Operation Achieve Anything: Day Three-Hundred-Twenty-Two, Dateline 11-18-2018
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“If you don’t like being your own company, what makes you think others will?”
Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number three-hundred-twenty-two of Operation Achieve Anything. Here we go with another Sunday where I’ll be heading up to my older sister’s house once again, this time to welcome my younger sister back to town for her quick two-month stay as part of some work training. Thankfully, she and my mom are road tripping it right now so my sister can have access to her car, meaning that I won’t have to leave until later in the evening, leaving me plenty of time to get everything done before I head out.
It’s always fun to visit my sister’s house, it’s pretty much the only place outside of my own that I visit since moving home after my mid-life crisis/meltdown. Even though I always enjoy going to visit, it’s still a bit of a bummer to be around anyone as I continue to figure out how to be the new me in a way that plays well with others. Before, when I still attempted to wear my mask of the extroverted better known as Bunker, it was much easier to get by in social situations.
All that I had to do was listen out for keywords while my mind scrambled through several convoluted/obscure/quirky connections and then spit out a joke to get the laughs I need for my fuel. Now, I just sit and listen while exchanging tedious pleasantries that mean nothing, while waiting to get home to get back to work on my projects. This is why I can only handle non-event visits with my family where I still let me silly side show, or just blend into the background if I’m in that type of mood and no one seems to notice or care whether or not I’m being me or putting on another performance.
Part of me feels that this shift in social interest is my life’s attempt to find balance. I was such a shy child that I could barely function when I was young, and I preferred the company of my imaginary Mexican mice friends over actually interacting with the world. My childhood at the time was safe enough that I was allowed to participate in this brand of escapism. Then, when my parents divorced, and chaos was introduced to the home, I had to shift my efforts into escaping by becoming a social creature, remembering, shy phase or not, my dream was always to be a comedian, or some for on story conveyer.
Where I was struggling to deal with chaos at home, this Bunker character of me brought that chaos to the outside world only with the aim to entertain while collecting stories with no intentions of causing any harm. That said, many people were hit with the shrapnel as I tore through this outside world, burning the candle both ends while building up a stockpile of tales to be told in my head. I was living life at a pace that was impossible to maintain, but at the time, I was hellbent on trying.
Eventually, I truly started to feel like the guy who stayed too late to the party, which is a feeling that I knew too well since my low self-esteem always led me to be the first to arrive and the last to go because I was afraid that I’d miss out. I always hated this situation because I did feel unwelcome but was so desperate for company that I would continue to hang until it was clear that all of the fun was done. That’s why it hit me hard when I started to feel this way about life in general. It’s one thing to overstay your welcome at a house, it’s another to feel unwelcome by your whole world, whether the people within your perceived existence genuinely agreed or not.
Now, I feel like I’m finally starting to fully shed that old skin and have the next phase of my life be a quiet one, as I finally get around to compiling all of my previous works into a format that I can share with the world. I no longer need the wild nights and hungover days since I’ve already collected enough stories to last me the rest of my life. This next phase, after I finally escape my latest cocoon, will be peaceful and quiet, keeping in mind, I own up to the fact that in my last phase, I was the one making the most noise while screaming for some sort of a blend of help and attention.
So, there you have how I relate to seeking solitude versus seeking out social situations as my effort to fulfill the assignment from yesterday. With that, it’s now time to introduce today’s assignment where I’m supposed to put effort into setting aside at least ten minutes to be alone. As a shut-in, this is going to be an easy one, even with the visit to my sister’s but, you’ll have to wait for tomorrow’s update to see how I actually deal with it. Until then, it’s now time for me to sign off by saying, good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.
Talk to you soon.
Sincerely,
The Wicker Breaker
P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.
