Dateline 8-3-2017

Right now I am in the worst possible head space for me when it comes to writing. The sad thing is, this is probably the healthy head space for me to be in but at that same time, I hate it. First off, my head feels clear as all the things that I've been stressing over for the past couple days are over and done with so I don't have scenarios running through my head about the potential emotional stress that I knew would come with being around a lot of people.

Though I still have a couple more stressful days ahead of me it's no longer the building pressure of anticipation that I felt leading up to my family visit. Again, it's not that I hate my family, it's just that I'm no longer the fun loving goofball when it comes to large groups so I fear that I will let everyone down when I don't live up to their expectations.

Not only do I feel performance anxiety but I've been out of the family loop so long that when you mix the distance I feel with the new low-key me, I feel like a stranger myself talking to a room of familiar faces with no idea who that actually are as they talk to the me from the past who unbeknownst to them, is not actually in the room.

With everyone now gone, I'm now going through my introvert's decompression stage where the silence of solitude has me feeling peacefully empty as I recharge to get back to my shut-in's life where my needs are met through my written words even if they're not meant for the rest of the world.

The only thing that sucks is that this transitional stage leaves me feeling like doing absolutely nothing as I process my thoughts while I recharge. Luckily I've been here before because as apathetic as I feel right now, I know that once I finally get through this, I'll be super motivated to write and the timing could be better because I just started the second draft of my novel and this might give me an extra push so, in the long run, this isn't that bad.

Actually, this wasn't even all that bad in the short run, it's just now the way I deal with stress since social anxiety has hijacked my life making it hard to be around anyone at all unless I'm in a situation where I deal with people on a regular basis, like the family members who live at my home, who still stress me out but for completely different reasons.

Alright, I'm rambling now so it's time to say goodbye.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker