Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number two-hundred-seventy-three of Operation Achieve Anything. Sorry, this is going to be a quick one since all that I did yesterday was work on my day job to make up for all the hours that the system has been down throughout the week. I was so disinterested in working that I managed to get myself into a state where I was running on autopilot so deeply that I can barely remember the day as it passed. Hell, even the entertainment option that I opted to turn to as my background distraction was something that I’ve seen/heard so many times in the past that the content just washed through me with nothing seeming to stick.

I kind of got trapped in my head with the concerns that this gig is about to dry up before I’ve gotten to a place where I can even scrape by without the income. I’m really hoping that this task will last at least another six months to match the year that I spent on the last gig that this company hired me for. This would give me enough time and income to build and promote the sites that I plan to that I’m hoping will bring in at least five dollars a day which would be enough to cover my food expenses while I continue to build an audience.

Five dollars a day isn’t all that much to ask for considering it’s even less than a dollar an hour for my efforts. If I can then turn five dollars a day into twenty, I’d be able to live comfortably considering my situation as I continue to build toward my dream of making fifty dollars a day off of my content alone, which is still wholly reasonable considering how much I plan to work. If I were to bring in this amount of income on the regular, I could finally start to really look at venturing back out to live on my own.

It wouldn’t be much, but the next time I move, I’ll be heading to someplace small and affordable because I’m done with living in big cities. I have no idea where I plan to go, but I also think that I want to avoid the coast. Ultimately, I still dream of eventually being one of those reclusive writers living in a cabin in the middle of nowhere to ride out the rest of my days transcribing my ideas into content, but that plan is still several steps away. Then again, this type of abode, maybe the most affordable route to go, as long as my income gets to the point where it’s consistent.

I think my chaotic childhood led me to desire the life of a hermit to escape all the drama and noise that get created from the others. I spent most of my youth on my own which in turn made me extremely comfortable with the idea of isolation as I have more fond memories of the imaginary worlds that I built in my room than I do with the reality of my childhood. I tried my hardest to be a people person once I was shoved out of the house to face the world as an adult the moment that I turned eighteen and had a pretty successful run until I aged passed the point of where being a party animal with a dream was no longer acceptable to my peers, and near-peers started who started to settle into normalcy.

I understand that this is the trade-off for the life that I’ve opted to live which is why I’m not really feeling the Achieve Anything… book’s latest theme about revisiting who wronged me and who I need to forgive. I get the point of this lesson, but I’m not interested in this AA approach of resolving these old issues. Yes it’s sad that things turned out the way that they did but I’m as responsible, if not more for how I got to this place and just don’t feel that I have the power to change anything. Besides, I’ve learned through many friendship break-ups that most attempts to reunite end with constant effort to find signs of relapsed behaviors to where the relationship ends up feeling forced and temporary.

I’ve experienced this with both friends and family enough to the point where I’ve completely given up, at least until maybe someday when I’m the one in the position of power where others might have more incentive to come to me. Then again, my biggest fear is that I will never be truly accepted unless I finally live up to my dreams. Though I feel that people are impressed that I’ve stuck to my guns for as long as I have, I’ve never felt more than passive support for my efforts to where I feel it would take becoming a success to strangers for anyone close to really see the talent that I have within me. Take this site, for example, I’ve been at this for over five years, and I know for a fact that some of my closest friends have yet to read a single page.

Yes, my unwillingness to play along does come from a bitter place, but I’m just being honest in sharing where I’m coming from and why I might have the same response to tomorrow’s task where I’m now supposed to do even more forgiving. As much as I might sound that I’m against the idea and am holding on to hate, yes, there is bitterness over how things went down, but I also understand why it happened and have forgiven everyone in my heart, I just don’t need to revisit the misery by reliving it all through this amends making process.

I’m not sure how I’m going to handle this one so we’ll just have to wait for tomorrow’s post. Until then, it’s now time for me to sign off as usual by saying, good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.

Talk to you soon.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker

P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.