The Daily Breaker: Dateline 3-4-2019

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Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen.
— George Saunders

Good morning Crickets. As I said in my last post, last week I started to explore the interactive side of Twitter after making a Follow Friday list for one of my dumb jokes. I’ve never had that much social media attention in all of my life, so I ran with it, jumping into the comment section of everyone because the comment section seemed to be where the most fun was. At least at the time being an idiot to Twitter etiquette stuck in the mindset from when I was pretending to be an astronaut and just entertaining myself.

As an astronaut, I would leave surreal images in the comment sections of those who seemed to be needing encouragements, or just asking the sky to complete their jokes. I’d get a few likes but no reaction. The boost of attention did feel like a drug and got me running around like a clown. Fully aware that everyone was watching but utterly ignorant as to the hows. I figured as long as I remain innocent of anything terrible it wouldn’t matter.

The more and more I started to play, the more and more I began to feel anxiety from my interpretations of the sub-Tweeting that I thought was about me. Once I realized I was right at least a couple of times, I started to think of all the red flags I must have been throwing around, going back to my astronaut days. I know, explaining a Twitter experience is like explaining a dream where nobody cares since the listener has no idea what the interpretations really mean.

I just wish that it didn’t all feel like I was being trapped, because sometimes I feel like my idiot’s approach to figuring things out where I get obsessive over what confuses me, which is a reason I think that I might be high functioning autistic. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s a joke. It didn’t help that I spent all last week smoking instead of just using weed for sleep. When my sleep schedule gets fucked, I get extra goofy, especially when I have an outlet to play.

I found this new interactive Twitter game interesting because it allowed me to talk with women without having to think of the concept of any form of a league, thinking that everyone is just throwing Tweets around for a quick interaction as well. I was finding it to be a pleasant way to, kind of, study women in a new way so that I can writer stronger female characters when I adapting my screenplays to novels. Since most of my experience with romance is pretty much fictional from writing my scripts and a few awkward attempts at dating, I think this is why I have good intentions for my female characters, but my writing of them is still a bit weak because I spend too much time pining while writing and not enough time interacting.

After the astronaut thing opened my eyes to the fact that I might be autistic. I realized it was a communication thing which makes me feel socially awkward. I thought I had more confidence when I started to flirt throughout the comment section but quickly saw that even digitally, I’m socially awkward in the same way. When I catch someone’s ear who seems like what they are hearing, I will talk their ear off about it, and then shut-up when I think they find me to be annoying. I can see I was, especially now that I realize how some of my own sub-Tweets might be read.

I’m going to go easy on social media for a while until I can work on my mental health enough to play in this stadium. There are some brilliant minds out there who I’m not trying to challenge for any reason other than I don’t know how to play chess, but this does seem like a game that I could play, as long as it’s nothing political. I just miss having fun.

Alright, that’s all that I’m going to say on the subject of Twitter on this site. This is still going to be a site for my challenges, as soon as I see the shrink to get the certification I need to qualify for extra help finding a new job, to wrap up this midlife crisis and get back to my fictional work again. Twitter has just been a fascinating blend of both worlds, so I’m addicted, but that’s not good right now, other than it’s drumming up the issues I need to work on.

Stay tuned for later this week where I will continue Operation Fish Merger where I’m trying to find a balance of thought by seeing if all this confusion might be from having a Piscean head, with the whole Leap Year thing only adding to the confusion. I’m sure I’ll end up looking like an idiot for sharing this but, oh well. That’s not a challenge by the way.

If nothing else, I now have a better idea of who I want my audience to be, now I just need to figure out how to write content they’d tune in for. I don’t know if this was the intent, but, thanks internet. I’m not running off, but will just be hanging out during breaks more from here on out. Talk to you soon. Until then, good day and good luck with all of your projects.

Talk to you soon.


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