Dateline 2-25-2016

I think I may be coming to grips with the idea of being over the whole ghostwriting thing and possibly screenwriting altogether. At the beginning of the week I landed my first ghostwriting gig since I started to study web design and part of me wishes I didn't get the job so I can continue to work on my other projects but I need the money so I will do my best. 

It's actually not that bad, the story is interesting but nothing I haven't seen before which is kind of why I'm having a hard time starting the writing process. Since this is someone else's visionI find that I have to stick to the formulas and standardized structure that I've always despised. 

Being that I haven't written a script of my own in a little over a year, I've gotten much better at writing like a robot. The solution I come up with are obvious and the clients are fine with that. The problem is I feel dead inside as I do it so I think after this one I'm done.

I don't know what to do as far as my writing goes. It sucks to think of twenty years of hard work going to waste but I guess my stuff just wasn't meant for the screen. I want to adapt everything I have into standard prose and try sharing it that way but at this point in my life I don't have the time or money to get anything to a publishable draft. This is kind of why I started learning web development to begin with.

I really need to learn to make a living minus any hope of making it as a writer. That would truly free me to write what I want without having to worry about money. I hope to get to the point where I can self-publish my work while being able to afford a professional editor and illustrators to add the elements that I need.

I just hope that I can get all this done before I die which the fact that I'm turning 40 at the end of the week leads me to question if it is possible to start multiple careers this late in life... I know, I know 40 isn't that old but it can really feel late when you're lost.

Hopefully I'll figure something out someday and if I do this site will be the first place I come to to share.