Dateline 5-10-2016

So I'm trying something new and it's not the new segment I've been threatening to incorporate into this site. No, I've started yet another workout regiment. I think the problem in the past is that I've been trying to fit in exercise as a break from my work. For example, if I am taking a class that is made up of ten lessons, my plan would be to take a lesson then do something physical for 10 or so minutes and return to work.

The problem is, I often just move on to the next lesson without a break at all, or I will find something else to fill the break because I don't feel like getting up. This has sent me chasing my tail, feeling too exhausted to do anything while knowing that I need to be more active to get my energy level up.

Then there's the depression that follows the same exact pattern. I know at least some of the depression stems from me being very inactive but I don't have the energy or motivation to change because I'm too busy chasing my tail.

My new plan is to specifically set aside one hour a day to do some sort of exercise. I bought a one hour egg timer so it's easy to set and I'm starting to use the random fitness equipment that I own to get my ass moving.

I've been doing this for two days now and even though I haven't lasted the entire hour I can already feel the benefits. Part of me feels that I shouldn't be all that proud because I didn't complete the entire time that I set aside but it's only day two and I need to build up my stamina.

I feel if I push myself too hard at this point in the experiment then it may not last. Right now I feel the benefits without feeling like I'm going to die and knowing me, if I went whole hog two things could happen. One, I would get real into it to the point where all I want to do is workout (which did happen when I was younger) or two, I'd work myself to the point where I got hurt to give myself an excuse to take a couple days off only to never return.

The way I see this playing out for now is, first I wake up and make breakfast like I've been doing for a while. I used to be a breakfast skipper but now see the benefits of starting the day with a meal. As the food cooks I check and reply to email and other online activities. After I eat I will start to work on my day job, again as I've already incorporated into my daily routine. Once I'm done with work I will fit in my hour of exercise then write my daily post here and finish off the day as usual.

This really sound like something I should be able to pull off if I could just get past this crippling feeling of worthlessness and defeat. Over the past couple years as I've been desperately trying to figure out my life I've found several strategies that have really help me feel healthy when I fully commit. One day, when I can afford it, I hope to blend all that I've learned to feel like a million bucks. I'm also hoping that once my benefits kick in I'll get back on the crazy pills to help me at least lower the mental hurdles that have been getting in my way.

Once again I'm feeling pretty positive. Let see how long this round lasts!

Talk to you tomorrow,

- The Wicker Breaker