Dateline 8-24-2017

Have you ever had one of those dreams that were so good and felt so real that you wake up and can't help but be bummed out to be back in reality? That happened to me last night and now I'm stuck in this weird head space where I'm filled with fantasy thinking of how the dream must have continued on while my mood is also growing somber as the vivid details rapidly disappear as my brain realizes that these events didn't happen and never will.

Last night, I went to bed feeling a little depressed after an average night with the family where I feel voiceless. I don't know what it is but every time I speak it's met with a contradiction. I don't know if it's a conversation style or what but whenever I open my mouth the second guessing instantly follows. It could be something as simple as "That looks really pink," with a response of, "I don't know, it looks kind of bright fuchsia to me."

Most nights, I'm able to blow this off while wondering why I bother to speak at all because I either get this type of response or absolutely nothing at all, with a fun volley of banter being the rarest of results but I guess that's what keeps me going.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I think my family is horrible but due to the fact that they are the only people that I have left to interact with after having a big fall out with my entire social world, I'm extra sensitive to feeling misunderstood or underappreciated. I also know that I'm to blame because I'm not as easy to talk to after losing everything.

Anyways, back to the dream, I guess going to bed feeling so empty and invalidated by the ones that I love must have triggered this more nurturing dream that was dealt to me. In this dream, there was a family reunion of sort with family members from all over the country, but of course, being a dream it wasn't a real reunion and these weren't actual people from my life but my mind identified them as specific family members. 

One of my cousin's friends then took a liking to me, which for whatever dream reason, didn't go over well with the family so we had to sneak glances and secretly speak from across the room without using words or the use of telepathy because this seemed to be a growing mutual intrigue where nothing needed to be said, the feeling was just understood.

We eventually managed to find time alone and it didn't even have to get sexual for it to be the best interaction I've had in a while, that was quickly interrupted by an upset few, then completely demolished by my return to the woken world of reality.

At first, I tried my hardest to go back to sleep which only seemed to speed up the rate of the detailed dream fading away into the ether. Now I'm stuck in this world of the real where nothing like this is likely to ever happen as I ride out this lonely life.

Oh well, I'll always have my writing and now that I'm done sharing another dream, it's time to face the day and get to work on my daily routine where I can't wait to get ahead and free up more time to start working on an additional project.

 As always, I will talk to you tomorrow with another update.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker