Date: 5-15-2014

Due Date: 5-15-2015

Resolution: I would say that I'm horrible at public speaking, but truth be told, I'm horrible at speaking in general. If you know me you may disagree. You may have heard me joking and telling stories with ease, but if you put me in front of a stranger or talk to me about something serious you'll see that I'm a mess.

Unless I'm comfortable and having fun I tend to stammer, mix up words, and just freeze up. As I fight to get the words out I notice every micro facial tic of the audience. Whether or not my interpretations of these facial tics are accurate, I notice them and they destroy my confidence.

I really need to work on this as I feel that, even if it is just in my head, my inability to speak with confidence is a major factor as to what's holding me back from reaching my full potential.

Hopefully, this Toastmasters thing will help me get over this hurdle.

Result #135: Though I Successfully Attended One Toastmaster's Meeting… I Failed To Return… And/Or… Join...

Update #1: First Timer…

Date: 6-3-2014

Today I went to my first meeting with Chamber Club 540 of Toastmasters International. The meeting took place a 30-minute walk from my apartment at The Red Wine Bar, a neighborhood bar I've never been to. This allowed me to check off two other resolutions for the day as well, so even if I chickened out I’d at least accomplished something in my attempt.

For those of you who don't know me, unless I'm comfortable with a person or joking I'm barely able to speak without freezing up and stammering like a moron. I spent my whole walk to the bar working out how I would explain this as part of my introduction and answer to why I was there.

I showed up at the bar and found the meeting area. There was no real introductory small talk. It turned out I was there for a special mystery meeting where the usual structure of the group was thrown out the window in order to throw everyone off their game to get them to think on their feet. This was explained to me as I was pulling my responsibility for this meeting out of the mystery envelope.

The woman in charge explained that it's easiest to just sit back and take in the process as I read that I would be debating someone this evening. Though the way this news was delivered to me made me extremely nervous, I appreciated the novelty of the situation.

The actual meeting started and the woman in charge was right. Even though it was a mystery what everybody's role was for the night, the meeting ran with their standard structure. Everyone introduced themselves, announced their position, and then explain their job in the meeting. This wasn't done for my sake but as part of the meeting as if to show everyone is aware of the expectation and to practice explaining their position. It was pretty interesting.

Everyone at the meeting had a job to do. They had people in charge of timers, they had a word of the day person, they made a guy tell a joke, they had a lady who clicks a clicker if anyone "ums," or "ahs," a couple of speeches, then the debate...

"Oh shit, I'm part of the debate."

The topic, seat belts on busses? I get assigned pro-seat belts.

I wish I could say that it wasn't that bad, that I was worrying for nothing and ended up owning this topic.

Nope.

I stammered like an idiot as I jumped from a joke about… how I'm from Southern California… so… the first time I was ever on a bus was when I was 21… to… a joke about the clicker woman… as I told her to be prepared to click away, and then finished things off by admitting that I'm actually against seat belts being on busses.

They were polite and clapped which I appreciated. For a group that’s meant to boost your confidence toward public speaking, they did a great job supporting every single effort made at trying to communicate.

I can see why Toastmasters has the positive reputation that it does for helping people become better at public speaking. I can't wait to go back to see what I have to talk about next.

Update #2: The Conclusion…

Date: 5-15-2015

Once again, this is a resolution that fell through the cracks when I decided to move. I hope to someday feel comfortable enough in my own skin to venture out and find a Toastmasters group near me because I did see the potential benefits.

As always, I'll keep you posted when I revisit this one.