Hello, Crickets. How are you doing on this Wednesday morning, aka day number sixty-six of Operation Achieve Anything? Thankfully, I’m finally starting to feel better from this last weekend’s drinking festivities. I’m not sure if I’m more excited to feel better or by the fact that, now all of the remindful body pains are over, I can move on to another topic until I give into my next drinking binge.

As much as I’d almost prefer to just give up on alcohol altogether, I’d be lying if I said I don’t love to get wasted from time to time. I know the cliché points out that the first sign of addiction is denial, which I used to use as evidence by pointing out how I was opening about my addiction when I drank every day, so I would then use this logic to claim that I actually wasn’t an addict at all.

This was only a half joke because, even though I did see myself as a drunk, the fact that I was self-medicating for anxiety and sleep I always felt that alcoholism, in my case, was more of a damaging symptom instead of the actual problem. I never had a problem stopping for days, weeks, or even months whenever I felt too deep in the drink which always led me to feel that I had the ability to control my vices.

I know this might go against many people’s worldview when it comes to the topic of substance abuse but I’ve never had the mindset where I believed in binary solutions where everything’s always either on or off with no percentage levels in between. I always felt that my openness to the idea that everyone’s different no matter how close they appear to be the same, allowed me to be open about myself. This is also why I tend to drag my feet when I feel I’m being crowbarred in to match up with someone else’s beliefs.

The above ramblings actually play into yesterday’s assignment which focused on self-honesty where I was supposed to gauge how honest I was. As always, as a work-from-home shut-in, I didn’t really interact with enough people to gauge my honesty levels, but if you read any of my posts it will be easy to see how open and honest I, at least, try to be.

The main area where I will sometimes drop the ball and talk a bigger game than I end up living up to is when I try to talk hype myself up in order to work on a larger scale personal project. It’s at these times where I will start to share how I put something off but am not worried because of my prolific past, but really, I’m often scared as hell that I’ve either lost this ability or was never good enough to develop a legitimately completed draft.

The funny thing is that it’s this insecurity that I’ll never be good enough that ties into why I prolific since I would constantly move on to a new idea rather than polish the old in order to teach myself the trade until I got to the point where I could handle both. The plan always was to write as much as I could to then clean and share as soon as I felt I was good.

The problem is, I’m now at a point where I feel stuck with hours and hours worth of work and not enough talent or life left within me for this plan to ever pay off. This is why the main reason I’m not honest with myself or others these days is when I talk about my projects acting optimistic about their outcomes. That said, I still have nowhere else to go, so, the only thing that I’m confident about is that I’m going to keep on going because of my stubborn side.

Today’s assignment is pretty much the same as the book continues on the theme of being honest. The only difference between what I just shared and what the good wants from me for tomorrow is that they now want me to add integrity to my efforts to gauge my ability to be honest. So, pretty much, instead of just not lying after breaking a law, I should point out moments when I’m honest and ethical at the same time which is a lesson that I don’t think really deserves an assignment.

Then again, this book seems more geared toward people in marketing and/or businessmen who seem to strive off of this bumper sticker talk to teach them how to be human. Most of this stuff still seems obvious to me when it comes to the concepts but I will continue to play along in hopes that we’ll someday get to the point where the book will start to focus on more than just being mentally prepared to put in the work towards my goals.

Keep in mind, I’m still working on other goals in the background and am not just waiting for the book to start but it would be nice if the book and goal to sync up. Oh well, we’ll see if that ever happens but I’m sure it won’t come with tomorrow’s update since this assignment seems rather lame. Until then, it’s now that time for me to sign of as usual by saying, good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.

Talk to you soon.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker

P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.