Operation Achieve Anything: Day Two-Hundred-Thirty-Eight, Dateline 8-26-2018
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“I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.”
Good morning crickets. Welcome to day number two-hundred-thirty-eight of Operation Achieve Anything. It’s Sunday, and I have company on their way over, so I’m just going to jump right into yesterday’s assignment where I was supposed to explain the physical signs to my anger as the Achieve Anything… book continues its anger management theme. This is something I’m pretty aware of because I’ve been passively trying to deal with the issued for decades.
I say passively because, for the most part, my inner anger only arises when I’m all alone making me justify it as a personal quirk that isn’t hurting others, even though I know the reality is that my constant frustration does actually seep into my social life. Again, this is why I used to minimize my time with others by working the graveyard shift and spending most of my time by myself, only venturing out when I felt like putting on an entertain performance.
As for the signs, first off, I notice that as soon as my temper starts to boil, I automatical begin to hold my breath. Next, I feel my shoulders tense up and then my throat as I attempt to hold back the yelling of curse words, and then finally, I just explode, cursing like a person with Tourette's as I verbally bash inanimate objects and when things are really bad, I’ll start to punch myself in the head, in an effort to kill the irrational thought process. In my early twenties, some of my outburst would lead to branding myself, because the pain from the self-mutilation would focus my inner thoughts.
The thing that sucks the most is that, even while it’s happening, I’m fully aware that I’m overreacting, but since I suppress so many of my negative thoughts I struggle to control the floodgates whenever there’s the slightest bit of a leak. I’d like to say that I’m getting better, but really, the frequency just fluctuates depending on what I’m going through. This is why I’m hoping this section of the book will actually inspire me to really work on this issue. These outbursts are also part of the reason that I feel if it were a thing back in the day that I’d end up somewhere on the autism spectrum.
For today’s assignment, I’m supposed to practice the art of standing and walking away. Though the book’s focus is on anger towards others and talks about walking away to avoid an argument, I think this suggestion is even more fitting for my anger toward inanimate objects. I don’t know why I’ve never thought about this, but I think I think this is a very easy first step towards a solution.
I’ll delve more into why I feel this would work when I check in with tomorrow’s update. Until then, it’s now time for me to sign off with my usual saying of, good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.
Talk to you soon.
Sincerely,
The Wicker Breaker
P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.
