Dateline 7-18-2016

Last night I checked my site stats for the first time in a long time. My page views are understandably lower now that I'm not involved in an ongoing experiment. I'm fine with this finding as I'm still in the process of regrouping and the bulk of my efforts are aimed at training for a new achievable career.

In fact, I'm kind of proud of myself because the numbers no longer have any weight on how I feel about my efforts. Sure it helps that I have nothing to promote as I see these daily posts as practice in an ongoing effort to find my voice, but I think there is something more to my disinterest in daily numbers. 

I often compare my efforts to become an online entertainer to my early desires to because a stand-up comedian. I want to share my thoughts in an entertaining way but my low self-esteem leads me to question why anyone would care. I think this is why I never got comfortable performing to a crowd. I always wished there was a way people could just overhear my interactions which is how I managed to win over most of my friends.

So, last night when I didn't feel discouraged by my dwindling numbers I saw it as being similar to standing on a stage and blocking out the crowd. Not necessarily blocking them out in that I don't care what they think, but just blocking out their judgmental eye, allowing me to focus more on what I want to say. 

Hopefully, this with lead to less preemptive apologizing and more focus on the fun.

Maybe I'll figure it out someday but until then...

Talk to you tomorrow,

- The Wicker Breaker