Resolution #166: Teach A Baby How To Fly And Land Without Dying...

Date: 6-15-2014

Due Date: 6-15-2015

Resolution: ... by baby I mean high school egg baby... and by “teach it to fly,” I plan to tie said egg to a kite to see if I can get said kite to take off and land without cracking said egg baby.

How I got here is pretty convoluted so bear with me... 

Today was one of those days that I just wanted to end the moment I woke up. As I was mindlessly applying price changes at work I noticed we had kites that were going on clearance.

This got me thinking how, back in the day, people used to say, "Go fly a kite," instead of, "Go F yourself."

This led me to imagine today in human form, a target for my grumpy, sleep-deprived, hate. A conglomeration of all my frustrations that I could approach and yell, "F U and the kite you rode in on!"

Then I thought, "I haven't flown a kite in a long time. That could be fun!"

As with everything else that I conclude may be fun, I decided to make a resolution out of it but what's interesting about flying a kite?

My first thought was Ben Franklin.

Part of me was tempted to see if I could discover a new source of renewable energy by tying random crap to the kite and flying it during a lightning storm.

Who knows?

Maybe something magical will happen when I lightning bolt hits a USB Thumb Drive.

Science may be getting a little too full of itself with all its technology and whatnot. Our four fathers of science only needed things like kites and keys and apples and trees.

Then I started to think of the reality of sky fishing for electricity and came to the conclusion that it would be rather boring, just sitting there in a chair, looking to the sky, waiting to strike oil with random tchotchkes tied to a kite.

Back when I was a kid, my dad bought me one of those fancy kites that you have to control with both hands. Though I figured out how to build the thing I never really figured out how to get it in the air.

I remembered watching the pros who effortlessly flew their fancy kites as if they were a part of the Blue Angels. They not only got their kites off the ground, they were able to gently land them back in the take-off position.

That is what then lead me to think, "Hm... I wonder if I could get one of those fancy kites to take off and land with an egg tied to it?"

And here we are!!!

Result #166: I Thought This Would Be A Fun Task For Me And My Drunken Friends… But… Now It Might End Up Being A Fun One For Me And The Little Ones In My Family...

Update #1: The Conclusion…

Date: 6-15-2015

For some reason, I thought my friends would love this challenge. A competition that tests your skills to fly and land a kite while also having the tension of trying to save a fragile egg, all combine with the oo's and ah's of the failed attempts.

Unfortunately I never really brought it up to anyone.

Once again it just didn't feel like anyone was interested in participating in my shenanigans anymore, so other than making the initial resolution I just kept quiet. 

Now that I'm back home and have nieces and nephews there may be a day when I work through my social anxieties and revisit this challenge to thrill the kids. They're kind of like drunks minus the alcohol.

As always, I'll keep you posted.