Dateline 7-30-2017

Is it weird that I fantasize about writing more than anything else? Even as I write this, in the back of my head I'm daydreaming of the day that I could afford my own place in the middle of nowhere, with just me, my thoughts and my trusty computer for my fingers to dance with while I try my hardest to translate the thoughts that are going on in my head into consumable stories.

I would put a bigger effort into making this a reality in my current living situation but there are also other things going on in the back of my head that make it hard to buckle down and fully commit to the projects that I want to work on. The main thing being the fact that I don't make enough money to live in this stupid world while living out my simple fantasy.

A couple years ago I watch a documentary about Charles Bukowski where I learned at one point one of his life someone connected to him supported his writing by giving him something like $150 a month. This was enough for rent, food, and enough booze and cigarettes for a chain smoking alcoholic. 

Sure, I'm basically doing the same thing, scraping by on the bare minimum resources I need to get by, but the fact that I'm freeloading in order to do so adds a layer of guilt to where I'm constantly aware that this is not permanent so I'm constantly too preoccupied with thoughts of how I can pull this off completely on my own making it hard to focus on my master plan.

There is always the idea of selling my work but if I know how to do that, I wouldn't be here bitching about my life. Sometimes I think about selling out and writing something more marketable than I prefer but even if I was able to pull off the writing portion of this plan, I'd still have no idea how to sell it, and what's to say that plan would work, more likely than not, I'd end up with just another draft of a manuscript sitting in my drawer.

I swear I have worthwhile content in me. I just need help getting it into the right people's hands which is hard when you're an introverted shut in like myself. 

Oh well, I don't know if I'll ever be able to figure this out so I will just continue on my path putting out whatever content I can and continue to hope something will work itself out. We'll see what happens today and as always, I'll be sure to let you know what does when I check in tomorrow.

Talk to you then,

The Wicker Breaker