have a wonderfully caring, magnetic personality that draw people in close. On the other hand, you come across as standoffish, even reclusive. While both personalities are, in fact, who you are, at any one moment which side you show to the world depends on who you are with and the circumstances you are in.
— Rosemary Breen
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Good Morning  Crickets!!! It’s time for another random post as I continue to plug away at stabilizing my personal life before returning to giving my all to this here blog. Yesterday, I was complaining about how I’ve lost a bit of my focus and how I struggling to feel creatively inspired since coming down from my New Year’s Astronaut Experiment that I’ve been trying to share. I’m now beginning to think that the right side of my brain is taking a bit of a nap since I’ve been pushing it so hard to create over the past twenty-something years.

This is becoming my theory since my inner voice of logic that is usually filtered through my right-side mind now seems to have way more control than it used to. I feel like my right-side mind is a mute that only knows how to communicate through creative metaphors that my left-side mind struggles to interpret to words. This is why I get so frustrated with myself for not being able to accurately translate my own thought. This is why I always joke that I am dumb because of the crossed communication that’s constantly going on within my own head.

Over the past couple of weeks, my inner voice has been becoming more and more singular, and that voice comes from the left. I think what confused me is that my right-side mind uses resources other than words to communicate I mistook its input as a distraction and not the primary source behind everything that I find to be any fun. My left-side mind was just responsible for sharing these right-brain insights with the world more like a marketer which is probably why I’ve always felt a disconnect between my inner and outer self.

Lately, I’ve noticed that as my right side mind grow silent, I can’t see as well out of my right eye. Not that I feel like I’m going blind, but I definitely feel that I’m growing to be a left-side mind dominate thinker. Or maybe I’m just finding balance since my right-brain doesn’t feel completely dead. This feels like a healthy change. Perhaps the meeting in the middle of brain hemisphere activity is what’s actually required to mature.

The timing of this is fascinating. Before opting to take a break from the blog to try out my New Year’s Astronaut Experiment, the plan was to start three new challenges this year. One would have taken over for Operation Achieve Anything, where I was/am eventually going to work through a book called 365 Journal Writing Ideas to get back to being creative since all of my past challenges have been grounded in non-fiction-based tasks.

Challenge two was/is eventually going to take place on a second website that I’m building to document my efforts to become my own boss. For this challenge, I’m going to work through a book called 365 Days Of Marketing since I’ve yet to actively market any of my efforts throughout my entire life. I was always just hoping to stumble into some sort of success. This passive approach led me to brace myself for a mediocre life because there’s no getting big without a business guided mind, which I never wished to have.

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This challenge was meant to exercise both hemispheres of my mind since I’ve been thinking for years that my centralist views have something to do with my Leap Year/Piscean mind seeing the duality in everything that makes up this universe. I just put more weight on the creative side to my thinking since I linked the logical side to business, and to me, personally, business-minded people never seemed genuine since they are able to change their worldview on a dime in order to earn a nickel.

These two challenges were/are going to be my effort to find a balance between the two sides of my mind to pull off the goals that I hope to accomplish. In order to gauge my progress in finding this balance, I’m going to start challenge number three right now. This challenge is called Operation Fish Merger. For this challenge, I’m using a book called Your Horoscope 2019. The book breaks down/predicts how the year will play out for us Pisces with summaries for each month. The plan is to start each month by checking how it played out versus how it was presented in the book.

In the future, I plan to do this on the first of each month, so sorry for the late start. With that, here is my first Operation Fish Merger entry. According to the book, this is a year of fresh starts since Uranus is on the move. There’s been a lot of upheaval in areas of my life that deal with prosperity due to the movement of Uranus (yes, it is hard not to write your anus, I’m still in the maturing process.) Anyways, the book says that I’ve learned to in a world dazzled by greed, I’ve come to understand how to use money and property to pursue my dreams, and not just to hoard resources.

Keep in mind I have yet to read anything from this book, and the above paragraph is still the introduction that gives a quick summary of the entire year and not a break down of January’s reading. Already, two paragraphs in, it’s pretty impressive, considering that I’ve been living off next to nothing for the past four years to train myself to live off very little for the next phase of my life. Since I plan to devote the rest of my life to my writing, I’ve been preparing myself to live a much simpler life in order to keep control of my time without being a slave to a paycheck.

Paragraph three of the intro predicts significant changes come March when the planning phase should be done, and I should start seeing the benefits of my efforts to find balance, where anything that is no longer right for me will be cast aside. For some reason, the book makes this sound like a time of chaos, but for me, both the book’s description and the evidence that I’m starting to see in my real life seems like more of a calming period to me.

Maybe this is because I’ve been actively working towards this for a while, unlike other Pisces where these changes might seem more like they’re coming from out of the blue. Who knows? I don’t fully believe in astrology, but I like what I’m seeing so far, so I’m fine with believing as a form of motivation, at least when the readings are good.

The book then claimed that I got a taste of what’s to come back in May. Good thing’s I’ve documented every day of my life going back over five years because after a quick search I learned that May was when I landed my last day job. For the first time, since moving home after my midlife meltdown, I had a gig that paid well enough that I had more money to play. This was also the time that I started to feel at peace, thinking my mental disorders may be due to the fact that I may be on the spectrum, highly function and not the bipolar mess who doesn’t do well with pills.

Whether or not this is true, between the job and the new outlook on my mental health, it opened up my world when it comes to my options. Granted, it took until about Thanksgiving, when my contract ran out for me to fully see the benefits but, I’d consider this a direct hit as far as the book’s suggestion that May was a good month for me. Direct hit number two quickly followed.

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Keep in mind, I’m writing these insights as soon as they come to me, setting down the book as I jot what I’m thinking down. The very next thing that I read after writing how I lost my job around Thanksgiving was how in November there was a bit of a hiccup. Though November was great for me because it’s when I feel like I found my true writer’s voice, I also lost my income, making my employment-based stress to return. The book then said that January and February would be good, and so far I’d agree once again, considering I genuinely believe that January was the best month that I’ve ever had in my life.

To make things even crazier, the book also says that if I wasn’t careful, I could go a bit overboard in January, which, considering I genuinely felt like an astronaut at one point, I would say this is another section that turned out to be spot on. The book then went on to summarize the rest of the year to come, but that has yet to happen, so I don’t have all that much to say. That is until the last paragraph said that my birth month, February, was going to be one where I’m supposed to settle and plan, without making any significant moves. Note that I’ve haven’t been all that active this month because this was already my plan.

One more time, I’m not a horoscope guy, and I’m reacting as I read, so this introduction was a bit nucking futs to see. The actual chapter on what to expect from January was pretty much already covered in the intro only it went more into details about what planet is heading where and what space entity is eclipsing the other to influence all of these magic.

In the process, the book also managed to nail two more accurate insights. One, being, right out the gate, there would be a change to where my outer self would more accurately reflect the real me. Thanks to may New Year’s Astronaut Experiment that actually started on New Year’s Eve, by the time New Year’s Day hit, I already felt like a brand new person. I finally broke free from the from being the grumpy Gus that I’ve been for four years as a shut-in. It also talked more about inner balance, which I feel relates to the balance I now feel between the two hemispheres of my brain.

I have no idea what all this means at this time, but I’m now super excited about this experiment, and can’t wait for March first to find out how accurate the book turns out to be about February. Remember, I will not read the February chapter until it is time to write about it. As the book’s introduction said, I’m supposed to do more planning and observing until the end of this month, so I may or may not post anything tomorrow. Either way, I will be posting again sometime really soon. Until then, it’s now that time for me to sign off as usual by saying, good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.

Talk to you soon.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker

 
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Matt Bunker

I started out with a goal of becoming a paid screenwriter. I had no interest in any other aspect of filmmaking. I received and scholarship to The Vancouver Film School's Writing for Film and Television program where I graduated in 2005. I fell in love with being on set during my first non-school produced short, . I loved being around all the creative people, seeing people having fun while working. The whole liking your job was a new world to me, so I decided to give it a shot. I volunteered for any project I could, doing what ever was needed. The set was my Film School this time. While working as a PA on a feature I was informed that the DP wanted the three tallest PAs to help out in the grip and electric department. That is when I found the department that felt like the best fit for me while I continued to write.

The Daily Breaker: Dateline 2-11-2019

The Daily Breaker: Dateline 2-11-2019

Good Afternoon Crickets!!! Sorry for my inconsistent start to the year. Though I haven’t been all that active with my posts, I’ve been busy as a bee behind the scenes as I’m starting to prepare to take this site to the next phase of its existence. To do so, I’m finally knuckling down to clean up all the pages written in the past when this site was still seen as just a hobby. I always hoped that I would be able to afford an editor by the time I got to this point with this blog. Now that I feel like I’ve found my true writing voice, I want to finalize my old efforts to get it all clean enough that I can move on without constantly looking back at all of my first drafts from the past.

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The Daily Breaker: Dateline 2-8-2019

The Daily Breaker: Dateline 2-8-2019

Good Morning Crickets!!! Alright, well yesterday was an interesting one. In fact, this entire week felt like a bit of a test with it being the first time since taking a month off from blogging that I attempted to go back to my old productive way of life and I’m not entirely sure if I’m ready. At least when it comes to the writing/sharing side of this blog. The last three posts I wrote were fun, but I’ve grown used to rambling to friends who I’ve reconnected with since escaping my shut-in ways, so, right now, writing feels a little empty without there being anyone to actively respond.

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The Daily Breaker: Dateline 2-6-2019

The Daily Breaker: Dateline 2-6-2019

Good morning Crickets!!! It’s day number three following my return to blogging after taking the month of January off. Though I still feel like I’m just warming up and not fully back in my groove, I also feel like I now have a much healthier relationship with painting with words. Not only do I feel more confident in the content I write for this blog, but now I’m much more comfortable when it comes to communication in general. I’m back to joking like the good old days. Yeah, I’ve toned down on my crass approach to humor, so it’s not that I’m back to being the me from my past, but it definitely seems like I’ve found a new comfort zone where I’m interacting with others and having fun.

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The Daily Breaker: Dateline 2-5-2019

The Daily Breaker: Dateline 2-5-2019

Good Morning Crickets!!! It feels good to be back at the old blog. That said, I’m still feeling a little rusty since, for the past week, the only writing that I’ve done has been via social media posts after actively avoiding writing any long format content, including long-winded emails to friends. It’s crazy how long one week can feel when taking a break from a routine that one’s been committed to for years. Aside from last week, I could tell you the last time I haven’t written at least five pages of some sort of content throughout a typical day.

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The Daily Breaker: Dateline 2-4-2019

The Daily Breaker: Dateline 2-4-2019

Good morning Crickets!!! Today is my first day back after taking a much needed month-long vacation from this blog. Up until New Year’s Eve, I had only collectively taken about a month and a half off from this site over the past five years. Keep in mind that I typically have a couple of daily challenges going on at once to where I put in a full-time job’s worth of work and have yet to earn a dime for my efforts. Well, I’ve earned seventy-five bucks through Google-Ads, but you need a hundred dollars to cash out.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Five, Dateline 12-31-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Five, Dateline 12-31-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Five, Dateline 12-31-2018

Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-sixty-five of Operation Achieve Anything. Holy crap, I can’t believe that today is my final day with this challenge, I’ve grown so used to making these daily post that it almost feels like I’ve been making them throughout my entire life and not just over 365 days. I also can’t believe how much the challenge has helped to improve both my writing and my outlook on life.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Four, Dateline 12-30-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Four, Dateline 12-30-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Four, Dateline 12-30-2018

Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-sixty-four of Operation Achieve Anything. One more day and it’s going to be time to introduce next year’s Operation Fish Merger which I’ll explain more on the day when I present the idea to the world so that it can ignore this effort as well!!! Well, the world may ignore it, but I’ll always have my crickets. Thanks to each and every one of you who have read any of these posts. I know it’s not as exciting as my SNL challenge, but personally, I feel The Daily Breaker is the more compelling aspect of this page.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Three, Dateline 12-29-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Three, Dateline 12-29-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Three, Dateline 12-29-2018

Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-sixty-three of Operation Achieve Anything. I can’t believe that there are only two days left to this year-long challenge, and I can’t wait for it to be over. Not that I’m not enjoying the process, because, even though I didn’t Achieve the anything that inspired me to purchase and try out the book, along with My Saturday Night Life, this was definitely the year that I’ve made the most positive progress during my time on Earth.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Two, Dateline 12-28-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Two, Dateline 12-28-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-Two, Dateline 12-28-2018

Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-sixty-two of Operation Achieve Anything. Last night I got to wondering if the reason that I have so much trouble letting go of the past is that with social media, it’s even easier for a sentimental type to go back and relive older days. When I first moved home after my midlife meltdown, I borderline stalked my old friends who I just convinced that I no longer cared about, in my effort to go out with a clean break. I got pretty hurtful in the end as I lashed out over the hatred I had for myself and with everyone settling in, I no longer felt like I had a cure.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-One, Dateline 12-27-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-One, Dateline 12-27-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty-One, Dateline 12-27-2018

Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-sixty-one of Operation Achieve Anything. Ever since Christmas Eve I’ve been going through my Facebook wall deleting old posts in an effort to make my profile more presentable. As I said in yesterday’s post, I’m now seeing that I use social media the way I tried to use open mic nights during the half year or so when I actively attempted to live out my dream to become a stand-up comedian. I did five or six performances and never once felt comfortable on the stage.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty, Dateline 12-26-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty, Dateline 12-26-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Sixty, Dateline 12-26-2018

Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-sixty of Operation Achieve Anything. Even though I wasn’t nearly as stressed as I’ve been over the past couple of years’ worth of Christmas events, I’m still happy that this year’s holiday season is over. I shared a few reasons why I felt this year was easier in yesterday’s Christmas post, but since then I’ve realized a couple more things.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Nine, Dateline 12-25-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Nine, Dateline 12-25-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Nine, Dateline 12-25-2018

Good evening crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-fifty-eight of Operation Achieve Anything. I hope you all had or are still having a good Christmas. I just got home from my oldest sisters after two days with my family, and I am desperate to get some sleep, so this is going to be a quick one. Despite my typical issues with depression during holiday times, I think this may have been the best Christmas with the family in quite a while, where it did actually feel like it was about spending time with the family and not living up to the expectations of the event.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Eight, Dateline 12-24-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Eight, Dateline 12-24-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Eight, Dateline 12-24-2018

Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-fifty-eight of Operation Achieve Anything. Happy Christmas Eve everyone, two more days until I can finally feel safe that all of the holiday stress is over. It’s not really my own personal stress that bugs me, it’s the feels of pressures from the others who want everything to be perfect that I feel that make me feel anxious. I have my own perfectionist issues to deal with, which is partially to blame for why I’ve locked myself away from the world, and need everyone else to be calm while I continue to try to figure things out.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Seven, Dateline 12-23-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Seven, Dateline 12-23-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Seven, Dateline 12-23-2018

Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-fifty-seven of Operation Achieve Anything. Things have been a little shaky but fun over the past couple of days as I start to worry that my latest bout of enthusiastic optimism is actually the start to another manic episode. Then there’s the other side of me that wonders if I’ve ever been manic at all. I’m starting to think that all of this time I’ve just unable to regulate my excitement and accurately explain my grandiose ideas. I get it since I can get extremely excited over the tiny pieces evidence of forward-movement that can lead to visions of a landslide of potential if only a couple of my efforts would stick that others just don’t seem to see, or at least not through the filters of hop that I use.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Six, Dateline 12-22-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Six, Dateline 12-22-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Six, Dateline 12-22-2018

Good evening crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-fifty-five of Operation Achieve Anything. It’s time for my second Daily Breaker post for today that will get me caught up from taking yesterday off. As soon as I finish this, I just need to watch and review an extra episode of SNL, and I will be completely caught up and breathe without any sense of anxiety from feeling like I’ve let down the challenge. Again, we’re talking one day off after three years without missing a single day. I hate how even though I’m fine with it logically, deep down inside, I will always see the challenge will be completed with an asterisk.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Five, Dateline 12-21-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Five, Dateline 12-21-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Five, Dateline 12-21-2018

Good afternoon crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-fifty-five of Operation Achieve Anything. It’s been an interesting past two days where yesterday I took my first legitimate day off from this site since I started it six years ago. Well, the first year was made up of a challenge weekly challenge, and I didn’t have The Daily Breaker segment going yet, the month or so that I took off when I first moved back home and was too depressed to function, and a little over a week at the start of 2016 when I was depressed once again and was contemplating giving up on writing altogether.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Four, Dateline 12-20-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Four, Dateline 12-20-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Four, Dateline 12-20-2018

Good afternoon crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-fifty-four of Operation Achieve Anything. Over the past couple of days, I’ve been focused on the fact that at some point over the weekend, it felt like a flip was switched, and I’m starting to feel like a, somewhat, content person for the first time in my entire life. Up until whatever this recent change started to set in, I was always more focused on the hopes of where my efforts would lead me, all the while, ignoring the accomplishments that I’ve made as a borderline illiterate who’s dedicated his life to teaching himself how to write.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Three, Dateline 12-19-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Three, Dateline 12-19-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Three, Dateline 12-19-2018

Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-fifty-three of Operation Achieve Anything. Yesterday I pointed out how I’m finally starting to feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing and not just practicing for the day when I’m ready to introduce my work to the world. All of the concerns over the typos from the past that make me look unprofessional went right out the window as started to see each flaw as a step to get to where I am like the scars that riddle my body.

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Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Two, Dateline 12-18-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Two, Dateline 12-18-2018

Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Fifty-Two, Dateline 12-18-2018

Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-fifty-two of Operation Achieve Anything. Yesterday was an amazing day because it may have been the first time I ever sat and wrote my daily post minus the guilt that I should be doing something better with my time. Granted, I used to barrel through this guilt on a daily basis, working away for no pay while avoiding my friends and family. It really sucks just how much on income is required to justify an existence. You’d fall out of your chair if you knew just how little money I’m talking about, but tomorrow marked the day that I felt confident enough in my future to comfortably consider this blog my full-time job and not just a hobby that I hope to flip some day.

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