Area 52 - Southland Tales Reviews: 3 of 52... The Great Procrastination Pants...
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The date was Tuesday… March 5th… 2013 at 1:13 in the am.
What an amazing day of procrastination!
A couple of years ago I made a deal with myself to let Monday be a guilt-free slacker day. That's not to say that I don't schedule anything for Mondays, but when a Monday rolls in and I have no gigs lined up, the pants free debate between napping and what movie to watch begins.
I rarely actually give in to this deal and usually end up working on something, but this week was the perfect storm of laziness.
First… there was the above-mentioned guilt-free slacker Monday deal.
Second, I was pretty beat from working my second grip and electric job of the year that had just wrapped the night before.
Third, I was exhausted from the weekend of Birthday festivities that ended with me sleeping on a loveseat.
I eventually switched from a pair of PJ pants to a pair of PJ shorts as I moved from the futon to my office chair where I sat for hours, listening to podcast and saying, "just one more level," to myself as I frantically tried to unlock everything from my favorite dart monkey based tower defense game.
I've gotten to the point where I almost have everything unlocked. I just want to finish this game so that I don’t have to play it ever again. I’m sick of it yet feel the need to follow through and complete every task. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be comforting, but this same OCD mentality will get me through the entire year of Southland Tales.
Last week one of my complaints was that I was too in my own head, too hung up on what I was going to write to pay attention to everything that was happening on the screen.
I was going to take notes because I also know that there are a lot of points that I've just forgotten between the viewings of the movie and the writing of the reviews. I was too high to take notes the first week, and my hands were too jittery to take notes during week two's viewing.
So I made a meal of strange birthday ramen, polished off the rest of my "magic" birthday cake, and grabbed a can of birthday asparagus juice to wash it all down as I grabbed my laptop and sat down for this week’s viewing.
Though I got a late start, none of the procrastination had to do with not wanting to watch the movie. In fact, it's not all that strange for me to start a movie this late at night or in the morning, whatever you call this time.
The first thing that I noted was that the key advertisers are Panasonic, Bud Light, and Hustler. I also noticed the WW3 logo at the top of the screen. One of these weeks I'm going to work in a conspiracy theory that this entire movie is wrestling based and the Rock and Dwayne Johnson share the same relationship as Boxer Santaros and Jericho Cane and that Kane had something to do with the explosion in the desert, and Vince McMahon is plotting all of this. How do I know this? Turn that 3 around and you have WWE!?! Makes you think right?
Okay, now I can check that stupid WWE conspiracy off my list of things to do.
I love this shot with the toy soldier. I don’t love this trend I've started where I drink weird things while watching this movie. Asparagus Juice? Really? I don't think I'm quite ready for this yet.
I just noticed that like Star Wars this movie starts with part IV?
I've taken multiple screenwriting classes, sat through a couple of webinars, and have watched a few YouTube videos on screenwriting. One of the first things you learn is one of those facts that are so dumb that upon hearing it you can't wait to tell someone else.
This dumb fact falls into the same camp of information as the false story behind MOS (Mit Out Sound) and the story behind how clothespins got the name C47. Nothing groundbreaking, but a fun fact that you hold in your arsenal waiting to impress the next newbie.
That fun fact in screenwriting is that you only place brads in the top and bottom holes of a three-hole punched screenplay. That's it. It's a dumb fact, yet in every movie where there is a script… all three holes are always filled. No this isn't a set up to a… "That's what she said," joke… unless… the “she” in question had any training in screenwriting.
This is my third time watching this and I swear the first time that they introduce Booger, Bai Ling, Tangina, Vizzini, and the lady that looks like Madame of Waylon and Madame. I swear that lady is Bea Arthur, but only for that shot. The rest of the time I believe it actually is Madame.
By the way, it's been good seeing that Tangina from Poltergeist was still alive. Those good feelings quickly faded as I looked her up to find her character's name in Poltergeist only to find that now she's dead. I guess I didn't watch the Oscars that year.
I have no idea how I missed the Seann William Scott who is tied to the chair. He's not even slightly hidden, though I almost missed it this time as I cringed from the taste of the Asparagus Juice.
Why does the Rock change the ending to the line, "There's no stopping what can't be stopped..." He goes on to quote something biblical with no mention of Predator or DAS EFX.
I should probably look up what a Neo-Marxist is. I think I get the concept, but I'm probably way off as to what it really means. I don't think I've ever accusingly aligned anyone with a political movement more out of fear that anyone could defeat my argument by simply asking, "What do you mean by that?" To which I have nothing else to do but chant “USA” over and over again as I look for the exit.
I should also try to figure out what this fictional Prop 69 is all about. I get the type of proposition that they are satirizing here, but if I'm going to get stoned and watch this movie for a year I'm going to need to know the facts.
That said I'll look up Neo-Marxism and Prop 69 next week, or before one of the other 49 viewings.
I think this woman is on to something with her morning before pills concept. I would like to pitch my Croquet Peace Plan to her.
Again, I love the fact that there are little people in this movie who are never referenced. There is a sense of, "Why would you reference them, they're just people?" Meanwhile… they all seem to be stuck in the same department. There is only one little cop that mixes sizes and works with the tall.
Oh, the guy who is shot on THAT toilet is Eli Roth. At first… I thought the credits were lying, but I guess the guy who gets shot on the other toilet has an established name. Now I just need to find Kevin Smith and Janeane Garofalo.
I love the reference to Boys in the Hood and/or Don’t Be a Menace to... during the improv scene where the guy swings at the air like a crazy person. They need that in more movies.
And then there's Bad Ass Jon Lovitz. I know I bring him up as a joke, but I really think he did a great job in this role. In fact… that's one of the things that I like most about this movie. As I pointed out in my first review there is scene after scene of “Woe! It’s that person!” but every "that person" does a great job of being the other person that they're playing. After, "Woe… it’s Dan Fielding." I’m not constantly thinking of Night Court references but more interested as to what this new character is up to.
Thought that does change near the end when there is a band backing up a woman as she sings The Star-Spangled Banner. At that point I really wanted Booger and the rest of the nerds to break out their instruments and start their reunion tour. Could you think of a better venue? Plus the music to the song had the slightest and I mean “slightest” similarity to the song at the end of Revenge of the Nerds.
Speaking of the end, here we go again. It's time for the guy on the ice cream truck to fire the bazooka and for the rock to find out that he's Jesus, but who is this brunette chick that the Rock and his wife start to dance with?
Ooooooooooohhh... I completely missed the fact that she died her hair.
Can't wait for next week!!!
