Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number one-hundred-thirty-five of Operation Achieve Anything. I think I’ve finally figured out my new schedule, now it’s just a matter of getting used to it. It’s actually not all that different, I just now do my day job as soon as I’m done with my blogging obligations instead of working on building a backlog of SNL reviews or working on other projects.
This actually leads to yesterday’s assignment where I was simply supposed to play without letting my guilt get to me. As I said in past posts over the last couple days, with the Achieve Anything… book’s theme being finding a work/play life balance, I’ve never had a problem working in the play part but I have dealt with a lot of guilt for work being such a low priority to me as long as I make enough to live.
Keep in mind, when I say work, I mean paid work for a company or boss since, by play, I mean working on my personal projects but in the past, I also fit in a lot of play with friends. Since, other than the friends that I made while working in film and television, every other friend had dreams of achieving a normal nine to five life, I always felt like I’ve had to justify my desire to explore a different life path because most choices that I’ve made left me with more time to spend but little money.
I always felt judged when I was the only one in the group who never had any money and that people didn’t respect what I did with my time because I don’t think anyone really understands just how much effort I put into my projects and that I’m not just sitting around watching TV but no one could tell the difference based on my starving wallet. Though other’s opinions have never stopped me from chasing my dreams they probably do play into my isolating tendencies since I’d rather just not be bothered or feel the inner need to have to explain myself.
I’ve been feeling really guilty over the past year/year and a half, since I last had a stable job because, even though I was continually working, the gigs were sporadic and completely undependable. This made me frustrated whenever anyone asked what I am up to. For one, it always bummed me out that close friends would have to ask considering I’ve been posting on here every day for close to five years. That’s not to say I expect anyone to read everything, but I’d expect for at least someone to be aware of a project I’m working on. Maybe ask, how’s the __________ project going? Are you still working on _______?
If that wasn’t bad enough, the follow-up question always made me more annoy. “No, what are you doing for money?” This outlook has always annoyed me because even if my gig based income was easy to explain, the last thing I have ever wanted to talk about is my job. The fact that jobs seem to be the most important thing to everyone else's world, makes me feel guilty for focusing on my own thing, whether or not I ever succeed so then I feel extra guilty about outright playing without even working on a personal project.
Hopefully, having this steady job will free up some of this guilt and allow me to take more time to do absolutely nothing at all since I now have an easy answer to any income question. As I pointed out in the past, most of this guilt comes from within especially now that I feel like everyone has given up on me. Again, I’m fully aware that I’ve pushed people away just as much, if not more than I’ve actually been abandoned, but I’m still on my own thinking about what others must think of me.
Moving on to today’s assignment, this one is going to be a fun one because I get to draw again. The Achieve Anything… book’s theme is still setting aside time to play, so the task at hand is to draw one picture of how I feel inside while at play and one while at work to then compare the differences. I love this type of assignment because it forces me to set aside time to draw which is something I find fun even though I’m not all that good at it. Plus it will force me to set aside time to play for a bit today.
As always, you’ll have to wait for tomorrow’s update in order to see what I manage to come up with. Until then, it’s now time for me to wrap this post up by saying, good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.
Talk to you soon.
The Wicker Breaker
P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.