The Daily Breaker: Dateline 1-3-2021
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Good Evening Crickets…
I’m glad that I decided to get back into blogging again… now that I know for sure that the rattling in my head is from an inner ear condition and not just from the fact that I might be losing my mind… I’m pretty sure it’s both… but minus the whole ear thing… the rapid decline has seemed to slow… but then again… I’m not sure if I’m even in a mental decline at all…
The old me… the dead one from the metaphorical suicide mentioned in yesterday’s post… was aware that the mind could affect the body… how a lot of aches and pains can come from stress minus anything physical… I’m now starting to see how the opposite is true as well…
Before I realized that my inner ear issue was causing weird pressure changes in my head… I started to feel a strange vibration in my lower back… since I was in the throes of a bout depersonalization/derealization at the time… making me think it was forces of the universe attempting to heal my sciatica pain… this was the same night I thought that I could control the weather for a moment…
The weather control experience was actually a form of meditation… where… when it rains you let the sound of the storm dictate the tempo of your inner thoughts… if the weather gets intense… let your thoughts take on that energy… while relaxing the body as much as you can… if you do this long enough… there will be times where you can’t tell if it’s nature or you who’s really in charge… as you begin to predict a pattern and get one or two or your prophecies right…
Now… imagine predicting a few pattern changes in a row which causes you to get the chills… chills that get amplified by this magical vibration in your lower back… ending with lightning striking as you make an epiphany… that epiphany being to email an old friend named Alan a joke about this crazy event that I just experienced… nothing at all grandiose… and I wish I could blame this on drugs…
Though the vibrating seemed to stem from my sciatica pain on the night of this weather incident… sometimes… it would be so strong that it was harder to pinpoint the source… and could make it feel like my heart is beating a hundred miles a minute… leading to random anxiety attacks out of the blue… after about three months… I was finally put on antianxiety meds… I thought it was weird that the pills seemed to help my head but did nothing to help the jittery feeling in my nerves…
It wasn’t until I had another legitimate anxiety attack that I realized the difference between this vibrating sensation from anything having to do with my mental issues… looking back… this sensation’s been growing ever since my first bout with sciatica over a decade ago… leaving me to wonder… just how much of my mental health issue may be the result of the physical condition…
To add to the fun… I recently had sinus surgery and now my sinuses drain properly… to where I no longer feel the inner ear issue… where if my ear were to get even the slightest bit clogged from congestion… the vibrations from my lower back would get amplified in my head… on top of the amplification of any fan or motor from electrical gadgets that make even the slightest pressure changes to a room…
All this is why I’ve been stuck in my head for two years… and even though I still don’t have a diagnosis at this time… now that I really have to think about whether or not a negative emotional response to a situation is coming from a mental or physical stimuli… the self-evaluation process is usually enough to settle me down… but that’s not to say that I’m mentally sound…
Oh well… we’ll see what happens… talk to you tomorrow… when I check in with my next The Daily Breaker post!!!
Sincerely…
The Wicker Breaker
