Resolution #47: Make A Conscious Effort To Not Be So Harsh About Myself In My Self-Talk...
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Date: 2-16-2014
Due Date: 2-16-2015
Resolution: When I think of anyone who's ever said anything horrible about me I realize no one can top the things that I've said about myself.
I've always been pretty rough on myself. Even when I try to give myself a positive trait I usually follow it up by putting myself down. Like I'll describe myself as a loveable dumb guy, or just another funny fat guy.
I noticed that as I continue on with this whole resolution thing in an attempt to become a better person that I constantly add little jabs at myself, bracing myself for failure or reassuring others that this is kind of a joke, not to be taken too seriously because who am I to think anyone is interested in following my progress?
As I move forward I will try and ease up on myself. I'm not going to cut out the self-deprecation all together, I'm just going to try and not really mean it as much as I currently do.
Result #47: Once Again, It Looks Like A Failure To Conquer This Hard-Wired Self-Defense Mechanism…
Update #1: The Conclusion…
Date: 2-19-2015
I think I was the first person in my group of friends to discover the art of self-deprecation. Outside of school… I spent a lot of time alone with the TV which led me to become an extreme comedy nerd.
Comedy Central had just come into existence and the majority of their programming was Stand-Up Comedy based. I was already a fan of stand-up comedy thanks to A&E's An Evening at the Improv and shows like Carson and Letterman but thanks to Comedy Central I had a bigger sphere of influence when it came to comedic voices.
I found that I was a big fan of most of the comedians that went on to create the Alt Comedy movement and these comedians tended to be very self-deprecating.
One day in while I was in the seventh grade I remember walking home with a group of friends. We would take turns "basing" on each other as we walked. I don't remember the joke but I remember the experience. Someone "based" on my house with a pretty lame joke.
Lame because the reality of my living situation was worse than the meager barb of the insult. I decided to give self-deprecation a shot and bridged the gap between his joke and my reality in a humorous way that won the crowd.
That became my comedic style ever since. For the longest time I was able to keep my beliefs separate from my routine but as time went by I eventually started to believe the negativity that I was spewing about myself.
I don't know if I can break this habit but I think I’m at least getting better at controlling it.
