Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number one-hundred-thirty-two of Operation Achieve Anything. Between the fact that this is my first weekend since starting my new job and the celebration my first work Friday in a while, I now feel completely burnt out. Again, I’ve been working this entire time making enough to barely scrape by through various online one-off gigs, this is just the first time that I’ve had a job with any consistency for a little over a year.
Going back to my last, semi-permanent job, I was working so few hours that I had no extra money for fun but that won’t be the deal with this new one. I’m so excited about the extra money that I’ll have to spend that I find myself having a mini-manic episode as I think about my future. Then again, I might just be feeling the optimism that I’ve lost over the past several years but either way, it has me feeling a little scared.
The thing is, when I get in these moods, I want to reach out but I’m so out of practice that any attempt to communicate outside of this journaling format feels like a complete disaster, when all I really want to do is play. The combination of my desire to have fun and the Achieve Anything… book’s recent themed section that focused on friendship triggered me to have a pretty weird dream of a bit of a friend reunion.
It was weird because this reunion was made up of random friends from different groups and various times of my life who all got along like they were all friends forever yet I still seemed like an outsider. For example, a high school friend showed up with a Seattle friend whose paths would just never meet yet they seemed like best friends who would look at me sideways whenever I tried to sleep.
By the end of the dream, everyone left without saying bye, leaving me feeling completely abandoned as I fell to the ground and started to shake. Even in the dream, I wasn’t sure if I collapsed due to emotional exhaustion or if I had a heart attack. I think I also left a stray dog confused as a Golden Retriever stood over my body and barked in order to draw some attention yet no one in the entire mall parking lot would look.
I think this highlights the deep fears that I’ve developed of growing any form of attachment which is why every time that I get drunk and joke around on the internet, I wake feeling like a jerk. I think I’m afraid of getting the attention that I was seeking when I was in a drunken state which now seems to be ramping back up to once a week, up from every other week like it’s been for the longest time. Either way, it’s not that I feel my drinking is out of control but the booze does seem to now be bringing back my playful personality instead of just a tool for sedation.
This actually plays into today's assignment since the Achieve Anything… book is now focused all balancing work a play which is probably what triggered this dream. As for the actual task at hand, I was supposed to look back at my week and determine if I do have a proper amount of balance. Aside from the fact that I’m a shut-in with no friends, I feel like I now have the perfect blend of work and play in my schedule, especially with this new job.
Before this job, I feel like there was too much weight on play where I mainly focus on this blog (which I see as a hybrid between work and play), work when I could, and fully play whenever I can fit it in which is nice on paper but not all that fun considering my tiny income. Now, I wake up, get all of my blog obligations out of the way and then take a break to swim with my little nephew. Once swimming is over it’s time for work which I then do until it’s time for prime time TV. I then end my day by smoking my insomnia healing hits of legal marijuana while watching funny YouTube videos while I wait for the sleep to set in.
As far as my new schedule goes, I might be more content than I ever have been in my life. Today’s assignment is still focused on being playful but this time it’s focused on interacting with individuals and not just how I spend my time. I’m not sure how I plan to complete this task, again, because of my shut-in tendency but tune in tomorrow for my next update if you’re interested in seeing how I figure it out.
Until then, it’s time for me to wrap this up so that I can enjoy my Saturday. With that, it’s now time for me to sign off as usual by saying, good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.
Talk to you soon.
The Wicker Breaker
P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.