Area 52 - Southland Tales Reviews: 14 of 52... Cannes Cut Vs. Theatrical Release...

Today marks my 14th viewing of the movie the Southland Tales. I’ve seen the movie in various forms and in various states of mind.

For those of you playing along, I make it pretty clear that the Cannes Cut is my favorite of the versions that I’ve seen so far, followed by the French version and then Theatrical Release. Granted I’ve only seen the French version twice.

Every week that I switch between the Cannes Cut and the Theatrical Release I seem to spot more differences between the two. Being that I’ve seen the two versions so many times I often find that I zone out and am often surprised when I tune back in to notice yet another difference.

Well, I’m tired of these surprises, so today I’m going to fire up the Cannes Cut on the TV and the Theatrical Release on my computer and pause and play each version until I figure it all out.

This may be a long day, but here it goes.

It’s Monday… May 20th at 3:30 in the pm, I’m about to compare and contrast the movie Southland Tales with, well, the movie Southland Tales.

I hope you enjoy…

TR= Theatrical Release CC= Cannes Cut

TR: Right out the gate the Theatrical Release starts with the Samuel Goldwyn Films Logo

CC: Starts with the Universal Logo.

TR: The home video footage at the beginning feels more like a piece of found footage. It’s very quick and leads up to the explosion as if it is a completely separate piece to this movie.

CC: The movie starts with Justin Timberlake’s voice-over informing us that, “This is the way the world ends,” as a lead-in to the home video footage. There is also more to the home video footage, not much, nothing that adds to the story, but more. There’s also music playing in that background that makes this piece seem to fit in with the movie and leads you to care a little more about this family that we never see again. It seems to do more to set the tone of the movie than it does in the Theatrical Release.

TR: They cut to a modern broadcasting/conspiracy documentary-style video as Justin Timberlake explains to the audience how we got to this point. There are many similarities to our war on terror and the rights that we’ve lost to the concept of homeland security with some help from the Patriot Act. Having seen both already this version seems to spell it out a little more for the slower viewers.

CC: Justin Timberlake’s voice is a lot calmer as he tells us that things got complicated after the explosion then prepares us that the complicated story is about to unfold. We don’t get spoon-fed all of the details of how we got to where we are in the story, but kind of assured that it will be explained.

TR: The Rock wakes in Los Angeles, then there’s a brief intro of Justin Timberlake. He was a veteran who was involved in a friendly fire incident. This is said by some announcer as if it’s maybe from a radio broadcast. The information seems like it can easily be missed because the woman uses the character name before he is introduced. I’ve never really picked up the line until this viewing. Where in the Cannes Cut we are told that this is a story of how the world ends before any action begins, we are not told until now that Justin Timberlake’s voice over is telling us this story of end times.

CC: The Rock wakes in Los Angeles as Justin Timberlake explains not the outcome of the war, but the reason behind the war. How this battle went on over traditional fuel sources and how a group of scientists creates a new form of energy that is an infinite power source. This new power source works by using the same concept found in the perpetual motion of the ocean tides. The workings of this power source are more complicated than that, but the point is there is more of a set up to why there is a conflict rather than just what happened.

We learn how the US Pentagon bought out the rights to this power source and how that turned into a power grab for the government (no pun intended.) This version then goes on to explain drug tests that the government is performing on soldiers in the war in Iraq.

This version goes on to explain and show the power that the scientist that invented this power source maintains, including making a deal with the Prime Minister of Japan where he would give up his finger in exchange for the right to use this new infinite power source. Bai Ling then cuts off the Prime Minister’s hand by accident without any remorse. This scene shows up way later in the Theatrical release, and never fully made sense to me. The scene definitely never felt like it naturally fit in where they ended up placing it.

Cut to: Opening title.

TR: Where the Cannes Cut sets up the rest of the movie, the theatrical release cuts back to TV coverage, with nothing more than expositional details about the Rock’s character, and not so much the world of the story.  Well, there are six TV monitors each giving some hints as to what is going on in the world, but it’s more MTV editing than storytelling.

Cut to: Opening title.

TR: Justin Timberlake explain how the USIDent was created to secure the internet to keep an eye on people as part of the Patriot Act. We then get introduced to some of the political players who are involved.

CC: We don’t see the invention of USIDent just yet instead this is where we are introduced to Justin Timberlake, who up until now we’ve only heard his voice over. Since it comes after the title and not mixed in with everything else, the intro seems more clear and more personal of an introduction even though it’s not all that different of a scene.

Justin Timberlake’s voice over throughout both versions is a little different but pretty close. The major change seems to be the tone of his voice.

This section ends with some nice foreshadowing of events to come that the Theatrical release seems to lack.

We don’t learn about USIDent yet… instead… we are introduced to the Rock, we don’t know much about him in this version other than the information hint in that moment of foreshadowing. We know he’s an actor, and he is going to be an important piece to the story.

At this point in the theatrical release… we’ve already been flat out told that he is an actor and a lot more details that we still have to discover in the Cannes Cut.

TR and CC: This section is exactly the same as we are introduced to the relationship between the Rock and Sara Michelle Gellar the only difference being that this is new information in the Cannes Cut, and reinforcing information that was already given to us in the Theatrical release.

TR: This is when they introduce the Fluid Karma (the infinite energy source that was introduced earlier in the Cannes cut) only they use the convention of this being a TV report and a transition into introducing Will Sasso’s Character. Though some of the same information is given it doesn’t feel as important because it doesn’t feel like we are spending time with characters to that storyline, instead they feel like they are only important to this particular news story.

It doesn’t help that Will Sasso just flips to another channel as if this weren’t important. Though it fits with his character, he cuts these important characters off to channel surf and watches an old movie… and eventual flips to Sara Michelle Gellar’s pornstar interview show.

Sara Michelle Gellar then catches Will Sasso watching her show, and the Rock eventually enters the room and isn’t completely trusting of Sara Michelle Gellar but she convinces him to trust her.

We then cut to the scene where Sara Michelle Gellar meets up with Nora Dunn, who plays a powerful adult film director. Sara Michelle Gellar not only wants to work with Nora Dunn, but also wants to inform her that she is sleeping with the Rock. At this point… we already know there is a massive search for him.

CC: Since we’ve already met the scientist that created Fluid Karma, we go straight to the scene with Sara Michelle Gellar and Nora Dunn. They hold off on the scene between Will Sasso, Sara Michelle Gellar, and the Rock. The scene is exactly the same, only we don’t know the full backstory to the Rock quite yet, so when Sara Michelle Gellar says that she’s, “Fucking a very powerful man,” we don’t quite know just how powerful he is.

We then get told the details of the manhunt for The Rock and get introduced to his real family that he has forgotten about due to his amnesia. All this information was already forced on us in the Theatrical Release.

In the Cannes Cut… the timing is natural and smooth. Not only are we introduced to his mother-in-law, but we are also introduced to the USIDent for the first time and told that she runs it. We don’t fully know what USIDent is all about.

We are then introduced to the rest of the Rock’s extended family and learn that they are powerful politicians. Again this is information that was told to us very early and through the expository TV programming convention that the Theatrical Release loves to use.

This section ends with us being shown photos of the car explosion in the Arizona desert that’s connected to why the Rock was missing and has amnesia.

TR: The same scenes in the USIDent building play out only they are reinforcing information that was already given to us in voice-over and through the TV program convention this version loves to use, and not introducing new information the way it does in the Cannes Cut.

We are introduced to the Neo Marxist group that is run by Nora Dunn. She talks with her cohort about the information they retrieved on the Rock after having her meeting with Sara Michelle Gellar a few scenes back.

CC: The same exact introduction of the Neo Marxist group plays out.

TR: We are introduced to the ice cream truck, Cheri Oteri, and Christopher Lambert. Cheri Oteri is there to buy some blanks and writes a check for them. Being that this is the black market Christopher Lambert is not happy about this, but Cheri Oteri kicks his ass.

CC: We are at the same scene with the ice cream truck, Cheri Oteri and Christopher Lambert, only the scene is a bit longer allowing the jokes to make more sense. The reason she writes the check and is angry enough to kick his ass is that there is a 500 dollar minimum that Cheri Oteri was unaware of. The scene is less awkward and actually funny when it is allowed to play out in its entirety.

Now we go to the scene where Will Sasso is watching the TV. Being that the group of scientists is introduced way earlier in this version he doesn’t minimize their roles in the film when he switches the channel to the commercials, not the old movie, and then to the Sara Michelle Gellar porn talk show.

When the Rock enters the room and asks Sara Michelle Gellar if he can trust her even though we are not fully sure why the Rock doesn’t trust her, we’ve seen enough of her dealings to know that she can’t fully be trusted. Whereas in the theatrical release this scene plays out the second time we see Sara Michelle Gellar and we haven’t really seen any evidence of her being untrustworthy.

TR: Again with the TV program convention, we are introduced to a story about the drug experiments on the soldiers, and again, this convention minimizes this plot point being that the TV comes across as background noise to the introduction of Amy Poehler and Wood Harris.

We are also introduced to Seann William Scott at this time.

CC: We are introduced to Amy Poehler, Wood Harris, and Seann William Scott. The only difference is that they don’t start the scene with the TV report about the drug experiments on the soldiers. That was covered much earlier in a more effective way.

TR: Seann William Scott meets up with Will Sasso and is introduced to the Rock and Sara Michelle Gellar. The Rock pitches a story idea for a movie that leads him to coordinate a ride along with Sean William Scott to learn what it’s like to be a police officer.

CC: The same scene plays out with the Rock pitching the movie idea to Seann William Scott.

TR: We follow the Rock on his ride-along with Seann William Scott. Seann William Scott does his little racist bit, and the Rock confirms that he has no idea that he is married.

The Rock shares a story about a magical baby that doesn’t poop or pee because it processes energy differently than you and me. We also learn that Seann William Scott “hasn’t had a bowel movement in six days.”

CC: Everything is the same, before going into the story about the magic baby.

At this point… the Rock goes into graphic details about having sex with Sara Michelle Gellar. This is where the line, “Nobody rocks the cock like Krista Now,” is introduced.

He then tells the story of the magic baby. There’s more to the story where not only does the baby not poop or pee, but it also has destructive farts that caused the explosion that leads to the end of the world.

TR: Amy Poehler and Harris Wood discuss Seann William Scott’s bathroom situation as we are introduced to Kenny, their USIDent Mole.

CC: The same bathroom discussion plays out before we are introduced to Kenny.

TR: We are informed of the Neo Marxist plot to use severed thumbs to rig the election.

The Rock’s father-in-law is informed that the Rock has been found and is fooling around with Sara Michelle Gellar. The father-in-law is then contacted by Nora Dunn who is now going by the name Deepthroat 2… who attempts to bribe him with a video of the Rock and Sara Michelle Gellar.

CC: The same scene plays out, only we are not informed about this plot to rig the election with the severed thumbs.

TR: The idea of Proposition 69 is introduced and they show the scare tactics used in advertising.

CC: The idea of Proposition 69 is introduced and we finally learn more details about what USIDent actually is, minus the TV commercials that demonstrate the scare tactics being used.

TR: Amy Poehler and Harris Wood prepare for their roles in the plot to bring down USIDent.

Back at the Neo-Marxist’s Headquarters… USIDent discovers that Kenny is a mole. The headquarters is invaded and many people are killed by the cops for what seems to be no reason, including Eli Roth who is sitting on a toilet.

The second Sean William Scott escapes unharmed, by hiding in a dumpster.

CC: Amy Poehler and Harris Wood prepare for the roles, but this is not followed up by the discovery of Kenny as a mole.

Instead… this leads to the Rock and Seann William Scott eating at a café discussing sanity, and realizing that they are connected to one another.

This then leads to the scene where the Rock notices Bai Ling outside of a nearby bookstore and meets up with the scientist who invented Fluid Karma. The old lady from Poltergeist has read the Rock’s screenplay and they are aware of the connections between what is going on in the real world and what is written in this screenplay.

We then go back to the USIDent building where we learn about Starla who also managed to get a copy of the Rocks script and learn that she is working with Kenny as he is discovered to be the mole.

The Rock’s mother-in-law sends in her troops to kill Kenny and Eli Roth and the second Sean William Scott escapes.

This is when we are introduced to the plot to use severed thumbs to rig the election as the cops find a bag of thumbs on ice at the Neo-Marxist’s headquarter after killing Kenny. We also see a grey-haired man that we later find out is badass Jon Lovitz. Starla freaks out because she knows she’s in deep shit. None of this is ever shown in the Theatrical release even though it solves a huge chunk of the confusion I always felt while watching the Theatrical Release.

I always felt in the Theatrical release that Kenny’s introduction and demise were too close together. Now I know why it felt that way. There is supposed to be more scenes separating the two events.

TR: I’m not fully sure why they switched up the order of these scenes because we are now at the scene with the Rock and Seann William Scott eating at the café, which leads to the same scene with the Rock meeting the scientist about the script, and then the scene informing us that Starla has found a copy of the Rock’s script.

If anything this order weakens the connection between Starla and Kenny. I never even drew that connection until I saw the Cannes Cut. The fact that she is also a mole makes the scene later on between her and the Rock make much more sense.

This is followed by the Rock and Seann William Scott heading over to intervene in the great improvised domestic dispute between Amy Poehler and Harris Wood that also leads to the intro of badass Jon Lovitz.

The stuff goes down between Jon Lovitz, Amy Poehler, and Harris Wood.

Seann William Scott and the Rock split up.

Starla calls the Rock and has him call Dan Fielding from Night Court.

This is followed by the commercial where two cars that run on Fluid Karma fuck each other.

The Rock makes plans to meet up with Dan Fielding and the Baja Cantina.

The death of Amy Poehler and Harris Wood gets the Neo Marxist’s supporters fired up. We see this on a graphic in a news broadcast leading it to not be so clear that this is what is going on.

CC: For the most part everything from the improv up to the scene where the Neo Marxist’s supporters get fired up is basically the same.

Only as usually in the Cannes Cut it’s clear that the Neo Marxist’s are fired up because of the deaths of Amy Poehler and Harris Wood because Justin Timberlake says so in voice over. Again most of Justin Timberlake’s voice over is the same in both movies only in the Cannes Cut he tells us what is happening, and not what happened, because of this, I’m not fully sure why these scenes aren’t exactly the same.  

TR: With the Neo Marxist supporters being all fired up Nora Dunn has more pull and tries to use it to track down the Rock.

CC: The old lady from Poltergeist tries to warn Bai Ling about the Baron (the lead Scientist.)

Then we go to a Krista Now music video that’s being watched by the Rock’s mother-in-law.

Then to Mandy Moore (the Rock’s wife) who demands that Sara Michelle Gellar be found and brought to her.

This is followed by another scene of the Rock’s mother-in-law watching videos.

These same clips show up in the Theatrical Release for some reason they are in a way different order. 

TR: We don’t see the mother-in-law or Mandy Moore.

The Rock meets up with Booger from Revenge of the Nerd to be transported to Dan Fielding from Night Court.

Seann William Scott realizes that Cheri Oteri can be trusted.

Cheri Oteri drugs Seann William Scott and runs over the squib guy.

CC: Again there aren’t many, if any, changes until Cheri Oteri runs over the squib guy.

TR: The second Seann William Scott climbs out of the dumpster that he fell into earlier, then finds Christopher Lambert in his ice cream truck, asks to use his cellphone, and gets kidnapped.

The Rock is then reunited with his Mandy Moore and his in-laws.

CC: We don’t see the reunion quite yet. Instead… we meet Jeneane Garofalo, who we never see in the Theatrical Release except for near the very end of the movie where she just kind of walks by Justin Timberlake.

In the Cannes Cut… Jeneane Garofalo plays a much bigger role along with Kevin Smith who is also barely in the Theatrical release. Their whole storyline is barely touched in the Theatrical Release.

Their characters play a part in the drugs that everyone shoots into their necks throughout both versions of the movie. The Cannes Cut goes into more detail about what this drug is. It seems to be a little late in the movie to be just introducing these characters, but it still works, and this is just their intro. We don’t get into their story quite yet.

We then see that Seann William Scott is tied up in the ice cream truck, and then there is the reunion between the Rock and Mandy Moore.

 TR: It’s revealed that Cheri Oteri is working with badass John Lovitz.

Again for some reason they now cut to the scene where the Rock’s mother-in-law watches the Krista Now music video and Many Moore demands Sara Michelle Gellar be brought to her.

Then we cut directly to Sara Michelle Gellar showing up. It’s revealed that Sara Michelle Gellar has a video of her with the Rock and that she is blackmailing the Rock’s father-in-law. Sara Michelle Gellar accuses the Baron of being in on the plan.

Sara Michelle Gellar leaves.

The Rock gets a call from Starla, and the old lady from the Poltergeist rambles on and convinces the Rock to do what he has to do. So he drives off.

CC: After it’s revealed that Cheri Oteri is working with badass Jon Lovitz, it’s also revealed that Jon Lovitz is in love with her only this love is not mutual and Jon Lovitz wants to die because of it.

Then we go back to Jeneane Garofalo and Kevin Smith for a quick phone call where Kevin Smith informs Jeneane Garofalo that they caught Sara Michelle Gellar and are sending her to the Rock’s in-laws place.

Then the stories are mostly the same again at least until the Rock drives off.

TR: We finally get introduced to Kevin Smith, but there is no Jeneane Garofalo to be found. Kevin Smith doesn’t even do anything except watch more of the TV programs that deliver exposition.

We find out that this drug that everyone is shooting in their neck is actually Fluid Karma.

This is followed by the scene where Bai Ling cuts off the Prime Minister of Japan’s hand. It really doesn’t make sense at this point in the movie because the group of scientists isn’t as tight as they are at the beginning of the movie so it seems weird that they are together the way that they are when this scene play out here. It also seems very random when placed here.

Now we see Seann William Scott tied up in the back of the ice cream truck.

CC: The Baron calls Jeneane Garofalo and tells her to get rid of a body. We are not informed that the drug is Fluid Karma.

TR: The kid is introduced to Justin Timberlake, I’ve never really been able to figure out what the kid is trading and what he’s trading it for. I figured it was weed because he says it’s medicinal, but does that mean he’s trading drugs for drugs? Or does he trade drugs for the gun he later tries to kill himself with?

Being that I just figured out that the drug actually is Fluid Karma it’s interesting that they outright say it in a news report in the Theatrical Release. I just realize that Justin Timberlake tells the kid it’s Fluid Karma before making the trade. I also finally noticed that the two metal cases that the kid takes are the metal cases that Justin Timberlake got the Fluid Karma from, so that answers that question.

This leads into the I Got Soul But I’m Not a Soldier music video that I’ve grown to like.

CC:  We don’t meet the kid trading the drugs with Justin Timberlake quite yet. Instead, Nora Dunn makes arrangements for the bribe payment with Dan Fielding and the Rock’s mother-in-law freaks out because they are making deals with terrorists.

Nora Dunn and her girl celebrate.

Then the kid makes the deal with Justine Timberlake. There’s another part that doesn’t seem to play out well in either version. The kid says that he’s seen every one of Justin Timberlake’s movies. Watching the Theatrical Release I always thought the kid meant that Justin Timberlake made Alex Jones type videos and that’s what we’re watching when his voice-over explains what we see on the TVs, but the Cannes Cut Justin Timberlake says one line, “I used to be a star,” and that’s pretty much it. This has always left me a little confused no matter which cut I watch. I guess not really confused, but just unsatisfied with this information.

TR: Seann William Scott wakes after being drugged by Cheri Oteri.

We see a power station.

Then we see the USIDent people doing their daily stretches before we are introduced to the zeppelin.

Sara Michelle Gellar meets with Cheri Oteri to get drugs and in the process… Sara Michelle Gellar steals a videotape that she thinks is of her and the Rock.

She then meets with one of her pornstar friends and decides to release the tape.

The kid that trades the drugs contemplates suicide because he received a draft notice to join the war. Seann William Scott stops him and turns him into his personal driver.

CC: For the most part these scenes are the same, if not exactly the same.

TR: This is my favorite scene. The reason being, the changes made to the scene make the continuity of one of the extras just a little off, but enough to entertain the hell out of me. This is the scene where Nora Dunn meets up with Dan Fielding and the continuity, of the bald bearded extra, jumps around, just barely though. The main point of this scene is for Nora Dunn to tell Dan Fielding that she’s not a person to mess with so she Tasers his balls.

CC: The scene is almost exactly the same only there is a tiny bit more dialog and a touch of compassion between Nora Dunn and Dan Fielding. She still shocks his balls though.

TR: Cheri Oteri freaks out because Sara Michelle Gellar stole the wrong tape.

The Rock wanders the beach drinking as he looks for Starla who is still unknown to him.

 Then we go to more of the TV programming to fill us in on random events in the world.

The Rock and Starla have their run in and she gets shot by Justin Timberlake, just after she informs the Rock about what happened in the desert and threatening to kill herself if the Rock doesn’t let her, “suck his dick.” 

Cheri Oteri and Jon Lovitz track Sara Michelle Gellar to a bar where Sara Michelle Gellar plans to drop the tape off so it’ll be shown to the world.

Both Cheri Oteri and Jon Lovitz are shot for waving their guns around as the chase Sara Michelle Gellar.

The Rock continues to wander the beach until he is betrayed and captured by Will Sasso and his gang.

Nora Dunn manages to get a ticket with no plus one to go on the zeppelin.

The riots continue to build.

CC: This is another section that is the same minus the expository TV programming.

Instead of the TV programming that tells us what is going on with the rioters… we get to see a scene with Jeneane Garofalo and Kevin Smith. Kevin Smith is aware of the ice cream truck and is loading his guns to prepare for something.

TR: Seann William Scott and the kid drive around. The kid not only finds out and is impressed that Seann William Scott was in Iraq and that he bleeds (uses Fluid Karma.) The kid agrees to drive the two Seanns to Mexico.

The Rock wakes in Mandy Moore’s room. He lets her know that it all ends tonight.

Sara Michelle Gellar and her girls celebrate their accomplishments of releasing this video to set things in motion.

We then go back to the room where the Rock and Mandy Moore seem to at least be on the same page for the night.

CC: These scenes are the same only the scene between the Rock and Mandy Moore is not broken up into two scenes.

In the Cannes Cut… the scene with Sara Michelle Gellar and her girls happens at the end of the scene between the Rock and Mandy Moore, it does not split the scene as it does in the Theatrical Release.

TR: There’s a quick scene with Nora Dunn talking to Kevin Smith on the phone, revealing that Kevin Smith is the one that runs the Neo Marxist Website.

Follow by more expositional TV programming.

Then the Rock gets ready to board the zeppelin.

There’s a quick video map of the zeppelin then the Rock and Mandy Moore Make their entrance.

CC: We don’t see the conversation between Nora Dunn and Kevin Smith, all we see is the Rock getting ready for the trip and then the entrance with Mandy Moore.

TR: We see that everyone is on the zeppelin as the camera follows various cast members around the space. Everyone is dressed up and having a good time. There seems to be no animosity.

The Rock has a conversation with Mandy Moore where she asks him how it ends and he says, “With a handshake.”

The Rock is then told that Kevin Smith wants to meet him alone.

The Rock then leaves for the meeting and finds a gun on the way.

The Rock arrives and pulls his gun but Kevin Smith is ready for it and greeted the Rock with his guns of his own.

CC: After we follow the various characters around the zeppelin there is no conversation between the Rock and Mandy Moore. There is dinner… and the show begins with Rebekah Del Rio singing the Star-Spangled Banner.

We then revisit Seann William Scott and the kid in the Escalade where Seann William Scott shoots up seeming to want to impress the kid. We then get a quick story as to how Seann William Scott and Justin Timberlake are connected.

We cut back to the zeppelin as the woman finishes the Star-Spangled Banner.

TR: The Rock’s mother-in-law is freaked out by the riots as she tries to continue to hold down the fort at the USIDent building.

The zeppelin lifts off.

The scientists are with Kevin Smith and explain what happened to the Rock out in the desert and how he is a copy of himself, and that Seann William Scott is out there occupying two bodies with one soul. The Rock is aware of all of this because it is the same as the storyline that he came up with for his screenplay.

We are introduced to the line, “I’m a pimp and pimps don’t commit suicide.” For some reason from this point on that line is delivered a few times as if it’s the battle cry of the movie only it’s almost over and this is the first time we hear it.

We revisit Seann William Scott and the kid. Seann shoots up seeming to want to impress the kid and we get the flash of the story between Justin Timberlake and Seann William Scott.

CC: The order of these last scenes is so crazy different it’s getting kind of hard to keep track.

We return to the zeppelin where Dan Fielding and Nora Dunn argue in a flirtatious way.

This leads to the Rock talking to Mandy Moore, then being told Kevin Smith wants to talk to him, then finding the gun.

There’s a quick scene with Jeneane Garofalo talking with Kevin Smith where he ignores her to shoot up. This happens right before the Rock enters Kevin Smith’s room with his newfound gun only to be told to drop it right away.

Then we go to the Rock’s mother-in-law freaking out.

Then the Rock is told what happened in the Arizona desert and learns that his screenplay is prophetic and that there are two Seanns running around with one soul.

They go into a little more detail and give a visual queue as to why the Rock does that thing with his hands throughout the movie. Okay… they go into a lot more detail and it makes way more sense.

TR:  The kid’s ATM card fails

Then we go back and forth between them stealing the ATM and Rebekah Del Rio singing the Star-Spangled Banner.

There are a lot of announcements from some robotic voice introducing everything on the zeppelin in the Theatrical Release and it’s kind of annoying.

Seann William Scott and the kid actually drive off with the ATM machine.

CC: Being that the Star-Spangled Banner happened a while ago in this version, they don’t cut back and forth between scenes. Instead… the entire scene of Seann William Scott and the kid stealing the ATM plays out in its entirety.

We then go to Jeneane Garofalo freaking out on the phone as she talks with Kevin Smith, who seems prepared for his fate.

TR: There is rioting and we begin to follow the ice cream truck again.

We then go back to the zeppelin where the Rock has a run-in with Bai Ling to get more details about what happened in the desert. This is when he figures out that it’s Seann William Scott who drove the Rock into the vortex.

CC: We are in the USIDent building with the Rock’s mother-in-law.

There’s rioting outside as we reconnect with the ice cream truck.

We seem to be somewhat synced up again as the Rock has the same conversation with Bai Ling on the zeppelin. The conversation is a bit different, but for the better, they go into more detail, and the Rock finishes the conversation by kissing Bai Ling, then dropping her to the ground. I guess to show her how manly he is?

TR: The ice cream truck collides with the ATM.

The two Seanns Spot one another.

The rioting gets out of control.

The above-mentioned kiss does happen in both versions the scene is just way more broken up in the theatrical release with scenes of the two Seanns reuniting.

CC: The Rock announces that they have to evacuate the zeppelin.

The scenes with the two Seanns reuniting take place, but it’s not cut with the scene of the Rock and Bai Ling.

The two Seanns eventually both end up in the ice cream truck.

TR: It close to the same timing but not quite. The Rock makes his announcement that everyone has to evacuate and we return to the two Seanns as they reunite.

The two Seanns eventually both end up in the ice cream truck.

The kid is told by Christopher Lambert to shoot something with the bazooka as he climbs onto the ice cream truck just as the two Seanns shake hands leading the ice cream truck to lift off.

CC: Again just a little off. We go back into the zeppelin before the two Seanns shake hands and just to see the Rock real quick, then the Seanns shake hands leading the ice cream truck to lift off.

TR: The robot announcer announces the end and introduces Sara Michelle Gellar and her girls for their dance routine. This is intercut with the ice cream truck as it continues to rise and Will Sasso invading USIDent and killing the Rock’s mother-in-law, actually the guy that looks like Flee kills her.

Back in the zeppelin… the Rock joins in on the dance routine and eventually so does Mandy Moore as we continue to get quick updates from the other parts of the story.

CC: The same thing happens minus the robot voice chiming in from time to time with his announcements. I guess it’s more an announcer than a robot, either way… I’m not a fan.

TR and CC: Mandy Moore and Sara Michelle Gellar start to dance together. This always gets a chuckle out of me, not for the implied lesbianism, but just because it’s a bit awkward and out of the blue. Then again one of the first lines out of Sara Michelle Gellar is how we are a bisexual nation so I guess it was actually thought out.

TR: The Rock eventually fires his gun to get everyone’s attention to try to get everyone to evacuate. He then threatens to kill himself.

Meanwhile… in the ice cream truck… the second Seann threaten to kill the first Seann then himself in order to get the first Seann to release his hand.

Back in the zeppelin… there is a standoff with the Rock to get him to drop his weapon.

Meanwhile… the kid on the ice cream truck uses the bazooka that he got from Christopher Lambert and follows his orders and takes aim at the zeppelin.

 CC: Again there is a bit of a difference as to when and where they cut away from scene to scene but for the most part it’s the same.

TR: The kid fires the bazooka to the voice of the stupid robot voice announcing the end of the world.

Dan Fielding and Nora Dunn witness the bazooka being shot.

The Robot voice then goes on to say, “This is the end and remember nobody rocks the cock like Krista Now, and I mean nobody” which comes across as very cheesy being that the Rock never delivers this line in this version of the film so it’s not a callback, it’s just random.

The Rock then spreads his arms as his tattoo of Jesus soaks through his shirt in blood as the zeppelin explodes.

The kid drops the bazooka and trust falls off the ice cream truck.

CC: There’s no stupid robot voice, and all of the characters get to have more of a moment of closure.

Dan Fielding and Nora Dunn actually have a make-out session before dying.

The stuff with the Rock is the same only it’s dramatic and not insulting with the stupid robot voice making cock jokes.

The kid drops the bazooka and does his trust fall.

TR: We finally get to see Jeneane Garofalo for the first time.

TR and CC: The two Seanns come to grips with their past and the world ends, at least the movie implies that it ends.

Both movies do end though.

TR: Music throughout closing credits.

CC: Silence during closing credits.

Wow, it’s now 12:30 in the AM. That took a little longer than I expected but was well worth it. I shouldn’t be so surprised being that I technically watched the movie twice. The Theatrical Release being 2 hours and 24 minutes long and the Cannes Cut being 2 hours and 38 minutes long, that’s over 5 hours right there, then factoring in that I had to pause each version to write out my findings, it makes total sense why it took so long.

I’m not fully sure what my plan is for next week’s viewing, but I can’t wait (mainly because I know for sure that it will take at least half the amount of time as this week’s same movie double feature.

See you then!