Dateline 5-27-2017

Yesterday I shared that I currently have four blog challenges that I wish I could start right away but there are too many uncertainties in my life right now to be able to commit to the amount of time that it would take to pull everything off simultaneously. This textual investigation into what it would take to pull this off only doubled down my interest in a highly motivational way.

Right after publishing yesterday's post, I felt my confidence grow which led me to actively research ways to make money without the need of a boss. At the same time, this boost confidence also got me back on an active job hunt for something to fill the gap until I figure things out.

 At first, I felt like I was ready to take on the world, but then this confidence shifted to fear as I flashed back to my last manic episode. This is one of the things that sucks about my bouts with bipolar disorder, as far as confidence goes, I seem to feel either completely worthless or delusionally optimistic about based on the potential that I've built up in my head while I was feeling down and desperate to escape the world. 

This means that my confidence is linked to insanity, at least the way it works in my head. At first, it always seems to start out pleasant in that I take a break from hating myself. This leads to my ideas getting more and more grand until I find myself chasing unachievably optimistic dreams when all that I really want is enough power to escape the rat race so I can find someplace quiet to work on my inner peace.

As always, we'll see what happens and I will chime in tomorrow with my progress.

Talk to you then,

The Wicker Breaker