Dateline 5-25-2017

I really wish that my drive to write fiction was as strong as it was a couple years ago when I got so lost in the fictitious world that I was building that I damn near lost my mind because last night I came up with the perfect idea to continue to tie all of my narrative work together. Hell, this new storyline could potentially even tie this non-fiction blog into the megaverse that I hope to get down on paper before I die. 

Part of me feels like I have the potential to be the next John Kennedy Toole, the author of A Confederacy of Dunces who would have never been discovered if it wasn't for his mom insisting an agent read his opus following his premature passing by his own hand. 

I think I've reached the point now where the by his own hand is less likely unless you count long term life choices, that I've limited but don't necessarily avoid as a form of being self-involved. If this does end up being the case, I don't know if I'd consider it premature, but when the day does come I might get people who were close to me to finally look into what I was trying to say, which may lead to some sort of outside promotion of the stockpile of work that I leave behind.

Don't worry, I'm not in a rush to get to this point. There are far too many loose strings that I need to resolve and there is no one out there that knows my plan so I don't want to leave nothing but a bunch of puzzle pieces scattered around when I have yet to create the edge pieces required to frame in the giant picture.

This is why I fantasize about buying a small cabin in the middle of the wood where I can just be left alone to work it all out minus the pressures of the modern world. I'm passed the point of wanting any recognition for any of this, I just want to get all the pieces done so I can leave this world feeling that I've accomplished my goal.

Now I just need to figure out to earn the bare minimum of an income to pull off this off the grid dream but at the rate that I'm going, I'll be finishing out this life in while living in a garage on a quest for a shitty day job.

Sorry if this got dark but I wanted to talk about my life plan in which death is the ultimate end. I mention mortality with ease not because I am a rush to experience the dark but even if I have another fifty years, I can't help but look at the end as just another deadline.

Also, this is my first attempt to actively attempt to start digging into the more interesting thoughts in my mind while the sun is out, with a sober mind, and not trying to escape my depression, instead of just literally summarizing something that came up yesterday. I'm not sure how successful this attempt was but I'm going to try to keep pushing myself in this direction until I figure out how to silence my day time clear mind censor.

With that, we'll see what I come up with tomorrow.

Talk to you then,

The Wicker Breaker