What Do You Call Obtaining Information Via An Audiobook???

Date: 1/21/2013

I apparently really enjoy listening to people talk.

I think it started when I was a child, around seven or eight, the night I snuck our old school tape recorder into the hallway to record the audio of Eddie Murphy’s Delirious after my parents told me that it was too dirty for me to watch with them.

Days later I let a goonie goo-goo slip.

Based on the television shows and movies I've seen, my parents should have blown up, taken the tape recorder, and grounded me.

I guess my parents figured the cat was out of the bag because from then on, no matter how dirty the comedian was, I was allowed to watch the show with them.

This eventually led to me reciting Robin William’s joke where he laughs like Goofy and says, “It’s dad having an orgasm.” At that time I didn’t know what an orgasm was, but my grandparents sure did and didn’t seem all that entertained.

Though that was my first experience with a joke bombing, there was no repercussion. I continued to listen to people talk without any censorship.

Years later The Howard Stern Radio Show syndicated to my hometown. I discovered that I love talk radio. It was the perfect time to make this discovery because Loveline had recently syndicated there as well.

Between the two shows, there were over seven hours of people talking to listen to. How can one man listen to all of this talking while working two jobs and going to school, you ask?

Just like porn can be credited with the growth of the internet, I had two VCRs, which allowed me to make my own Mr. Skin style compilations videos. I also figured out how to switch the audio inputs so that I could add music to my compilations. I used the same technique to hook my stereo up to the VCR allowing me to record this much talking.

Now, I listen to more podcasts than music.

I listen to people talk while I write. I listen to people talk while I drive, and even as a screenwriter I'd rather watch a documentary with some guy explaining something interesting than watching a scripted film.

If you ever see me wearing earbuds, chances are I’m listening to someone talking.

No one will ever see my head bobbing to the music, or catch an unintentional lip-syncing incident. You can however catch me laughing like a mad man, or chiming in on a few broadcasted conversations.

I’m also a fan of audiobooks.

Everyone once in a while someone will bring up a book that they're reading, to which I may respond with something like, “Yeah, I listened to that book.”

This is normally followed by some lame joke.

Well, what the hell am I supposed to say?

My solution, I just don’t talk about books anymore.