Dateline 7-16-2016

I've always known that I've had a morbid fascination with doom and gloom when it comes to the news but it wasn't until a couple days ago that I've started to look at it as more of a harmful addiction than just a frivolous means of entertainment.

I wrote a post a couple days ago explaining my relationship to the doom and gloom associated with prophecy, both secular and not. I wouldn't say that I'm a believer but my mind really likes a good game of "What if," which is why I believe that I love to write. Every time a date of doom approaches I can't help but hope that something happens even if it's just a self-fulfilling group reaction, I want to see an event.

Aside from the supernatural doom and gloom, I'm also a bit obsessed with terrifying news. This is why I watch Fox News over the news sources that are more fitting to my political views. The anxiety that these news programs induce is very similar to the feelings I get while watching a suspense-filled movie.

I think this fascination started in 92 during the Rodney King riots. This was reality TV at its best. Nothing was scripted meaning anything could happen at any time and I could watch this chaos from the comfort of my living room. It was also amazing how you could turn to any channel to get a slightly different perspective of the same event.  

I was tied to the TV for days, hoping to see something horrible as it happened live, like Reginald Denny getting hit in the head with a brick. It's not the violence that I'm rooting, it's the unpredictable break from scripted programming that brings on this feeling of horrified thrill. 

Months later I was lucky enough to be home sick the day the Waco incident took place. Where my fellow classmates got to see a recap of what happened to the narrative of already informed reported, I got to see the flames build while no one knew what was going on. 

Due to the naivete of youth, I saw these as temporary events that were resolved as soon as the news stopped their coverage. This may sound stupid but at the time there was no internet so it was harder to see the ongoing influence of these flashes of news-worthy chaos, which in a way allowed me to see a world event as a dark form of entertainment.

That all changed with 9/11, where I finally started to see how world changing these events actually are. From that point on I no longer saw this form of coverage to be as fun but I was still obsessed and watched every hour of coverage, looking for clues, which is a form entertainment in its own way.

 Since this at home investigation led me down many conspiratorial roads, I treated it more like a guilty pleasure over any form of true belief due to the dismissive manner that those who believe the official storyline treat those that question. Plus I'm not really a person that's all that interested in converting anyone's beliefs in any way, so unless the topic is brought up I keep my beliefs to myself.

What I believe isn't what's important here anyway. This is more of a backstory of how I got to a point where I would spend a majority of my time with some sort of doom and gloom documentary running in the background as I work. Whether it's the truth about JFK, suppressed ancient technology, or even the flat Earth, the underlying story behind all these tales is that we are being lied to by the powers that be.

All of this was still entertainment to me until about three years ago where more and more of these "what if" scenarios started to at least seem to be coming true. I'm not longer as entertained by these issues and am now genuinely concerned and now everything is the news is anxiety inducing but no longer in the same way as watching a suspense-filled film.

 About three days ago, I stopped following the news. I still check in but I've stopped diving down rabbit holes and started watching more non-topical comedic content despite there being events going on that I would normally dig into. This change has gotten me in a much better mood.

I still think we are doomed, I just need to put more effort into being as happy as I used to be because I miss the breaks from depression that I used to have even in my darkest of days.

Oh well, we'll see how long I can hold back the doom and gloom and as always, I'll keep you posted on my efforts.

Talk to you tomorrow,

- The Wicker Breaker