Dateline 8-17-2016

I started my new Android Development course last night and I'm both excited and nervous at the same time. 

I'm excited because this course was actually developed by Google. Up until now, all the courses that I've taken have been from freelance teachers that feel like they are sharing their ways of writing code that does work even if it isn't up to the industrial standards. I'm only a few lessons in and I can already see the difference in quality and legitimacy of the education I am receiving.

This is great and all but I'm now nervous that I'm going to get this great training only to end up in the same place I am now. I've made and stuck to many plans in my life that should have resulted in much more success than I've actually experienced and I'm nervous that this is going to lead to more of the same, especially since this program is costing me more than half my monthly income and it's going to take about a year to complete.   

What happens if I get to the end of this and I am still unhireable due to my own hang-ups and low self-esteem? I already have skills to where I should be much better off than I am but I'm just so bad at marketing myself that I really fear more of the same. 

I know these fears have come to light because this plan went from fantasy to reality within a 24 hour period and now that it's real there is a chance to fail. That said, I've always been pretty good at achieving goals when there is a direct line to success. I know I will complete the course and I know I will do well because there is a predefined path to follow. I'm just afraid of the career side of this goal where the path is a little foggy.

Since I'm coming from the world of art where the odds of success seem to match the odds of winning the lottery no matter how talented you are, a world where a smooth-talking marketer can make more of a name from selling garbage while a truly talented introvert will starve despite all their efforts to get their work in the right hands. It's this mentality that has me feeling stuck.

Oh well, this is something that I'm trying to work through so I thought I would share that it is on my mind. Now it's time to get back to the course work.

Talk to you tomorrow,

- The Wicker Breaker