Good evening crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-fifty-five of Operation Achieve Anything. It’s time for my second Daily Breaker post for today that will get me caught up from taking yesterday off. As soon as I finish this, I just need to watch and review an extra episode of SNL, and I will be completely caught up and breathe without any sense of anxiety from feeling like I’ve let down the challenge. Again, we’re talking one day off after three years without missing a single day. I hate how even though I’m fine with it logically, deep down inside, I will always see the challenge will be completed with an asterisk.
I get hung up on tiny things like this that I hang onto that makes me feel like a lune. This kind of plays into the assignment from earlier today where I was supposed to start actively practicing being more open to love. This is a tough one for me especially these days where I feel like I’m on the right track but don’t want to be a burden to anyone until I’m no longer I nail down my attempt to earn enough of an income to live off of while I continue to discover the new me. Keep in mind, I’ve been alone for so long that I’ve talked myself into thinking that I'm actually okay with this life of solitude.
It would be really nice to have a sounding board, but right now, my thoughts are so over the place that I sound crazy when I reach out. Since I’m under the impression that nobody understands me, I tend to over-explain things in ways that I feel can scare people off. Or someone will express interest in saying high, but I can take their lack of interest or time for my projects as a rejection of me. This leads me to crawl back into my cave. I do feel much more open to being social than I have since I left Seattle, but there’s still a lot of work to be done before I’m healthy enough to legitimately reach out and not just do the dance of water testing the way that I’m noticing myself doing at this time. This “feeling things out” approach also seems to make one come across as a creep.
Who knows? Maybe someday I’ll figure it all out, but until then, it’s now time to shift gears and introduce today’s assignment where I’m now supposed to explore what makes me unique. This should be a fun one, but you’ll have to wait for tomorrow in order to see what I manage to come up with. Until then, it’s now that time for me to sign off for the second time today by saying good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.
Talk to you soon.
The Wicker Breaker
P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.