Date: 2/21/2015

Imagination Gone Wild

First, I should say that the ratings veer toward the low side only because the categories provided aren't in the area of your strengths. If there were categories for Imagery, Absurdist Humor, Colorful Scenarios, etc. this screenplay would shine.

This is the most colorful, ridiculous, vivid contraption I've encountered in screenplay form. Perhaps because it's not meant exactly to be a screenplay in the strictest sense. It feels like it was a fun, cathartic exploration for the writer in a Burroughs/Kaufman/Crumb/Obayashi on Benzedrine mashup kinda way.

Which can be a fun ride for a reader. And there's a barrage of great visuals from the light bulb to the critters helping the roadkill across the street to the self-conscious camera moves. Any five minutes of this would make a great music video or trippy companion to Heavy Metal.

I'm sure you're getting this a lot, but as it reads now, the story seems more positioned to be a graphic novel or sci-fi novel.

As far as a feature narrative, there's nothing for me as a reader to latch onto and the visuals, no matter how fantastic, start to feel monotonous and even frustrating. If you're interested in strengthening the reader's investment, I'd suggest keeping a main character (such as Marty) involved and pursuing a visible goal throughout. The visuals and wacky, colorful world will still pay off, but now you'll have an audience who's sticking around to see what happens.

Regardless of the medium you choose, you clearly have a vivid imagination that deserves an outlet.