Dateline 3-24-2017

It's sad, but I feel that the dreamer in me is dying. Well... I guess it's not the dreamer but whatever part of me that thinks that I can potentially turn any of my night time fantasies into any form of reality. 

I know that this all started a little over four years ago when I decided to give up writing long format fiction after devoting over twenty years of my life chasing something that I always felt was just barely out of reach that got further and further away over the decades.

Though I gave up on my efforts to express these dreams through writing there was a good three years where they would continue to play out in my head. This is what kept me up until the early AM desperate to find another outlet. 

This is why I took up drawing, painting and other forms of art and it felt like it worked for a while. I've now spent the last year mainly focused on training so that I can find a day job that I would actually be able to stand.

In doing this, I've spent way less time in the world of what if that used to keep me up until at least 3:00 in the AM. Since the start of this year, I not only started my SNL challenge to satisfy my need to write but I've also been focusing on my physical health.

Between the SNL views and reviewing, exercise and continued efforts to train for and find a day job that I will find tolerable without killing my extra-curricular activities my day is so packed full of things to keep me busy that by the end of the day I'm too burnt out to explore the story ideas that are floating around in my head which causes my dreams to be rather bland.

I still hope to someday find balance to where all these aspects of my ambitions can strive but unfortunately, the most likely outcome is going to be getting stuck in a life that's normal on lockdown from 9 to 5.

So, that's where my head is today, let's see what happens tomorrow?

Talk to you then,

The Wicker Breaker