Last night turned out to be an interesting night at my youngest cousins wedding. I don't know if I would say that I had a lot of fun, but that has to do my own issue with social anxiety issues and how I felt completely out of place amongst the well-dressed religious types that I've never felt that I fit in with. Other than that the festivities were nice, there was tons of good food and family members that I haven't seen in a while.

Unfortunately, I'm just as uncomfortable around said long-lost family members as I was with the rest of the crowd. I think the big reason for this is that I've now been home for close to three full years now and not a single person has ever addressed the fact that I'm depressed. And when I say no one, I mean absolutely no one.

Even the family members that I live with have yet to ask me about my actual feeling even though I'm the polar opposite of the man that I used to be. This is why I dread the question, "What are you up to these days?" Usually, when this is asked it's in a tone that they expect a borderline stand-up routine about my adventures the way I used to talk when I was only down for a visit.

Now I just shrug my shoulders and say, "My blog," as I watch the interest drain from their face by either my tone or the topic of conversation. I know that I'm as much to plan because I'm also no longer as enthusiastic in my efforts to keep up with what they are saying since it all just feels like small talk these days about movies that I haven't seen or TV shows that I'm unaware of without ever getting all that deep.

That's not to say that I expected the conversations to get all that deep at this festive event. I'm just trying to explain why I feel so awkward amongst a crowd because the same issues have been involved in my one on one interactions for so long that it all feels rather phony where it is quite possible that I have always been the phoniest in the bunch from having to hide my depression for so long.

There was a cool part of the night where me and my oldest cousin, who was the closest thing that I had to a big brother growing up, found a corner to talk about my writing, which may be the first time in years that I've actually talked to anyone about my stories and plans to get them out to the world since this blog is usually my only outlet to talk about my craft.

It felt nice to actual vocalize my ideas even though it was filtered through my unconfident stammer but even more it was nice to get in-person feedback on my thoughts that I think might have blown his mind. Whether or not there will be any follow through on any of the other things that we talked about is still up in the air but either way, it was nice to have that moment.

Now, I'm stuck in between feeling of nostalgic sorrow over how I got to this point and hope for my future plan for escape, while also being excited about the present because as much as I am struggling socially, I'm still extremely excited about the efforts that I am putting into my current projects, whether it's the Saturday Night Live Review Challenge that I haven't missed a deadline for since I started at the beginning of the year, this Daily Breaker post that has been going strong for close to four years, or the current novel that I'm working on that has been over two decades in the making.

With that, it's now time to shift gears and wrap this up so I can get to work on the other project that I just mentioned up above. As always, I'll check in tomorrow with another update on what I end up getting into. Until then, I will finish this up by saying good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.

Talk to you soon.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker