Good Evening Crickets…

Here we are at the end of the second week of this New Year… even though I’m excited about a lot of the progress I’ve been making since finding a lot of my mental anguish stems from a physical condition with my inner ear and not a chemical imbalance in my brain… it’s nice to feel the relief since the sinus surgery that now allows that whole system to properly drain… but I’m starting to get mad about the fact that I’ve been complaining about my ears for decades…

Two years ago… when I had a burnout breakdown that sent led to my two-year hiatus from this page… I was convinced that the ear issue was a sign that I’m on the spectrum… since I have a lot of sensory issues… where certain sounds and textures can really affect my mood… when I told this to my doctor… they just sent me to see a shrink… and when I explained my ear situation to the shrink… he just told me to work on my diet and sleep and put me on a bunch of pills…

Pills that really messed me up to the point where I had to quit treatment because the doctor was annoyed that I stopped taking the pills cold turkey after feeling like they were killing me… now I’m left wondering how much damage has been done by all of the mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics that have been thrown at me along with the bo-polar label… which brings me to another complaint…

Though I fully admit that I have mental issues and could use some help in that area… I’ve always been confused by the fact that… whenever I would suggest a condition that I meet all the symptoms to… I always get cut off and asked how important is a label versus how much I want to feel better… it never fails that.. minutes after they tell me how labels aren’t important… I get labeled as being bipolar… after talking about the ups and downs that I experience at home where I’m happy… versus at work where I feel down…

Meanwhile… I feel down at work because I just don’t relate to the normals who are content living a 9 to 5 existence… then… I was happy at home because that’s where I spend time with my friends and or projects… to me… my mood swings always seemed conditional enough not to be chemical… but instead are suppressed emotions escaping after I let them build up too much until I can’t do anything else but vent…

I wish these people who see me for an hour once every four months would bear more weight on my personal experience over having to witness it for themselves… or at least find a way to track my mood while away… and not by just what’s said in an office visit where I switch to “dealing with the normals mode” and hold back on my more excentric beliefs and results from my self-experimentation…

Oh well… hopefully now that I can think more clearly… minus the constant buzzing in my head… that up until my sinus surgery… was part of a mental condition… now that I’m seeing more physical symptoms… and have regained some of my confidence… no longer fearing that I’m losing my mind… I will be more assertive and no longer back down when my input gets dismissed…

Alright… that’s all that I’ve got for this evening… I look forward to rambling to you again when I check in with tomorrow’s post…

Sincerely…

The Wicker Breaker