The Wicker Breakdown:
This week's show started with a parody of an NBC Special Report with Chris Parnell as Tom Brokaw that had Darrell Hammond as Dick Cheney check in via satellite as he rode on the back of a missile that was headed toward Iraq, ala Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb. Of course, with this being the opening sketch it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York…”
Matt Damon then officially opened the show with a monolog about how he was supposed to host last season and really wanted to perform in a sketch about a huge summer news story that time, like the Martha Stewart scandal that landed her in prison, or some other story with a little meat, only to end up reenacting Justin Timberlake’s angry dance-off with recent ex-girlfriend Britney Spears which was providing filler news at the time.
This was followed by a fake promo for The NRA where the AFLAC duck was shot by a couple of gun-toting members of the NRA after hinting that it was an AFLAC ad causing the NRA angle to be a Shyamalanian Twist.
Tracy Morgan then brought us another Brian Fellow's Safari Planet segment where this time he reprimanded Horatio Sanz for his filthy sex talk after he tried to explain the mating habits of a porcupine. Matt Damon then played guest number two with his pot belly pig only Fellows was too preoccupied with thoughts of Horatio’s porcupine talking dirty to be able to focus on Damon’s words.
We then got a second installment of the fake promo for The NRA where this time Seth Meyers as Carrot Top was also shot by the same two gun-toting members of the NRA after setting it up to be a fake ad for AT&T’s collect call services that Carrot Top was promoting around this time.
Jimmy Fallon and Rachel Dratch’s always recorded Boston Teen Couple then went to a Springsteen Concert where they were up to their usual antics with Matt Damon throughout The Boss’s show. Mainly, this sketch was made up of Jimmy, Damon, and Dratch discussing how they snuck in their booze.
This was followed by a fake ad for Nutri-Quick which was an anal-suppository diet plan for meals when you a literally on-the-go.
Hannibal Goes To College had Matt Damon as Hannibal Lecter for a fake prequel trailer to both Silence Of The Lambs and Red Dragon that showed what happened when our anti-hero attended Michigan State University and was treated like a pathetic nerd.
Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band then took to the stage to perform Lonesome Day.
Once again, Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey gave us the news. This week, Seth Meyers and Matt Damon dropped in to share their advice to Yankees fans about how to cope with losing the World Series from that year, considering that Boston fans had a lot of experience with losing, especially around this time period. Fred Armisen then made his news debut as a Spanish comedian named Fericito who attempted to teach Jimmy Fallon how to tell a joke which mainly consisted of finishing every line with a rim shot along with the catchphrase, “Ay dios mio.”
Dr. Matt Damon had Chris Parnell as a doctor named Matt Damon who really hated being overshadowed by our famous host since they share the exact same name. We also met several other doctors who shared their names with famous celebrities, like Tracy Morgan as Dr. Ben Affleck, and Dean Edwards as Dr. J.
Versace Pockets had Maya Rudolph as Donatella Versace in order to introduce her new line of very expensive microwaveable Hot Pocket-style food.
TV Funhouse then gave us a new segment called The Smurfette Show that mashed-up the antics from Anna Nicole Smith’s reality show with the character from The Smurfs.
Bruce Springsteen then ditched The E Street Band and returned to the stage to perform You're Missing.
Sex Robot had Matt Damon as a lazy scientist who was working a Sex Robot Project as an effort to fight the war on terror due to the whole 72 virgins being the terrorist heavenly reward. Only it turned out that Damon miss used the projects sixteen million dollar funding and dressed humans as robots instead, only the financiers still wanted to test the product.
The Dr. Phil Show had Jeff Richards as Dr. Phil who kept confusing his guests with his crazy Texan expressions.
This was followed by a fake ad for The War On Iraq which was NBC effort to make a new hilarious sit-com based on the real-time political events that were making news at the time.
Finally, Matt Damon closed the show by thanking the audience and saying his goodnights.