Resolution #293: Learn To Appreciate Nature...

Date: 10-20-2014

Due Date: 10-20-2015

The Resolution: Actually I already appreciate nature. I've probably seen more nature documentaries this year than I've seen any kind of scripted cinema. The problem is I have a touch of agoraphobia and hate everything about venturing out to see the beauty with my own two eyes.

In a creative writing class in film school… our assignment was to take ourselves out on a date. Unfortunately… my goto of grabbing some wine to stay in and watch movies didn't count as a date for this assignment but I was living in a different country and even though I didn't want to, I felt the need to go out and explore.

My school was in Vancouver B.C. where they have Stanley Park. I thought to myself, "Hey I should go out and explore the park. That's a thing to do on a date, right?

The day of the date arrived and I started to get anxious, what if I were to stand myself up?

Actually… I started to get anxious because I saw no goals in going to the park. How was I to know when my appreciation was done?

Then I saw that there was an aquarium.

"Oh, I'll go there."

I now had a plan. Go to the aquarium and be done once I've seen all the exhibits. 

I grew up in San Diego where they have Sea World; though I wasn't really expecting a comparable experience I wasn't expecting the place to be that small.

They had an otter pool and a whale pool. I watched a large gross otter perform auto-fellatio and the lamest whale show on the planet then walked into the actual aquarium where it took less than a half-hour to see everything they had. 

This was going to be a short date.

I got bored and bummed out because I wasn't even a good date for myself. I started to walk home with my tail between my legs. I decided to walk through the park to appreciate more nature… but still didn't know what to do once I saw something beautiful.

That is until I saw the sign for a cafe located in the middle of the park.

"I know, I'll have lunch," I said to myself, now having a goal to accomplish.

I stormed right over to the cafe, nature be damned.

I had my snack and went home.

I didn't end up appreciated anything and found that I'm a horrible date.

Maybe if I work on my appreciation of nature, I'll also become a better date.

Or at least I'll find a new place to get a snack.

Result #293: Though I Appreciate The Concept Of Nature… I Failed To Learn To Appreciate The Reality Of Being Alone Amongst The Trees…

Update #1: The Conclusion…

Date: 10-20-2015

As I was searching the internet for the above image I couldn't think of any other place I would want to be, but then the reality sets in and I know I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I was in a spot like this alone with no technological distractions.

For years I've been feeling like I've been becoming more and more agoraphobic… people usually laugh this off as a joke… because we live in a country where… if anyone is the slightest bit tidy… they laugh and claim they have OCD. Everyone has a good time joking about mental disorders which I think has led to people either not believing or not knowing how to deal with people with genuine debilitating issues.

Lately… I've been fantasizing about buying a cheap piece of land and living in a small cabin to escape the noise of the modern world, yet I can't sleep without the TV on because the silence drives me crazy. In this fantasy… I'd have the creature comforts like TV and internet I just wouldn't have the noise of the neighboring society that is the true reason I don't like going outside.

In this fantasy I picture myself getting back to nature so I guess the fact that I'm not quite there isn't such a bad thing. Hopefully… the day will come that I can at least test not just getting comfortable visiting nature but learn what it's like to live with it.