It's JFK Files Release Eve!!! I never really felt that I had a guilty pleasure when it comes to music, movies, or TV, in fact, I'm more likely to brag about my bad taste over chiming in to discuss the latest mainstream hits. Though I wouldn't say that I share all of my quirky interested with pride, for the most part, it's rare that I would feel guilt over something that keeps me entertained.

Yes, there are a few forms of entertainment that I might not bring up to those who don't know my personality and might mistake my fascination with novelty with being a genuine fan. For example, I was a genuine fan of wrestling as a kid then got into it again in my early twenties due to the fact that I had a couple roommates who were wrestling fans leading the entire house to ironically get into the "sport." This led to a lot of confusion from outsiders who, though they loved action films, just couldn't wrap their heads around the pleasure of watching exaggerated fighting that's fake.

As far as music goes, I was raised during a time when a lot of people claimed to have an eclectic taste but that just meant there interested was extremely genre specific with one jazz tape, The Best of Johnny Cash and a Tarantino soundtrack as evidence to their well-rounded taste. My generation was the last to see selling out as a disgrace and not the only way that your favorite band has to maintain any relevance. This is why I felt that I should stay silent whenever I'd get into a band or genre but not being in my comfort zone plays into the novelty that I'm drawn to so guilt never came into play.

The other day, while having a conversation with my uncle, I discovered a pleasure of mine that definitely invokes guilt. Up until now, I never really saw this as a guilty pleasure because I saw it more of a secret interest that I would never bring up no matter who I was talking to. This guilty pleasure being my interested in conspiracy which I've brought up here from time to time. 

Though I've always been open about keeping an eye on these controversial subjects, I usually try to keep what I truly believe to myself. A couple years ago, I discovered a podcast called Those Conspiracy Guys, which is a show where a group of Irish guys joke around while sharing the theories about "what is really going on." I love these guys because they help me feel sane for being interested in the subject without necessarily having to believe all that is being said.

The fact that this show lightens the mood while discussing these dark possibilities has made it easier to admit that I'm a genuine fan of the subject. Recently, I turned my mom and older sister onto the show because they also cover true crimes like you'd see on Investigation Discovery. My mom and sister took to the show pretty quickly because the women in my family are all obsessed with cold cases, especially when it comes to husbands who've been killed by their wives.

I was raised on Unsolved Mystery, America's Most Wanted, and Ripley's Believe It Or Not which is probably why I'm inclined to examine all sides of any story whether I believe it or not. It's not until I had this conversation with my uncle that I discovered how guilty I felt about this interest. Where I'm still a little hesitant to talk to those who are fully on board with the idea of looking into alternative answers. I got a bit defensive when I sensed smugness when being questioned as to what I truly believe.

Yes, a big part of my defensive reaction was due to the perception that people like my uncle, who just accept the news as it's reported, tend to talk down to those of us who are open to alternative explanations. They often mix in more extreme aspects from the paranormal world as if questioning news means that you believe every single explanation that's thrown out all at the same time.

No, I don't believe that Bigfoot flew a plane into the World Trade Center and I also don't believe as some people do that there weren't even planes at all but I do believe that some shady shit went down that day and I'm interested in hearing it all to sort through what makes sense to me. Meanwhile, every time I went to share one of the irregularities that lead to my concern, it was always met with an example of, "This one guy I know believes," followed by one of these extreme examples that I don't believe at all.

To top it off, it doesn't seem to help that I'm also aware of a lot of these extreme examples and had answers as to why people claim this as THEIR truth because being informed on all aspects seems to only add to the idea that you actually believe them all. So, the fact that I get so frustrated while chasing my tale during these conversations leaves me feeling guilty to the point where I don't want to talk about it at all.

This is why I feel that my interest in conspiracy is my one and only true guilty pleasure outside of porn. Meanwhile, I don't think that I have any answers to any of this nonsense, all that I see is evidence that needs better answers and the fact that everyone is so aggressively against even questioning the official narrative leaves me almost as concerned as the actual events being questioned.

Alight, that's all I've got on the subject and even though I can't wait to see what's in the JFK Files set to be released tomorrow unless it's something major that actually effects myself, I'll head back into my conspiracy closet until the next time I'm hit with an insight that I can't help but share.

Talk to you tomorrow with another update.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker