Dateline 6-12-2016

Yesterday started out pretty slow but by the end of the day, I found that I managed to get a lot done. I started my day as usual, waking a little later now that I have a new bed, but not too late to where I would consider it over sleeping. I went to my computer with nothing to write and when nothing came to mind I wandered up to the store seeking insights as I walked. 

If you read yesterday's post then you know I never found my inspiration but I managed to muse for a bit and then moved on. Between being sick, visitors and family events, I've been struggling to fully focus in order to get things done. I've developed a weird mental hang-up to where I won't start anything new if there is any form of upcoming interruption that will take me out of my zone.  

Last week it was my nephew's graduation. This meant that I would have family in town for the week and I wouldn't have all day to hide in my room to work on my project. Though I've been growing to be more and more antisocial, I still can't help but hang out when people come to me. When I'm aware of an upcoming visit I find it hard to start anything new because the break I'll be taking haunts the back of my mind.

Oh the joys of being a neurotic overthinking ambitious fool.

Now all is back to normal and I'm easing back into my old ways. On Friday, I started my next Android App building class and though I made it through two lessons, I struggled to feel focused and felt I was just going through the motions. This struggle was more from easing back into an ethic than a loss of interest. 

Before the break, I would jump from my obligations straight into learning to get as much done in a day as I could. Now I find myself fighting to stick to the matter at hand. I'm not all that concerned though because this is a cyclical pattern when it comes to me and productivity. It takes me a while to find my groove but once I'm in there, I'm good to go until the end.

Yesterday, I don't think I even got to my obligations until about 4:30 in the PM. For a brief moment, I contemplated taking the day to do nothing at all. Hell, I was already halfway there so what did it matter. Then I buckled down and truly started my day. 

I worked through an entire lesson and got to the point where I was unable to learn anymore. If this would have been all to my day, I would have been a happy camper but I managed to pull off more that put me in a powerful mood. 

Other than these daily posts, I haven't written all that much non-coding content since I left Seattle. Sure I ghostwrote a couple scripts and was proud of what I came up with but none of that work was actually mine. I decided to put my own writing on hold until I could figure out a way to make a living on my own. 

In the past, I worked shitty jobs with the hopes that I would eventually sell something to save me from the ordinary world. My dreams were never to be rich or famous; I just wanted to be successful enough to afford a reclusive life where I could explore fictional worlds on my own terms.

After two decades of failure, I finally woke up to the fact that dreams don't often come true. This is when I switched my strategy to find a focus to meet my needs. After a year and a half of online education, I now have a solid idea of what I want to do for a "living," that won't make me feel like I'm dying inside.

The problem is, this new plan is going to take time and I've been itching to work on my writing again. I've had many ideas for stories but fear moving forward on any idea will take the time out of my education leaving me right where I started with another first draft and nowhere to go.

Last night, after I finished my course, I found my mind was fried as far as incoming information but I wasn't quite ready to call it a day. I've recently been dreaming about revisiting my novel to come up with a second draft but the fears mentioned above has kept this goal on the back burner because I just don't have the time.

I sat and played a stupid game as I waited to get sleepy enough for slumber as it was getting close to my current bedtime. An hour passed and sleep was the last thing on my mind. I couldn't get this idea out of my head about how to package my novel in a new way. I opened up Word, only intending to note this new idea; next thing I knew, three hours had passed and I was fully immersed in my latest draft.

After working one day with this schedule I think I can pull this off. From here on out I will start my day with my obligations (the day job, my daily post here and my workout plan) then take a midday break before starting my class. Following the education portion of the day, I will head in to watch prime time television with the fam. Usually, this would lead to the end of my day. I would wind things down with a game and a documentary that would put me to sleep.

Now I will finish my day with a writing session that may go late into the AM. This may sound over-ambitious but this is how I wrote when I worked a full-time job.  I'm excited about the potential because I feel that my latest trend to ease myself into the end of the day may be why I've been feeling so uninspired in the mornings.

Maybe this will lead to more dreams and crazy thoughts to write about in my future posts. Either way, I'm happy that I've found a balance that should at least work through this draft.

We'll see what happens and as always, I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Talk to you tomorrow,

- The Wicker Breaker