Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-fifty-seven of Operation Achieve Anything. Things have been a little shaky but fun over the past couple of days as I start to worry that my latest bout of enthusiastic optimism is actually the start to another manic episode. Then there’s the other side of me that wonders if I’ve ever been manic at all. I’m starting to think that all of this time I’ve just unable to regulate my excitement and accurately explain my grandiose ideas. I get it since I can get extremely excited over the tiny pieces evidence of forward-movement that can lead to visions of a landslide of potential if only a couple of my efforts would stick that others just don’t seem to see, or at least not through the filters of hop that I use.
Base on the reactions from the past, I then drive myself crazy when trying to express this anticipation to finally start living and not just planning to the outside world. I then get extremely bummed out when these ideas get met with nothing but resistance from people I’m not even asking to risk a dime. I don’t get disappointed when I get turned down by a producer or agent, or any other business type, because I understand that they don’t often take risks on untested products. I feel defeated by how often I’m rejected by people I’m reaching out to be a sounding board or a second set of eyes. I’ve always been fully aware of my inability to properly articulate what’s going on inside my head.
This is why I’m so hell-bent on polishing my writing skills because I think it’s the communication format where I feel I come the closest to accurately expressing myself, minus the stammering and holding back of the tears whenever I’m not being silly while trying to share a serious insight. I’ve always wanted to just be fun in my real life and save all of the reflecting and contemplating for my written worlds. This is why I’ve always been torn between taking it personally that nobody I actually know acknowledges if they read any of my work, and not minding because I would be twice as uncomfortable if my writing were actually to be the main topic of conversation. I don’t really believe in the signs of the Zodiac but the older I get, the more I begin to wonder if all this duality is just the Pisces in me and not a mental disorder.
There definitely has always been a pretty deep split in my persona, to where, I really don’t think people understand how easy it is for me to bounce around and see many perspectives all at once, at it depends on whether the introverted or extroverted part of me is at the wheel, interpreting the information. Though those to driving forces can often disagree when either side is more in control, there is a consistency in the point of view that creates this line of belief. It’s only when I’m in between and exploring that I can seem more wishy-washy, that, or when the non-dominant side at the time of a discussion doesn’t agree. It can feel like I constantly have a social media-style argument running around in my head when the balanced me just wants to get to work.
My focus for 2019 will be to find this balance which is what Operation Fish Merger is in reference to on my newly-revamped homepage if this isn’t your first visit and you happened to notice the change. So far, I have spent most of my life focused on what I’m doing wrong in an effort to fix it, without ever acknowledging what I get right unless I’m trying to defend myself and not to share with pride. I think this is because I want it to be clear that I acknowledge that I’m a work in progress, and fear the second that I do figure myself out that I will then lose my lonely life’s purpose and have nothing at all.
This is another thing that causes me to drive myself nuts. I’ll admit to things like being a bit self-obsessed, but it’s hard not to be when you genuinely feel like an alien on a strange world. I don’t think I’m special at all but do believe that I have an interesting perspective as to why I don’t feel like I fit in, and I’ve always been told to write what I know, and I know my own eccentricities better than I know my best of friends. At the same time, I don’t think that what makes me interesting is for everyone.
This is why I have very grand ideas for a tiny market which the money making focused majority of the world just does not seem to get. This is why there is an endless supply of tips and tricks that claim to turn any interest into a six-figure income, but there’s not one thing out there that shows how to generate a stable minimum-wage income that will allow you to pursue real dreams. If there were a legitimate class like this aimed at artists who aren’t into the business aspect of their craft, that class would make a billion bucks but too much time and effort is wasted on the dreams of getting something for nothing and not really put in much work.
I may be trying to escape the workforce, I may not make all that much, and I may have to reach out to others from time to time, but if you think I’m if you feel like I’m doing this to coast, you need to take a closer look at my site. Read my first post from each challenge to see how my writing has improved from year to year. Read some of the newer posts here on The Daily Breaker. Read my latest SNL review and some of the old ones. If you don’t see all of this as an example of an invaluable form of self-education, then we’re not going to agree on much. Then again, I doubt that anyone who would disagree would ever get far enough in this post to read the challenge.
If you are still here, I still suggest that you take the same challenge because it also would fulfill today’s challenge where I’m supposed to share what makes me unique. Not that unique equals special, just different in the same ways that everyone else is from the rest of the world. Even my closest of friends have never been on the same page with me on everything which is what I feel made them my friends in the first place. I’ve never been drawn to a person for their similarities since I’ve already gotten those aspects figured out. I think expecting the same form of openness in return as easily is where I tend to end up confused, especially when I see them as being more open in my head.
Oh well, that’s all that I’ve got for this one. It’s now time to introduce the assignment for today that couldn’t have come at a better time since I’m now supposed to think of each of my decisions throughout the day and question whether I’m making my choices base on my true beliefs, or if I feel like I’m following any outside influences. That said, you have to wait for tomorrow’s update to read why I think this timing is so neat. Until then, it’s now time for me to sign off as usual and say, good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.
Talk to you soon.
The Wicker Breaker
P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.