Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number two-hundred-eighty-eight of Operation Achieve Anything. In yesterday’s post, I shared how proud I was of myself for finally getting caught up on my work both through my day job and through this blog. Right after saying that I was done for the day and ready to nap in order to readjust to a graveyard schedule, I receive an email from a secondary day job, that I thought I missed out on, telling me that I only had two days left to finish my task. This meant the day that was going to be my one break became another day devoted to work.
Though this made it so that I failed to fall back into a graveyard schedule, I’m going to be pleased as punch when next month’s paycheck arrives because this will be more than a five-dollar bonus that would cost me nine-dollars to receive. This month’s paycheck should be coming in any day which means I can barely sit still as I think about the tiny comforts that this check will afford me to add to my life.
I’m also excited that this paycheck will also afford me to start a couple of other projects that I meant to get started last month, but my work had so many system outages that I could only afford to pay what few bills I have left, but a trinket or two and just enough food to get me by. These monthly paydays are the closest thing I have towards happiness these days, which is an excellent transition into discussing yesterday’s happiness themed assignment where I was supposed to look for the happiness in my life.
First off, I’m lying when I say that my payday is the only thing that makes me happy, it’s just the one moment a month where any happiness that comes is blatantly obvious because it leads to an instant sense of relief from the drought of supplies that’s a fun part of a once a month income. I feel like I’m actually happy a lot, but they all feel like fleeting moments as my writer's head takes every instance to the end as I try to figure out how the story will end which is always with me all alone.
I really know that I should just enjoy each moment before that it gets to that point but, but between having a story makers mind and abandonment issues from my childhood, it’s hard to not sense loss even during introductions. This is the way that I was able to have so much fun with my friends throughout my younger life while still feeling detached and depressed. I was enjoying the moments, but the second they were done, I’d instantly see evidence that my insights about the future are usually right. Self-fulfilling or not, this will always hinder my ability to ever truly be happy.
Like right now, while I’m living back at home, my little nephew’s my best friend in the world, and I have a blast every time that we swim or just hang out to play games or watch some TV. While all this goes down, I’m already bummed because one of these days, either my sister or I will move and the friendship will go away. Yeah, he’ll still be my nephew, and I’ll see him at family events, but he’ll be deeper into school by then where he’ll prefer to hang out with his friends, and I’ll just be that cool uncle from his childhood. Though it will be great to have a nephew who views me as uncle that way, I feel like I’m already starting to brace myself for this change.
I think since I was so caught off guard by my parent's divorce that I continuously brace myself to avoid being destroyed by more heartbreak. This is probably why I may seem like it’s impossible to ever get too close to me since it’s true. Especially as I get older and older and keep seeing the same things play out causing me to dig into the practices of avoidance and isolation. I do feel that if I ever got to the point where I could support myself through my writing, I’d lighten up a lot about my view of the world since I’d feel much more free to be me instead of constantly struggling to feel like I actually have a reason for being here.
Alright, enough of my Eeyorish ramblings fulfillment of this depressing assessment, now it’s time to move on to the ramblings for today, where I’m now supposed to pretty much practice the idea of “go big or go home.” There isn’t really a task linked to this lesson, the book just wants me to try to get into this headspace whenever I start to feel any doubts about whether or not my goals may sound too ambitious. Of course, I’ll have more to say about this subject when I check in with tomorrow’s update, but until then, it’s now time for me to sign off by saying good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.
Talk to you soon.
The Wicker Breaker
P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.