Dateline 2-8-2017

I'm feeling a subtle change in my tone and I hope that my mood doesn't follow suit. I noticed the last lull in enthusiasm toward these daily post ended around New Year's when this segment stopped being the centerpiece of this site. Having the SNL challenge to focus on relieved some of the guilt that I had when I ended up resorting to rambling.

Though I continue to just write what is on my mind, it now just feels like I'm checking in with the crickets. Up until this week, it's felt like words were flowing from my fingers with easy. Now I'm feeling a bit low energy, with nothing to say, and I hope it's not a sign of another stint of depression.

Part of me feels that this stems from the fact that there is an upcoming family event that I am not really looking forward to. I just got over all the family time stress from the holidays and the idea of having to break my routine again is giving me a bit of anxiety. Don't get me wrong, I like my family but they are quite a bunch to deal with.

This has more to do with me than anyone else as 40 years of false extraversion comes crashing down and all I want to do is make up for all the lost alone time spent worried how everyone else is feeling. I know that anyone that know me might find this hard to believe since part of my character was offensive and cold but every single joke I said was an attempt to make the mood brighter, well at least for those who I cared about.

Now, I have no one to make laugh, leading me to feel so out of practice when it comes to interaction. Granted, I do have the family members that I currently live with to keep me from getting too far gone in my own little world, but I would rather speak to them on our own turf.

I don't know if this part will change in me as it feels like it's just a part of getting old when you're a burnt out wannabe artist that either failed to strike while the iron was hot if it ever got hot enough in the first place. 

Oh well, those are my thoughts for the day and now it's time to get back to the nonsense.

Talk to you soon,

The Wicker Breaker