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A Slow Introduction To The First Full Season That’s Completely Unfamiliar To Me

Though my little nephew who lives in the same house as me loves the Transformers series of movies, I don’t think he’s ever watched the earlier ones starring Megan Fox, or at least not with me. Though I loved the cartoon as a kid, I hate how the movie robots seem to cheat in order to transform. I used to love seeing how they would work all the vehicle’s pieces into body parts. Where the cartoons transform step by step so that you can clearly see how it would transform as a toy. The movie versions just make the traditional noise as they just magically change to machine shaped men.

Since I never had any interest in this series of films and was just barely too old to be into the Ninja Turtles, I’ve never seen our host in any of her more significant roles. It turns out, I’ve only seen her in The Dictator, and This Is Forty but don’t remember her from either film. Between the fact that I’m unfamiliar with her work and the fact that my pre-viewing legwork has this looking a lot like a hot host show, I’m a bit nervous about this opening night to a new season, but here we go.

As usual, going back several years, the C-SPAN sketch that started the night felt like real C-SPAN coverage since it was just Fred Armisen as Moammar Gadhafi being a stationary talking head. The dry tone to recreate that genuine C-SPAN feel didn’t really help either. Megan Fox was perfectly fine with her monolog, but more than one of her jokes seemed to be setting up a hot host night. Like how the clothes chosen for her were to draw in thirteen-year-old boys. Hell, even the horrible Photoshopped nude photos as the main focus of the joke made it seem like this is going to be an episode about looks over laughs.

The fake ad for the pee shy pill was sort of fun, the premise of the flight attendants sketch was also pretty funny, and it was great to see Hannibal Buress in a non-speaking role, but the delivery of the jokes left me feeling a bit bored. The Russian bride sketch that followed was just Megan standing there looking pretty next to Fred Armisen in drag which again, led the premise to be pretty funny with Will Forte torn between the two simply because Fred was ten dollars cheaper to buy to become his wife, but the delivery was really dry.

The SNL Digital Short with Will Forte as a weirdo freak winning over Megan Fox who was way out of his league was more looks based fun that’s not all that funny to me, even with the twist at the end where Will was the one dumping Megan even after we learn how big of a freak Forte is. It didn’t help this once again, there was a super slow pace to this sketch. Thankfully, Kenan Thompson brought some energy to the night and shared some hilarious sex technique. I was surprised that they didn’t use this as an excused to get a cast member to fondle the host. Even when she did get involved, there was no fondling because the sex moves were too bizarre. The portion where Kenan was all alone was the first genuinely hilarious moment of the night and not just me saying it was fun to be nice.

I like U2s old music, but I could give or take their music from this time period, so I started to zone out during their song. The news was the news, and I liked the two guest, but at the same time, the first half of the show has me on the verge of checking out for the rest of the night, especially since only one of the remaining sketches seems fun based on their brief summaries. The fake phone-sex ad with our host acting cute and dumb was not the funny seeming sketch in question, and neither was the second song from U2.

I liked seeing Jenny Slate get her first sketch where she clearing said fucking instead of freakin’ and you can clearly see the shocked look on her face, but she was really quick to recover. I’ll be sure to add a photo of this exact moment because it will be one of my favorite moments of the night. The second SNL Digital Short for tonight is the potentially funny sketch mentioned above which it was because it cracked me up to see Bobby Moynihan as a man who thinks he’s Optimus Prime who transformed by taking his pants off.

The final sketch was a fun one, but once again it was just Megan Fox being herself with Kristen Wiig doing all of the humorous work. Megan then said her goodnights where it seemed that Seth Meyers was comforting Jenny Slate for her f-word flub right behind her as U2 brought back for one final song. Though I don’t usually enjoy three musical performance of the night, I don’t mind when the performance takes place under the credits.

I wouldn’t say that this episode was terrible, but it definitely was a terrible choice to have as a season opener. I think if this show aired mid-season, I’d let it slide as a so-so mid-season slump, instead of now fearing the rest of the year.

The Wicker Breakdown:

This week's show started with the parody C-SPAN coverage from The United Nations General Assembly where Fred Armisen as Moammar Gadhafi addressed the group to give excuses for his earlier speech where he said jet lag caused his nonsensical ramblings, only to end up rambling on about nothing again. Of course, with this being the opening sketch it eventually led to the announcement of, “Live from New York…”
Megan Fox then officially opened the show with a monolog about how hosting had her feeling like she was living a dream then looked down at what she was wearing and said it was apparently a thirteen-year-old boy’s dream. She then joked how some might know her from the movie Transformer, but more people probably knew her from nude pictures on the internet that she didn’t remember posing for. She then shared several of these obviously faked nudes while continuing to act dumb as if they were real and she just forgot posing for them.
This was followed by a fake ad for Bladdivan which was for a new pill and promoted how it help men combat Shy Bladder Syndrome.
Flight Attendants had Megan Fox and Kristen Wiig as two flight attendants who were unnaturally upbeat and bubbly while making devastating announcements about issues with the plane.
Russian Brides Had Megan Fox and Fred Armisen as two mail order Russian brides that Will Forte had to choose from. Though he was clearly more physically attracted to Megan, Armisen wasn’t ruled out thanks to the fact that he as a she was ten dollars cheaper to become Forte’s wife.
We then got another SNL Digital Short where Will Forte played a socially awkward guy trying to impress Megan Fox after somehow getting a date. Though he does pull off this feat, even after learning his deep creepy secrets, he ended up dumping her by the end of the scene.
Grady Wilson's Burning Up The Bedsheets featured Kenan Thompson as the titular pitchman who demonstrated his special sex techniques to help burn up the bedsheets for those who buy his new book.
U2 then took to the stage to perform Breathe.
Once again, Seth Meyers gave us the news. This week, Kenan Thompson returned as his French Def Jam comedian character to tell a few jokes about the recent G20 Summit. Kristen Wiig also returned as her travel writer character who told so many mini jokes in an effort to hide her discomfort that her visit makes no sense. (Clip 2)
Live Lounge had Megan Fox as a phone-chat operator who touted the Live Lounge platform as well as the throng of other weirdo social types who call in.
U2 then returned to the stage to perform Moment Of Surrender.
Biker Chick Chat introduced Jenny Slate to the show as the host of a freakin’ talk show for freakin’ biker chicks.
We then got yet another SNL Digital Short Called Megan’s Roommate where Andy Samberg played Megan Fox’s Netflix and chill type date where he met Megan’s roommate played by Bobby Moynihan who was bitterly jealous while also butt naked wearing nothing but an Optimus Prime mask while thinking he was a true robot.
Your Mom Talks To Megan Fox While You Get Ready was a sketch where the title says it all with Kristen Wiig in the role of the mom.
16. Finally, Megan Fox closed the show by thanking the audience and saying her goodnights before introducing U2 back to the stage once again, to perform Ultraviolet (Light My Way).

Though I wasn’t a huge fan of this episode, my biggest issue being the fact that it is our introduction to this new season, I probably wouldn’t have minded it if it aired later in the year since the three sketches that contained my favorite moments actually made this episode kind of fun. First, I lived Grady Wilson's Burning Up The Bedsheets, especially when Kenan was sharing his sex techniques by himself because this Grady Wilson character cracked me up. Next, I really liked the SNL Digital Short: Megan’s Roommate because Bobby Moynihan had me laughing the entire time in his Optimus Prime mask and missing pants. Finally, I was a fan of Biker Chick Chat because of Jenny Slate’s face after she accidentally said fucking instead of freakin’ which she had to say about one-hundred time making the mix-up seem very difficult to avoid.