Dateline 6-10-2016

Today was doctor day and you know what that means...

A day of disappointments and depression!!!

After instantly qualifying for Medi-Cal, it took many months to finally receive my medical cards in order to actually see a doctor. I was fine with the wait because this is sort of a free service to me. Though I don't receive the bill I do pay my share of the taxes that help pay for the "freeloading social services" that everyone bitches about. 

I started my day early because I was bus bound for about an hour to get to the office where the appointment was to take place. The way there was pretty fun because I had the bus to myself for most of the ride which got me thinking some entertaining thoughts.

The first thought was how on any other day the driver would have been alone for the bulk of the ride but unlike a taxi driver that can roam around to find passengers, this guy had to stick to the route whether the bus was empty or full. This got me daydreaming about being a bus driver and how much I would hate me if I was the only one keeping me from having a bus to myself to drive in peace. 

I also saw an old Asian man reading a free paper with Spanish content. Sure he could speak Spanish but it got me thinking about if I were in a foreign land, would the language of the content I can't read really matter to me.

Then I got to my final stop and found my doctor's office. Even though it was a bit of a trek, it was easy to get there, just one bus and one block of walking, which is pretty much the best one can ask for.

I filled out my forms and met my first disappointment. They weighed me in and I'm heavier than I was expecting even after taking off a few pounds over the past couple weeks. This was my own doing though so this disappointment had nothing to do with the doctor. 

My disappointment with the doctor stems from the fact that general practitioners don't do all that well when it comes to mental health, which was my main reason for the visit. Granted, my expectation was to get a referral for a specialist but these family doctors make the worst middlemen.

I don't really know how doctors act when you show up for an illness or ailment that they can handle because I've never been to a doctor to get anything fixed. I've only gone for mental health issues and have never felt all that comforted.

First off, general practitioners seem to stick to a checklist and only care about yes or no answers. Every attempt I've ever made to elaborate on an answer has always been met with an empty stare. For example, the doctor asked about my sleep and I told him right now I'm sleeping fine but I have a history of insomnia, I started to explain that I was bipolar and do experience moments where I don't sleep at all. He said nothing to that and just turned away from me to grab a generic checklist about depression for me to fill out and then left the room.

He returned with a list of specialist for me to choose from as his referral, which I was expecting and fine with. My problem was the lack of a sense of empathy you would expect a professional would provide to a patient with emotional issues. This is the same way I've felt after every initial visit to a non-mental health specialist. Hell, half the mental health specialist that I've dealt with have the same lack of empathy but at least they appear to listen to my ramblings.

I also found it odd that this Doctor took every opportunity he could to make fun of me. When I said I had anxiety he joked about how I fear the sky is falling, then proceeded to make fun of my weight, laughing when he saw my Body Mass Index number and seeming surprised when I knew what BMI stood for. It didn't stop there and I wasn't really offended as I found him to be a little entertaining. He was an old Asian man that could barely speak English and had a way about him that made me not take these comments personal, but I still found it to be odd.

Oh yeah, he also asked me who I voted for which I think made me feel less comfortable than all the joking as I'm trying to go old school and keep my voting record to myself as I am extremely annoyed by how vocal everyone is about other's personal political choice. 

Now I am in the system and after two years of avoiding the doctor, I already have three follow up appointments to attend. 

I guess this is what I asked for after all. 

Oh well, it's all a part of getting help. 

As always, I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Talk to you tomorrow,

- The Wicker Breaker