Hey Crickets, it’s me again. Time for update number fifty-four of Operation Achieve Anything. If you’ve been playing along at home then you might know that I caught, what I think was, the flu a couple of weeks ago. If it wasn’t the flu it was a pretty bad cold that legitimately knocked me out of commission for a little over a week. I feel perfectly fine now, as I have for the past week but I’ve really been struggling to get back in my groove when it comes to the rewriting of my next novel.

I am sort of proud of myself in that I’ve used to extra time to focus on my efforts to learn how to play bass, but at the same time, these bass lessons will lead to a hobby at best, while I really need to focus on turning my writing into a career. Then again, I’ve yet to miss a deadline for either these daily posts or my SNL reviews, so my writing isn’t all that neglected.

I just figure that there is more potential to earn a living with any success from my long format fiction efforts since they seem to garner more respect which may lead people to check out this blog creating the synergy that I’ve always dreamed of creating by being prolific with my work. I know the old saying is quality over quantity but my game plan has always been to work on my quality by producing a high quantity of work to then go back and fix once I have it all figured out.

At this point, I feel torn as to whether or not my skills are at a quality level where it would be worth my time and effort to really dig in and get back to work. This hesitation to buckle in and go plays perfectly into yesterday’s assignment where again the lesson was “less talk, more rock” only their wording was closer to “less preparation, more living.

For the assignment, I was supposed to take a page from my notebook and split it in order to list five things that I’m preparing for on one side and a plan of action on how to get it past the preparation stage on the opposite side of the line. Since I’m sharing this as a digital list with no page or no lines, I will use bullet points instead of the split page effect.

1. I really need to start the rewriting process of the novel I was working on before I got sick so that I can have a second book to share alongside Chuck Norris Would Never Write This Book, A Diary of Undiagnosed Disorders: Part One to at least provide evidence that I am serious about my efforts to create an epic opus.
   • I’m hung up in the world of preparation because I still fear that I’m just not good enough to express myself the way I see the stories in my head. This makes me get torn between just going for it in order to have a cleaner draft to work on again later when I actually am good enough or continue to build a stockpile of new work as I continue how to figure things out.
   • Though this approach might have worked when I was younger and teaching myself how to write, I now need to focus on the rewriting aspect of my craft to no longer be just a first draft writer who doesn’t know how to go back and fix his writing mistakes or implement changes to get to a legitimately finished draft of anything.
   • I need to just knuckle down and do this one. I was enthusiastic before I got sick and now I just need to work on my overall motivation. Which I’m giving myself until my birthday to figure out. This may sound like it goes against get up and go lesson that I’m supposed to take away from this assignment, but I now have a new solid date set for when I plan to start.
2. I really need to work on my weight but am just depressed, lazy, and feel more comfortable sitting at my computer, reassuring myself that I’m being busy enough to justify my life, over heading outside to be active.
   • Though I am doing much better diet-wise as far as my plan to lose weight goes I’m hung up on the preparation stage goes when it comes to being more physically active because I live amongst nothing but building and I find it depressing to go outside just to navigate a world of the wasteful trappings of modern society.
   • Though this is a good romanticized excused as to why I’ve settled into a shut-in’s life, there is way more to it than that. Also, I do have it in me to go out and get exercise, in fact, I did it last year when I had a daily walking regiment with my dog as opposed to the random if ever outings we currently enjoy together.
   • Though I really should just start this one since it would probably help to get me out of my funk, I’m at a borderline bedridden dull sense of depression where I’m struggling to even figure out what’s actually going on in my head. Again, I know this is a lame excuse, but I think this uncertainty has to do with my upcoming “birthday” because it’s more of a reflective depression where I don’t really feel down but it definitely messes with my head especially now that I’m old and alone.
3. Another thing that I always feel that I need to do is to work on a backup plan or how I will get through life once I finally give up on my dream of earning an existence through writing.
   • This is probably the most damaging of the things that I’m hung up on preparing for in that, I don’t want to fully commit to this one because to me, that feels like it would be the official sign of me giving up on my dreams at the same time, having this on the back of my mind all of the time hinders me from fully committing to my writing as I bounce back and forth toward which way I am leaning.
   • I don’t know what to do with this one because I don’t want to commit to it but at the same time, I’m also used to being a very independent person so living back at home is tearing me up even though I’m not getting any pressure from my family to leave, and if I would just accept that fact that I’m allowed to use this time to focus in on my goals instead of beating myself up for being a failure, I’d make more progress toward achieving my dreams instead of plotting my escape.
   • I don’t think I’m going to ever to stop preparing for this one but at the same time, I don’t think I’ll ever fully commit to it either.
4. I do need to find more stable work. Maybe not the backup career that I just complained about above but I definitely do need a more dependable income in order to have more control over the thing that I can do with my life.
   • he problem here is that I do earn enough to get by on my own, other than the rent and utility bills that I don’t pay by living in a windowless garage. For the most part, I pay for my own food and a monthly stash of marijuana that I need for my insomnia problem. Other than that, I don’t ever go out or buy fancy things so I don’t really need much more but it would be nice to chip in more while also being able to afford to take breaks from life and enjoy more leisure time activities.
   • I get hung up on this one because I do have one work from home gig that hires me from time to time, enough to afford me my current struggling lifestyle. Since I do get by with this style of work while technically also earning the freedom to work on my own projects, it’s hard to think of taking on any more that might provide more income while taking away some of my freedom which is a trade-off that I’m no longer sure if I’m willing to make since my writing is now all that I have to live for.
   • With that said, I really am getting tired of the struggling to save up for even the smallest out of frivolous fun, so I do need to get back to, at least, checking the work from home job boards on more of a regular basis which I will start as soon as I’m done with this post.
5. Finally, for number five I need to stop preparing to find a creative partner and actually start to put feelers out there into the world to find someone willing to work with me.
   • I struggle with this one because I’m not really looking for a collaborative partner in order to work on stories together, I’m thinking more of a best friend who has their own projects to work on so that we can work as each other's sounding board. Though I think I could have/should have worked on this harder in Seattle where I knew way more creative people, I also struggle with partnerships in general since I think I’m a genuine loaner at heart.
   • I think my abandonment issues play into this one because I don’t trust the permanency of any form of relationship, so just like with shrinks, I find it hard to commit to a creative partner on my end, because every failed effort to do so leads me to feel like I keep starting over and over again, without making progress at all.
   • I recently committed to this idea as part of an Achieve Anything… book assignment but as always, it didn’t end up getting that far. Once again, this one is going to have to wait until after my birthday when hopefully my annual period of reflection usually gives way to a highly productive attempt to work toward a better year on this planet, for me to put actual effort into the idea that I have planned.

So, there you have the list of five things that I’m prepping for that I really need to just start which makes this another successful assignment. Today’s assignment is a similar task in that it asks me to create another split list with people who make me feel inferior and how they do so on one side, with a list of potential solutions on the other.

As always, you’ll have to wait for tomorrow’s update to see how this cliffhanger plays out. Until then, it’s now that time where I say, good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.

 Talk to you soon.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker

P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.