Dateline 12-16-2017

Yesterday turned out to go how I wanted the day before yesterday to go where I got through all of my blogging obligations early by avoiding any distraction. This freed up the rest of my day to work on draft three of my novel that I keep on rambling on about and will continue to do so until I finish this draft. 

Today, I wish I could do more of the same but unfortunately, I have a wedding to go to in the evening. That's not to say that the wedding is unfortunate but between my ever growing shut-in ways and my obsession with working on projects I don't really look forward to many things that involve having to leave my room.

My hopes are that someday soon, I'll be able to figure out how to get my life into an order that I am comfortable with, where I'm earning enough of a living on my own terms. I feel that if I can ever figure this out, I may ease up on the isolationism to the point where I at least don't seem like I'm avoiding the few people that still have me on the periphery of their lives. 

It's just hard being the ever-ambitious loser at even having to answer the dreaded question of, what are you up to these days, only to see their eyes glaze over as I try to explain the lame ways that I currently earn an income, because I know for sure they're not interested in my creative life or they'd at least have some idea of the projects that I've been working on for multiple years for being connected through social media.

That not to say that I think these people should have read my every word, but it would be nice if someone would ever be vaguely aware that I at least had a blog and use that as an entryway into the small talk that I dread. We get into a snake eating its own tail here because I do get why one might say, "What are you doing to maintain these relationships?" With the unfortunate answer being not much at all ever since I've given up on the world to focus on my writing, but I did use to be the outgoing one who put in the effort to into keeping connections alive and even then I didn't feel all that appreciated.

Sorry, I didn't mean for this to turn into this type of post but anxiety is setting in because now that I am committed to this shut-in until I make it or die life, I have no social life, so I'm either alone, with the few family members that I live with or at some sort of big event feeling out of practice when it comes to human interaction and feeling completely out of place.

The only saving grace is that the wedding I'm going to is a Mormon one, meaning I'm banned from the actual ceremony and am only allowed at the reception, which I can't see going all that long due to the lack of alcohol that usually sends the celebration late into the night. That and I'm going with my sister and nephew who has an early bedtime meaning that I can sneak out when she needs to put him down.

I know this goes against my complaint but thankfully, no one that I actually know ever reads these posts so I know there will be no repercussion for sharing how much I would prefer to just stay home. That said, I also wish the happy couple good luck because none of these issues have anything to do with them.

Oh well, it is what it is, and it shouldn't be all that bad since I still should be able to get in at least a little bit of work by the end of the night plus tomorrow should mostly be mine. As always, I'll keep you posted on how things turn out when I check in with tomorrow's update. Until then, it's time to say good day and good luck to you and all of you projects.

Talk to you soon.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker