Dateline 9-30-2017

I could only imagine how great it must feel to make a living doing what I love. I mean, I'm pretty close right now being that I'm doing what I love but the fact that I barely have an income has me too stressed out about my future to fully enjoy it as if I am gambling with my rent money, excited by the feelings that a win will lead me to be set for life while a loss will only double down on my problems.

Fantasizing about life post win is better than any drug I've ever experimented with. Again, a win to me isn't the idea of reaching millionaire status. No, I'd be happy with a small victory where my written work would consistently afford me a place of my own, enough to eat and the internet. 

It would be so nice to be able to be able to navigate life without the hustle involved in struggling to make ends meet. Right now, when I'm not actually writing or scavenging for freelance work, I daydream of the potential future where I can escape the latter activity and casually work on my projects without the worry of whether or not I'll make it or budgeted enough to keep myself fed.

I picture healthy meals instead of Dollar Tree feasts and high-end weed instead of shake, waking when I feel rested and writing throughout the night. I'd be living off the grid in this fictional world lowering my stress levels even more with the comfort of being self-sufficient. I'd also live a little off the beaten path, allowing me to escape the feelings, whether rational or not, that others are judging my schedule.

This schedule judging isn't really a paranoia thing, it's just something that comes with living with others who are aware of your basic activities. This is also not a top concern in my current situation being that no one seems to care what I am up to at all but even with this being the case I have to admit that it's part of the inner conflict since my ultimate goal is to live with total autonomy. 

Here's how I see my average day. First, I'd awake without an alarm at whatever time feels right to me. I'd invest in technology to passively cook my breakfast so I could take the dogs for a walk to get my daily exercise to come home to something to eat with some coffee. Breakfast would be eaten while I get caught up on the news for the day.

I'd head to the home office following breakfast where I'd spent a majority of the rest of the day switching between my various projects. I'd start off the morning by blogging as somewhat of a warmup for my day. I like the idea of blogging early because of all my tasks my blog projects each have well-defined daily deadlines to meet.

I should finish up blogging by lunchtime where again I would eat something healthy light while I sit down and watch TV. This is when I would fit in a nap on the couch to switch gears between my morning projects and nighttime activities. Who knows, under these fantasized conditions I might be relaxed enough to opt for meditation over sleep. 

Once I'd wake, I'd spend a couple hours partaking in me-time where I would watch a movie or two or even play a video game until the sun starts to go down unless I'm already inspired to start my night. As soon as the sky would darken, I'd then head back to my office space and write fiction until I fall asleep.

That's pretty much how I would love to spend the rest of my life and I don't see this as being an unreasonable goal to attempt to achieve because I am putting in the work effort right now, I just need to figure out the financial side to help me achieve inner peace.

With the novel that I'm working on being my biggest wager against this gamble, it's now time to wrap up this blog nonsense so I can get back to work. As always, I'll check in tomorrow with another update to my progress.

So, I guess that I'll talk to you then.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker