Dateline 10-26-2017

Last night I got a reminder of just how shitty insomnia can be, especially when it hits with full force. Though I constantly battle with the disorder on a daily basis, last night was particularly rough because it was the first time that I've run out of weed for the first time in close to a year. Luckily, I have the ability to place an order today because I don't think I could handle this slumber fight on a daily basis.

Before anyone gets the idea to chime in with any fears of addiction or warnings about the side effects of pot, let me remind you that the reason I started smoking in the first place was to cope with a back injury since the opioids and muscle relaxers just weren't doing the job. I went from barely being able to walk to barely remembering that I had a problem at all in a little over two weeks following month and month of being let down by the medicines prescribed to me by my pill-pushing doctor who really didn't seem to have a cure.

It was during this time that I witnessed first-hand how well marijuana worked to help me get to sleep without feeling like I was killing myself by mixing booze with the sleeping pills that were also prescribed to me. That not to say that I was prescribed the mixing of these two vices but being a fan of sedation, the temptation was naturally there.

Since switching to the smoke, I gradually cut down my drinking and pill popping to where I now never take pills at all and am down to drinking about twice a month if I do any drinking at all. Sure you can say that I've just switched my vices but I don't see smoking as a vice because, for the most part, I just use it as a tool to sleep and would go back to popping pills without it.

Another thing to keep in mind is that even though I would love to spend my entire day baked, I've not only got too much to do but between my size, tolerance build up, and the fact that I can only afford the cheap stuff, I can't get sedated enough to meet my needs from a recreational drug like I used to in Seattle where I had the income to afford a top-shelf strain.

I know there may be points in this post where I sound like I'm being defensive about my relationship with pot but that's only because last night was my first night without it and I noticed the negative difference right away as I stayed staring at the ceiling until 4:30 in the AM to then wake at 7:00 and not be able to sleep again. I could just picture someone saying that this is a sign of a bigger problem yet no one took issue with the prescribed mood-stabilizing poison that I was encouraged to take seven days a week and even though this almost killed me, nobody batted an eye.

Oh well, it's a new day, I can't wait to get my order then get to my SNL review then finish off the afternoon by consuming my "meds" to catch up on some much-needed sleep. Then again, I have a surprising amount of energy for only getting three hours of rest, so I might just stay up, do some novel rewriting and then smoke and crash hard when my day is officially done.

Who knows? We'll see what I end up getting to and as always, I'll check in tomorrow with an update on how things turn out.

Talk to you soon.

Sincerely, 

The Wicker Breaker