Date: 4/1/2013

I was 21 the first time I smoked weed. I was hanging out with a friend who used to pester me to try. Neither my manhood nor sexuality was challenged; this pestering was out of a sincere belief that I would enjoy it.

One night after months of doing this, a group of us sat down to watch a movie, and out came the pipe. It started to get passed around. My friend reached across me to hand the pipe to the next person without even attempting to offer it to me.

I don’t know what happened I’d never been torn as to whether or not I wanted to try this and was perfectly content with being a rowdy drunk. I don’t remember anything magical happening from this event other than getting a laugh when it was pointed out that I finally accepted the first time I wasn’t offered.

I kept at it for a few months and enjoyed it from time to time, but I don’t think I had the right relationship with my brain for this partnering to work out. I wanted to drink, tell jokes, and perform Jackass style stunts, and this drug was making me more introverted. The whole reason I drank was to escape the introverted feelings I had. So I stopped.

Thirteen years later, other than a hand full of why not moments, I had given up the drug altogether. This is when I started to get back pain that got worse and worse by the day. Physical therapy didn’t seem to work. Chiropractors seemed to help but only for a couple of days and then the pain would return. Massages seem to do the best but even at the time I felt it was due to the overall relaxing effects, it is a massage after all. It started to seem hopeless and I was starting to fear that I would struggle with this pain for the rest of my life.

One night, while at an after-party for a friend’s wedding I was offered a joint along with the question, “Have you tried medical?” I laughed having not thought of weed for over a decade. “Why not,” I said as I took a hit, desperate to ease the pain.

My relationship with my brain must have grown because I had a blast. We joked around, had fun, and I sat back to watch as a dance party broke out where everyone was clapping to the beat of the music. It was the most fascinating thing I’d ever seen in my life. I couldn’t even tell you whether or not I was in pain.

I woke up on the couch and walked to my car. For weeks I’d been walking hunched over to ease some of the pain. Even after sleeping on a couch, I found myself walking with a straight posture and just a hint of a limp from the now hint of pain.

Though my first experience was unimpressive, this experience was fucking magical.